Customer Reviews

The Way She Chose

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On the back of the cover it says "You will rejoice with John and Mary when Sara, as a young teenager, gives her heart to the Lord. You will also grieve with them as Sara takes her own willful course... It also shows very vividly the consequences of wrong choices. Let no one think that it is possible to take Sara's course and escape the resultant reaping."

Yes. Let no young adult think his/her parents and church leaders are ever wrong. If you do, then your life will turn to hell, just like Sara's.

If you've ever wondered what a book would look like that predicts the most dire outcome for not perpetually submitting to your parents, then you may stop wondering, for this is it. This book absolutely wreaks of control-freakism. The idea that parents or church leaders always know better than a young adult (In this case, a young woman named Sara) is the running theme of this book. No opportunity is missed to criticize the decisions of young adults should they ever go against the advice of their peers. The idea of growing into an individual with ideas and desires different than those of your parents or church leaders is depicted over and over and over again as the most hellish thing that could ever happen to a young adult. This book demands that Sara be stripped of her independency to the point that she could not even gain a favorable impression of her future husband before she became engaged. No independency at all. None.

Now whether this book is a true account of a woman's life or not, I would be ashamed to publish this sort of material. Unbiblical restrictions of all sorts are imposed upon Sara. You may not, according to this book,

Go on a date unless your goal is to marry your boyfriend/girlfriend,

Decide when you will marry even if you're engaged,

Choose the town in which you will take a job,

Spend time playing games with another boy/girl when it's just you two,

Attempt to convince your peers to agree with you,

Go against your parents' advice no matter how you personally may feel EVEN IF YOU'RE 21 YEARS OLD.

You may not do any of these things at all without running them through the filter of gaining Mom and Dad's approval. It is obvious that this book's intent is to terrify young adults into seeing independency as the first step on the road to utter disaster. A few quotes will suffice to support these claims, but I could literally expand this list indefinitely.

John Yoder speaking to Sara on page 116-117, --"I trust if he, or anyone else, ever asks to bring you home again, you will ask for time to pray about it first, as well as to counsel with your parents and the ministers"..."And the fact that you did not take time to consider, get counsel, or pray about this decision shows a lack of maturity on your part. Courtship is for spiritual and mature people because its purpose is for marriage and that only.--

Mother and Sara speaking to each other on pages 140-141 --Mother sighed deeply. "Oh, Sara, I wish you wouldn't be in such a hurry. Give Father and me time to talk about it."... She (Sara) looked at them with her chin tipped up. "Furthermore, if you don't give your consent, we will get married anyway, even if we have to go to the courthouse to do it!"

"Oh, no!" Mother remonstrated. "You want to have our ministers marry you."

Father looked at Sara soberly. What had ever happened to the sweet and submissive daughter that she used to be? Must they give in to her now, to let her learn in bitter tears that the way she was choosing would be a painful way?--

Sara, years later, speaking to her 21 year old daughter on pages 248, 249, 281, and 283, --"You will be much better off spiritually working here in the valley among our own people, even if you earn less."..."You need to become more firmly grounded in the faith," Mother admonished, "and develop convictions that will help you grow into responsible adulthood."..."If he is not interested in courtship, then you'd better not be spending time together playing games and riding around."..."Your evidence of self-will scares me, Dorcas. I fear for you."--

i) Courtship's purpose is never defined as only for marriage in the Bible. And for people like myself, courtship/dating IS necessary to connect with someone else on a more personal level. But Sara is never allowed to form her own impression of Jacob whether it's by dating or by just thinking on her own. This book demands she abandon her own ability to decide for herself and let her peers take total control. Look, think about it- What Sara's dad is defending is that a person, unable to be more personal in mixed company, should still be forced to make a marital decision before he/she personally gets to know his/her fiancé! What utter nonsense!

ii) Since Sara's father and all the church members believed that Sara's fiancé was a Godly man, Father couldn't have had a clue that Sara would learn her decision was a bad one, much less that she would learn in "bitter tears". It wouldn't have mattered if she'd waited anyways, as her fiancé was a VERY patient man and would have waited longer if Sara decided to. And yet, Sara's trials with her husband are blamed on her decision to marry earlier over against the advice of her obviously smarter parents. Yeah, right. Talk about ignoring logic to push your agenda!

iii)Dorcas is TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD!!!

It only gets worse. Here's a quote from the preface, "At the beginning of this story, the church and the parents were somewhat lax in giving the firm direction that may have spared Sara from the tragedies in her life."

Not only is giving firm directions to a young woman about her dating life NOT the responsibility of the church, but that statement isn't true. Sara's parents and church did everything but strangle her with the restrictions they imposed upon her. The idea that the conduct exhibited by Sara's peers was lax only enforces the idea that this book supports complete and total dominance by parents. Frightening. Simply frightening.

I actually found myself cheering Sara on when she made contrary decisions just because I enjoyed the idea of control-freak parents getting what they deserved. I think she hit it right on the mark when she says on page 108, --They are to blame if I have withdrawn from them, she reasoned rebelliously.-- Yes. Parents like John and Mary Yoder are to blame for the suffocating hold they place over their children. This is the reason children run away from home. I'm not talking about children who simply act out their nature as sinners. I'm talking about the atmosphere of home that is created when the mom and dad sense their inability to raise carbon copies of themselves and see this as a sign of sinful rebellion on the part of the son/daughter. That is WRONG. The PARENTS are to blame. It's THEIR SIN. Not the children's, the parent's. And I don't feel a bit sorry for those who weep over their runaway children if they put their children through this kind of abuse.

In summary, this book is nothing more than a tool created for parents who are scared to death if their children, regardless of age, don't do what they're told without fail. I'm astonished that one could uphold such control-freakism as if it were Biblical. Sara's unfortunate life cannot be used to defend the abusive behavior of her peers. I don't recommend you buy this book unless you wish to verify the things I've written. I believe God will hold every person who utilizes this book's ideologies responsible for stumping their child's growth as an individual.