We Suffered in Silence: How a Pastor's Family Lived in Shame While Hiding Dark Spots on the Clerical Collar [Paperback]

Velva B. Holt (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 22, 2008

Dick had Good looks and Charisma. How could his parishioners know, or believe, that behind the Parsonage door, their beloved Pastor hid the Ugly Secret - of "deception." His 'emotional battering' stripped his wife, Carol, of her Self-Worth, Identity and Respect. His family "Suffered in Silence" while hiding, ever Darkening Spots, on his "Clerical Collar." Even Dick's Employer refused to believe the pleadings of his wife. * Are You a Pastor's Wife-hiding your shame of abuse behind makeup and an artificial smile? * Does Your 'Christian' Husband-use the Bible to Batter you into believing that you are a failure as a Christian and a wife? Religious Leaders MUST address the Explosion of domestic violence that hides behind the 'protected' doors of the Parsonage and the Christian home. The Church has been Silent and in Denial too long. Robert Coombs MA, In his Chapter, "The Blameless Man?" suggests ways in which Pastors and Christian Men can avoid stress, addictive behaviors and keep from falling into the 'Woman Trap.' He also recommends that the Church and Religious Organizations require accountability for their members and employees who are physically and emotionally abusive. Mable Dunbar, Ph.D., in her Chapter, "The Power of Emotional Healing" shows that "A Broken Woman or Man CAN be Repaired!" You don't need to "Suffer In Silence" anymore. By reading this book you can take the first step to Breaking the Silence. No more hiding; No more shame. You are "PRICELESS-NOT WORTHLESS" "For God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Velva B. Holt - As a pastor's wife, she was involved in Women's Ministry, and was an accomplished pianist and music teacher. As an author, she had over 200 Christian Articles and poems published.

Product Details

• Paperback: 236 pages
• Publisher: Xulon Press (May 22, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 160477990X
• ISBN-13: 978-1604779905
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,756,417 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating Story of an Unfaithful Pastor, July 20, 2008

By 

Michael Preyer "mailmanx" (San Diego, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: We Suffered in Silence: How a Pastor's Family Lived in Shame While Hiding Dark Spots on the Clerical Collar (Paperback)

Velva Holt, the author of "We Suffered In Silence", lived the story she wrote. Far from being a boring autobiography, the story pulled me in and I read the book in one sitting. It was sad to read how the pastor's wife and daughter suffered emotionally in knowing that he was sleeping with women in the church whom he was supposed to be counseling. The story also points out how leaders of the church seemed unwilling to believe that one of their pastors was being unfaithful, so they let it go on for many, many years.

Happily, through God's healing power, both the wife and daughter eventually found peace. In fact, Virginia Holt-Coombs, the daughter of the author, wrote a chapter with her insight on the topic. Virginia's husband, Bob Coombs, and Mable Dunbar, both professional counselors, each wrote a chapter providing helpful advice to readers who might be dealing with similar trauma in their own lives.

I highly recommend this book.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars From Death to Healing, July 14, 2008

By 

Ginge "Truth Warrior" (No. California USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: We Suffered in Silence: How a Pastor's Family Lived in Shame While Hiding Dark Spots on the Clerical Collar (Paperback)

Emotional abuse is a near death experience. When the abuser is your pastor husband you would rather BE dead. "We Suffered In Silence" is a true story written by Velva Holt who was the victim/wife, goes from pain to victory. Sadly there is not a happy ending for the abusive husband but the wife's victory brings healing to herself and to her hurting readers. Included are chapters written by her daughter and two credentialed christian counselors. Pictures of the family and resource material for victims create a personal touch that draws you into this sad but courageous family.WE SUFFERED IN SILENCE

5.0 out of 5 stars Breaking the Silence, October 28, 2010

By 

D Purple Lamb "D Purple Lamb" (Orlando, FL) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: We Suffered in Silence: How a Pastor's Family Lived in Shame While Hiding Dark Spots on the Clerical Collar (Paperback)

I purchased this book after hearing one of the contributing Christian professionals Dr. Mable Dunbar speaks on Domestic Violence. When I got the book I glance but began to read and as the previous reviewer stated, I was drawn into the story. I felt drained and reminded of the need for self-care in working with women in this situation. I had to put the book down for a few minutes but quickly returned and finished in two days. This story is a must even if you've never known anyone in this situation it reminds us of the fact that it is all of our responsibility to hold our leaders in and out of the church responsible for our their actions. Yet we have to give women/men permission to leave abusive relationship without spending so much time on "forgiveness". Yes, forgive but also take care of one mental and physical self. Although this story does not have a happy ending it made me feel the pain and suffering that this woman endured all for the sake of protecting the "name of the church" which in turn to a degree turned their back on her by protecting her husband all those years. We should discuss and talk about situations like this so that our church members especially know that it does happen and there is support for them when they too need to get out of relationships like this. This is a must for those women's groups who want to bring up a topic of discussion. As unhappy as it is it was well worth the effort and time given to publish this story and I hope that many will be empowered to help others not have to endure this. Church should be a safe place but sometimes it can be the death of our soul. The women who were involved with the pastor too are to blame for letting their guard down or contributing but in the end it was the pastor who was to blame. He destoryed so many lives and God only know how many left the church. May we work toward getting the word out and break the silence. Loved the book.