Customer Reviews

We Suffered in Silence: How a Pastor's Family Lived in Shame While Hiding Dark Spots on the Clerical Collar

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Velva Holt, the author of "We Suffered In Silence", lived the story she wrote. Far from being a boring autobiography, the story pulled me in and I read the book in one sitting. It was sad to read how the pastor's wife and daughter suffered emotionally in knowing that he was sleeping with women in the church whom he was supposed to be counseling. The story also points out how leaders of the church seemed unwilling to believe that one of their pastors was being unfaithful, so they let it go on for many, many years.

Happily, through God's healing power, both the wife and daughter eventually found peace. In fact, Virginia Holt-Coombs, the daughter of the author, wrote a chapter with her insight on the topic. Virginia's husband, Bob Coombs, and Mable Dunbar, both professional counselors, each wrote a chapter providing helpful advice to readers who might be dealing with similar trauma in their own lives.

I highly recommend this book.

Emotional abuse is a near death experience. When the abuser is your pastor husband you would rather BE dead. "We Suffered In Silence" is a true story written by Velva Holt who was the victim/wife, goes from pain to victory. Sadly there is not a happy ending for the abusive husband but the wife's victory brings healing to herself and to her hurting readers. Included are chapters written by her daughter and two credentialed christian counselors. Pictures of the family and resource material for victims create a personal touch that draws you into this sad but courageous family.WE SUFFERED IN SILENCE

I purchased this book after hearing one of the contributing Christian professionals Dr. Mable Dunbar speaks on Domestic Violence. When I got the book I glance but began to read and as the previous reviewer stated, I was drawn into the story. I felt drained and reminded of the need for self-care in working with women in this situation. I had to put the book down for a few minutes but quickly returned and finished in two days. This story is a must even if you've never known anyone in this situation it reminds us of the fact that it is all of our responsibility to hold our leaders in and out of the church responsible for our their actions. Yet we have to give women/men permission to leave abusive relationship without spending so much time on "forgiveness". Yes, forgive but also take care of one mental and physical self. Although this story does not have a happy ending it made me feel the pain and suffering that this woman endured all for the sake of protecting the "name of the church" which in turn to a degree turned their back on her by protecting her husband all those years. We should discuss and talk about situations like this so that our church members especially know that it does happen and there is support for them when they too need to get out of relationships like this. This is a must for those women's groups who want to bring up a topic of discussion. As unhappy as it is it was well worth the effort and time given to publish this story and I hope that many will be empowered to help others not have to endure this. Church should be a safe place but sometimes it can be the death of our soul. The women who were involved with the pastor too are to blame for letting their guard down or contributing but in the end it was the pastor who was to blame. He destoryed so many lives and God only know how many left the church. May we work toward getting the word out and break the silence. Loved the book.