Customer Reviews

We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

Dear Todd,

I love your books. I love the simplicity, those good-enough-to-eat illustrations, the organic diversity and your good neighbor values.

It breaks my heart to say I was disappointed with " We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families". The books's theme is that the child " needs " something. " A home, someone to help you grow healthy...a friend...someone to say I love you..."and then the parent fulfills all these needs. A perfect match?

My experience as a parent, an adoptive parent, is very different.It is a two way street with my little one and a very reciprocal relationship. Thank god we had the opportunity to adopt.

I know you are also a parent and understand what I am saying. Adoption doesn't change any of this. Maybe you could changes a few pages when you go back to print. (not too bossy huh?)

This book could work as-is with an older foster child who has experienced trauma and waits for a family. That child knows that they 'need' a home and all that goes with it.

Meanwhile, I continue reading " The Family Book" to my little girl and recommend it to all the adoptive & foster families I work with. I look forward to adding more of your books to our collection.

Take Care,
Beth O'Malley
adoptee & adoptive mom & social worker

As an adoptive parent, I wouldn't buy this book or read it to my daughter who was adopted. I agree with the reviewer who is also an adoptive parent that the message doesn't describe the heart of adoption. We didn't adopt our daughter because she needed a home - we adopted her because we wanted to have a big family and we are honored to be her parents. If you know any adopted children, putting them in the role of victim just doesn't ring true. The author must not have experience with adoption.

Someone bought this book for us and when I read it to my daughter I was glad she was too young to understand. The message is that we belong together because she needed things and we had them. We don't want her to grow up thinking that we did her a favor or she was a charity case. We wanted a child and this was how we chose to build our family. That's it. We had plenty of needs that she filled too.

Especially meaningful as we observe National Adoption Month, Todd Parr's bright, colorful book relates in language easy enough for the smallest child to understand what it means to become a family. He extends this warm text from children to include pets in need of a home, offering reasons why "we belong together."

While the reasons are elementary, they are also extremely powerful. Such as, "We belong together because you needed someone to help you grow healthy and strong, and I had help to give." Or, "We belong together because you needed someone to read to you and we had stories to share."

Share is often the operative word as once someone has become a part of a family then there are laughs to share, places to visit together, and most importantly love to share.

Adopted children will feel very special after hearing and seeing Todd Parr's views on making a family.

- Gail Cooke

It's unfortunate to hear harsh criticisms for a great book. Thanks, Todd Parr, for another delightful book!!!

I don't think the book paints a victim-savior picture at all. I think it presents a good, simple picture of adoption. Parents have LOVE to give, children have needs that can be lovingly met, and there is a reciprocal relationship between parents and their children where both are very blessed!!! The words and illustrations in this book give a great picture of that reciprocal relationship. All the parents have big smiles as they are shown doing things with their child which is one simple way this book shows that parents are very blessed by their children!

A child is an immense blessing to his/her parents and there is a beautiful, reciprocal relationship. I personally think that We Belong Together does a good job of showing this. "We belong together because... you needed a home, and I had one to share. Now we are a family!" (accompanied by a picture of a family playing together and having fun together and obviously the parents have joy from being with their children!)

We personally are adopting rather than having more biological children because:
A) We do have desires for a bigger family and take delight in being parents.
B) Because there is a dire NEED in this world for MILLIONS of children around the world to have a family.

It is a FACT that children have needs and that by design, a permanent family is what meets those needs. ALL children are needy! No child can provide for themselves nor have their needs FULLY met without a permanent, healthy family.

I DO feel that children without families are in fact victims as well--innocent victims of unfortunate circumstances in this harsh world that led them to be separated from their biological family and now are in need of a permanent family. Definition of a victim: "One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition." Acknowledging that children will suffer without a family does NOT mean that we see ourselves as rescuers or saviors or people doing a really awesome good deed. Acknowledging that should drive the world to compassion and sacrifice and generosity. . . and if parents are building their family, it's OKAY to let that be part of their decision of whether to pursue adoption or bring more children into the world biologically. Otherwise, there would be a LOT of families NOT adopting if somehow these kids would be OK on their own.

I do NOT feel that acknowledging that CHILDREN HAVE NEEDS and that adoption does indeed meet their needs, means that adoptive parents think they are saviors or that children should feel grateful to them. Any parent (with bio or adopted children) who feels that their children are there to meet their own needs, or feel that the child needs to be grateful to them has obviously got it wrong. I personally have never come across any adoptive parent who sees adoption that way (I'm sure there are some out there, but surely a very very slim minority), so I don't know why there is such a fuss about acknowledging that children have REAL NEEDS. People have a heart to meet that need--what's wrong with admitting that?

After all, adoption is a mean to provide a FAMILY for a child, NOT to provide a child for a family. If we ever put OUR needs above the needs of a child, we're treading in dangerous waters. Of course that child is a tremendous blessing to the parents and there is much fulfillment and joy in being a parent and it's natural to desire to be a parent, but parents can never put any expectation on a child to meet some sort of "need" of the adult.

I don't think this book says to a child--"You're so needy and look what we did for you!" like some of these comments are saying. Instead, it just presents simple facts of life which are true about ANY child (bio, adopted, without a family, or in a family). Any child needs a home, someone to help them grow, someone to kiss boo-boos, to be read to, and to say I LOVE YOU.

I also want to address the complaints of some of these comments, that it leaves out the birth parents, or leaves out such-and-such. Uhhh...it's a short children's book. There is no way a simple children's picture book is able to address all the ins and outs of adoption. There are many ways through a child's life to talk about birth parents, grief and loss, why some families have 1 parents and some have 2, and some have 2 moms or 2 dads, and other hard topics. I think it's unfair and unreasonable to expect a short children's book to address all of those issues!

This book could definitely provide opportunities for further discussions with your child, though. A child might ask, "Why couldn't my first mom help me 'grow healthy and strong?'" (words from the book) Or, "Why does that girl have two moms?" (also in the book, although if you are not comfortable talking about same-gender parents yet with a very young child, you could easily suggest that maybe that's a single mom and her sister or the grandma.

There is also a page that looks like there are two dads, although one of the parents looks like it *could* be either female or male. It took me a long time to notice that it is likely two males. Again, if there are family structures you don't agree with or want to wait to talk about with your child when they're older, you can make adjustments yourself (even take a sharpie and draw a bow in the one's hair if you want!). All of us parents will have to talk at some point with our children about differences in families, whether or not someone agrees with all those differences. You wouldn't have to avoid this book or be forced into any discussions prematurely. . . it leaves room for tweaking it on your own, in my opinion.

Let me start by saying I love Todd Parr's books. The Family Book is my favorite. As an adoptive Mom and social worker I was excited to order his latest book about adoption. I was very disappointed after receiving it and would never share it with my two children or recommend it to anyone whose families were formed through adoption. I agree with the other reviewers that the "victim" message of adoption is all wrong for our children. We did not adopt them to "rescue" them but because my husband and I wanted children to love. We consider ourselves lucky to be their parents. I did not tell my husband how I felt about the book, just asked him to read it and give me his impression. He felt the same way I did, that it should not be shown to our children as it is NOT a message we want them to receive. I hope Todd Parr reads his reviews and considers the important feed back from adoptive parents.

I love the illustrations, but as many other reviews said, the message is so one sided and sad. It gives the feeling that the child should be grateful to be adopted. I adopted my son through foster care and have the same reaction when people say what a wonderful thing my husband and I are doing. I always feel they have it so wrong, my son was the wonderful thing that happened to us!

My two year old's Must Read nightly book!
Adopted from foster care in 2008 (along with his brother and sister), I add a few words here and there, such as "you needed a safe home" instead of "you needed a home" and he sits and nods his head in agreement throughout.
I love the repeated theme of you needed...we had...now we're to help him comprehend the idea that we are building a family out of a group of individuals.

As an adoptee & an adoptive mother I found this book insulting. It places the adoptee in a deficit position right from the word go as it is all based on them needing something & the parents being able to supply it.

The book never mentions the child ability to fulfil the parents needs.

I would of prefered to give the book no stars but to post a review I had to at least give it 1 star.

This book is a wonderful and simple affirmation of the loving bond between parent and adopted child. One small criticism tho - I felt at times that there was too much emphasis on the 'good deed' that the adoptive parent was doing by 'giving' the child a home. Otherwise, another wonderful book from a fabulous author.