35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child (Guidebook Series) [Paperback]

Dougy Center Staff (Author)

Book Description

Series: Guidebook Series | Publication Date: October 25, 1999

If you know a child or teen who has experienced a death, this guidebook presents you with simple and practical suggestions for how to support him or her. Learn what behaviors and reactions to expect from children at different ages, ways to create safe outlets for children to express their thoughts and feelings and how to be supportive during special events such as the memorial service, anniversaries and holidays.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Since 1983, The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families has provided loving support in a safe place where children, teens and their families grieving a death can share their experiences as they move through their healing process. Based in Portland, Oregon, The Dougy Center works regionally, nationally and internationally to provide support and training to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children in grief.

The Dougy Center is supported solely through private support from individuals, foundations and companies, and receives no state or federal funding. The Dougy Center does not charge a fee for its services.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Listen.

After a death, many children want to share their story. They may want to tell you what happened, where they were when they were told about the death, and what it was like for them. Telling their story is a healing experience. One of the best ways adults can help young grievers is to listen to their stories.

As adults, we're often too quick to offer advice, give opinions and make judgments. We think we know what's best for our children, and we want to make sure they get the right information. But while we're busy talking, sometimes we miss important messages from children about what they need and how we can best help them.

Suggestions for being a good listener:

Don't give advice or make judgments.

Reflect back what the child said using the child's words.

Paraphrase the child's words.

Ask clarifying questions.

Here's an example of a child's statement and adult responses using the above suggestions:

Child- "My daddy died in a plane crash. At first, I was sad. But then I was so angry when I found out they let him fly when it was a storm. I yelled at the guy from the airline. I hate him."

Don't:

Give advice or make judgments:

Adult- "Hate is a very strong word. You probably don't hate him. You're mad now, but you'll get over it. It's a horrible thing that happened.

Do: Reflect back what the child said using the child's words:

Adult- "So your dad died in a plane crash. You felt sad at first, but then you were angry because they let him fly when the weather was stormy. So you yelled at the guy at the airline, and you feel that you hate him."

Paraphrase the child's words:

Adult- "It sounds like you felt many different feelings after your dad died. Sad feelings. Mad feelings and feelings of hate."

Ask clarifying questions:

"So what was it like when you felt all those different feelings?"

"So what kinds of things do you do when you feel sad? Or angry?"

Product Details

• Paperback: 55 pages
• Publisher: Dougy Center; 1 edition (October 25, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 189053403X
• ISBN-13: 978-1890534035
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #77,087 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #5 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Psychology & Counseling > Child Psychology > Development
  • #10 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Death & Grief > Grief & Bereavement
  • #97 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Parenting & Families > General

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

23 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Well Done, November 16, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child (Guidebook Series) (Paperback)

Congratulations to the Dougy Center Staff for creating this book. It is a much needed resource.
I also purchased After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death (video)
The two are awesome resources for children.
Keep up the good work.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful - Easy to Read and Understand, May 24, 2009

By 

Pamela Gabbay (Palm Desert, California) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child (Guidebook Series) (Paperback)

As a program director at a local center for grieving children, I utilize this book in many ways. I have it available in our parent/caregiver group room and I have recommended it to local school counselors and teachers. I recommend it to family and friends of grieving children who call our center and wonder how, in addition to possibly utilizing our center's services, they can help the child who has just experienced the death of someone close to them. Each page is full of practical and helpful ways that a grieving child can be supported. This book is easy to read and understand, just what individuals need in the chaotic wake left after someone dies.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent book for anyone supporting a grieving child!, March 19, 2009

By 

Sadie - See all my reviews

This review is from: 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child (Guidebook Series) (Paperback)

This book is written for adults who have a child who is grieving. As a grieving parent with an eight year old daughter I found this book well organized and easy to understand. After the death of my brother from a year long battle with cancer the last thing I needed was a heavy detailed trip into academia. Dealing with my own grief as a single parent and caring for my daughter was exhuasting. This is not a book that is intended specifically to help therapists, it is for grieving people helping their grieving kids. The Dougy Center, with their vast experience and wisdom, has written this to help adults and children. It helped me to help my daughter and myself. I am forever grateful.