The Way of the Superior Man (Paperback)

by David Deida (Author) "It's never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff..." (more)
Key Phrases: masculine sexual essence, feminine sexual essence, feminine radiance, Feminine Essence (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Any woman who gives this book to the man in her life will soon thank herself for it." -- Yogi Times magazine, March 2006

An astonishingly practical guidebook to living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. -- The Midwest Book Review - Reviewer's Choice

Just reading The Way of the Superior Man may make you a better man, perhaps even a superior one. -- Watkins Review

[David Deida's] insights about male/female interaction can't help but stimulate a more active understanding of this complicated dynamic. -- NAPRA ReView

Product Description
What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions-but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives-from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality-to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. Join this bestselling author and internationally renowned expert on sexual spirituality for straightforward advice, empowering skills, body practices, and more to help you realize a life of fulfillment, immediately and without compromise. "It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine." The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge-and reward-for today's man: to discover the "unity of heart and spine" through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment. Book jacket.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 207 pages
• Publisher: Sounds True, Incorporated (March 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591792576
• ISBN-13: 978-1591792574
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (115 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,416 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #4 in	Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Gender Studies > Men
  #9 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Spiritual
  #12 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Love & Romance

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

134 of 149 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Not About Men and Women..., July 28, 2006

By	Enamorato (Rockville, MD United States) - See all my reviews

Being the "superior" man that I am, many of my friends have recommended David Deida to me. They told me I'd like him, and that he and I were on the same page. I finally got around to reading "The Way of the Superior Man" because I was curious about the pretense of the title. I am ever skeptical of any book that aims to divide men and women into opposing and exclusive categories by mere virtue of plumbing. I was happily surprised to find that the title itself is misleading. This is not a book about men and women, nor is it about "masculinity" or "femininity." This is about the workings of attraction.

Deida's thesis lies in the concept of polarity - in short "opposites attract." This is something that has been expounded upon in Taoist and Zen Buddhist philosophy - the concept of the yin and yang - two opposing forces, both necessary for the balance of the physical world, sociologically in the political and social sense, and spiritually within oneself. For Deida, in order for balance in sexual matters, there must be both masculinity and femininity. "Feminine" attributes are a desire for love, desire to nurture, along with a sexual attraction to dominance. "Masculine" attributes are desire to live "on the edge" and to accomplish a "mission" for freedom, along with a sexual attraction to submission. It must be noted here that Deida's distinctions between masculinity and femininity are more arbitrary than logical. He asserts that 90% of the population falls into either the masculine or feminine category, with the remaining 10% more balanced between the two, who couldn't care less about sexual polarity (and whom, unfortunately, Deida equates with "androgyny" - a potentially insulting and inaccurate connotation). For those 90% though, in order to sustain a truly satisfying sexual relationship, one partner must embody the "masculine", and the other must embody the "feminine."

This actually is not as offensive as it may seem at first glance. I was surprised to find that I, a straight man, actually fall into the more feminine sexual category. Although he works off the supposition that most men are in the "masculine" category and that most women are in the "feminine" category, this is far from being about gender. Deida is astute in that he recognizes that "masculine" and "feminine" do not necessarily correspond to physical gender. He notes "[in a homosexual relationship] it doesn't matter if both partners are men or both partners are women. It doesn't matter if, in a heterosexual relationship the man plays the feminine pole or the woman plays the masculine pole. It doesn't matter if you change every day who plays the masculine pole and who plays the feminine pole." In fact, we would do best to relinquish labels - "feminine"/"masculine" might as well be called "Type Y"/"Type X" or even yin/yang. Deida parallels the work of psychologist/philosopher Carl Gustav Jung whose study of Psychological Types theorized the concept of duality - two very polarized personality types attracting one another.

I do, however, see a discrepancy in Deida's work. That is the pretense that, in one person (or, at least 90% of us, that is), ALL the attributes of "masculinity" or ALL the attributes of "femininity" are dominant within our personality in a static ratio. Humanity is much more diverse than that, and most people will be able to find both elements of masculinity and feminity within themselves, to varying degrees, even at different times. Deida states that this book is a guide for a person with a masculine essence. If this is the case most people, even those with a masculine personality, will not be able to use ALL of this book as there are very few of us who are entirely masculine or entirely feminine in the way Deida has chosen to describe them. I found that, although I identified with Deida's definition of "the feminine essence" on the sexual level (read: in bed), I identified much more with his definition of the "masculine essence" on the personal level. Deida has written another book "for women" ("Dear Lover: A Woman's Guide to Enjoying Love's Deepest Bliss"), and although I haven't yet read it, I suspect that most readers will fall somewhere in the gray between yin and yang and will need to look at both poles in order to pick and choose what is applicable for them.

It's interesting to see the (mis)readings of Deida, both supporting him and villifying him, in past reviews. One reviewer calls this a work for the "uncastrated" man... actually, from the looks of it, many of the men who have enjoyed Deida's work are actually men who somehow feel "spiritually castrated" and want to find their balls within the covers of this book. The second niche Deida seems to have capitalized on are sexually frustrated women. Freud would have a field day with these people. Regarding the reviewer who stated that Deida called sensitive men "wimps" - there are statements here and there which suggest this. Deida, at times, is guilty of pandering to insecurity - he attests time and again throughout the text that his version of masculinity is not macho posturing, but unfortunately also needs to counteract this by asserting that it isn't a "new age wimp" or an "androgynous Mr. Nice Guy" either. I feel such poor phrasing undermines Deida's argument, although it may serve to put those guys who are insecure in their masculinity more at ease.

I don't think that "all men should read this book." I think all PEOPLE should be exposed to these concepts sometime in their lives, perhaps not necessarily through Deida - there are books on Jung's typology (his original "Psychological Types"), on Taoism (Lao Tzu's "Tao te Ching" - my favorite translation is by David Hinton), and even on spirituality and sex (the classic Hindu "Kamasutra" by Vatsyayana Mallanaga) where they are fleshed out in more detail and in a more complete context (there's more to spirituality, and certainly to life itself, then sex, after all). For those who need a step-by-step guide to getting their life together, outside the context of sexuality, I have found no better than Barbara Sher's classic, "Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want." That said, Deida is a pretty good condensation of what most people have suspected in the back of their minds. Deida reads best when e's talking solely on sexuality. When he gets into more heady topics - spirituality, personality - things get pretty chaotic. As a guide to discovering your sexuality, this is excellent. As a guide to spirituality, the reader probably already knows there are better places to go for that.

I've since heard Deida speak, and found him refreshingly down-to-earth - he doesn't take himself or these concepts all that seriously (even admitting that he believes very little of what he says). Readers would do best to take out of his writing what speaks to them, and not necessarily taking it as dogma.

75 of 83 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Relief and Acceptance for Men As They Are, December 27, 2004

By	Stacy A. Clark (Boulder, Colorado) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

"Way of the Superior Man" is my first recommendation to every male student who comes to me for guidance in spiritual relationships. Men are relieved to find that their feelings are normal and natural. The book helps men to find and reclaim their power in relationships in a compassionate and honoring way. My students come back telling me that this is the best book they've read in a long time.

The chapters are short enough to read in the bathroom if you aren't inclined to read very much. Deida doesn't pull any punches. He is direct, masculine and to-the-point in his caring presentation of his material.

Chapters on "Stop Hoping for Your Woman to Get Easier" and "Her Complaint Is Content-Free" certainly give information that I find brilliant and true as a woman. Men tell me that they have solved a large percentage of their relationship problems by following Deida's ideas and guidelines.

See the hardback edition for the "Look Inside This Book" The Table of Contents is fabulous.

Stacy Clark, MA
Boulder, Colorado

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic; Perspective-Changing, November 15, 2005

By	Gorilla "-Gorilla" (Boston/Vienna) - See all my reviews

I can't say enough good things about this book. For starters, dissecting and commenting on the individual chapters themselves (there are MANY, and they are short) would take longer than is necessary or useful. The most useful effect this book had on me was that every time I got up to take a break from reading it, I looked at the world around me in a different way.

Chances are if you're reading this review, you know what I mean; it's RARE. The effect doesn't wear off after a few hours, or days, or weeks. If you're willing to drop what you know for a little bit, and let it be completely reinterpreted by a new unifying perspective, then this book will change not only how you look at life, but also how you move through it.

Specifically, I loved the parts of the book that prompted me to re-examine and interpret the tremendous effect of youthful feminine energies in my life, in addition to the sexual, more mature feminine energies I encounter romantically. There is an amazing perspective to be found in this book, and every man should read it.

-Gorilla