We Adopted a Dusty Miller: One Family's Journey With An Attachment Disorder Child [Paperback]

Phyllis Bosley (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 7, 2000

We Adopted a Dusty Miller is a spellbinding and unusually frank narration of the roller coaster ride parents experience when they love a difficult child and are not successful in finding help. A strong marriage, a supportive family, a sense of humor, a persistent attitude, and the ability, finally, to let go of a heartbreaking situation combine to reveal a picture of the difficult journey many parents endure. The author tells in rapid succession the experiences and feelings that are common to parents of children suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder, and/or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Effect. The book describes the behavior usually present in children who are in need of therapeutic care. It provides an argument for the development of wrap-around services for these children and their families, demonstrating the need for community understanding and support. It offers a clear picture of the depth of disturbance that may be present in a child who, to outsiders, seems very charming. Having survived the experience with marriage intact, the Bosleys resolved to offer friendship and encouragement to other families traveling this difficult path in the hope that their daughter’s story will not be repeated.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Phyllis Bosley, parent, volunteer, and author is a lifelong advocate for children and families. She is a board member of Cedar Branch, Inc.(a child placing agency) and a facilitator for a support group for mothers of children diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder and/or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Effect.

Product Details

• Paperback: 99 pages
• Publisher: Authors Choice Press (October 7, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 059513257X
• ISBN-13: 978-0595132577
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #280,930 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars You Can't Change a Miller Into a Butterfly, June 21, 2004

By 

K. Hemmer "kathehemmer2" (Syracuse, NY United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

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This review is from: We Adopted a Dusty Miller: One Family's Journey With An Attachment Disorder Child (Paperback)

Mrs. Bosley presents this small,but remarkable book to
help others.Mainly parents who may not be aware of certain
difficulties encountered when adopting an older child,or
one who was hard to place in a family.
Rather,than scare adoptive parents,I think this will
enlighten them.They will be quicker to ask for help with a
child with an Attachment Disorder,and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Mrs. Bosley regrets some of the old-fashioned advice
regarding her daughter.She wishes she listened to a Mothers
instinct and held her during tantrums,although she was
told to let the chid work it out.
Education was stressed,and the importance of a diploma.
But a child who never develops social skills is at a total
loss in our society,where first you must communicate and
understand other people.
Anna was probably given more than her adoptive mother realizes.
I thought it was miraculous Mrs. Bosley's marriage held
together,and her older sons remained unscarred by the
upheavel of bring Anna into their midst.
Futher,I commend the telling of this story,so another
family will not feel they have failed.She continues to be
an advocate and facilitator of a support group for other
parents whose chidren have this double diagnosis.
I hope she lets us know how Anna continues in her Adult
life,if there is progress with age and training.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Admire These Parents' Tenacity RE: Older Adopted Kid, May 16, 2004

By A Customer

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This review is from: We Adopted a Dusty Miller: One Family's Journey With An Attachment Disorder Child (Paperback)

See those maudlin TV movies where someone adopts a rejected, older kid and flowers bloom at the end? Any parent in the real world, battling the real issues, knows what a lightweight farce those kind of scripts are. You're literally in the trenches, under siege.

Older adopted kids can be a godsend, as any adopted child can be -- but if they come from troubled, dysfunctional homes, with bad genetics, you are on a collision course to heartache. I bought this book to affirm my own journey with a disturbed teenage girl, who has lived with us for three years, and now is transitioning to a new home. If the disturbed child is a good actor or actress, other adults like sympathetic counselors and teachers will be completely bamboozled. They will assume you're the problem. Charges of false abuse can happen, too. You may feel isolated and alone, especially if you don't have access to superior attachment therapists who see beyond the manipulations of such disturbed children. If you're seen the movie, "Primal Fear," and Edward Norton's performance as the meek, accused murderer, who finally unveils his true calculating self at the end -- that's a disturbed child in a nutshell.

What prospective adoptive parents need to realize, is that emotional and psychological damage within the first three years of life, to a developing, vulnerable baby, can ruin their soul. Neglectful, abusive parenst can do so much damage. Know what you're getting into. Be optimistic, trust God, but buy this first-hand account of what can happen, when the child refuses to attach to a parent. I admire the parents of this story a lot. They kept trying, no matter how hellish it got. Their stories echoed what happened to my family when we tried to help a disturbed child. It is an incredible commitment. Even with all your love, your Herculean efforts to help, to heal, to emotionally connect, unless the adoptive child wants it, it will not happen. I do not mean to be so pessimistic. This book hit a nerve because it sounded a lot like our experiences. Good luck if you're adopting, read a cautionary tale or two, like this one, in addition to the sunny portrayals of life headed toward the sunset. Abide by the cliche, "prepare for the worst, hope for the best."

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Heartbreaking, June 9, 2008

By 

skg (gaithersburg, md United States) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: We Adopted a Dusty Miller: One Family's Journey With An Attachment Disorder Child (Paperback)

We adopted 2 girls from Russia 11.5 years ago. They just turned 16 and 17, and we've had numerous horrible adolescent problems with them, which I truly believe stem from Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (in the younger) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (in the older). But to read this poor woman's story just broke my heart. It doesn't matter how noble and pure your intentions, or how many different things you try and ways you intervene, some things are simply beyond our control. To be honest, her story was even worse than ours, so it gave me strength that someone out there TRULY understands what I'm going through. I have nothing but respect for these fine people.