This anthology is a collection of poems about divorce written by many women, each of whom has a different story. The poems are organized to reflect the stages of divorce, and they cover a wide range of emotions, from turmoil and dismay to triumph. This is finally a book about growth and empowerment. We Used To Be Wives includes poems by Susanne Bowers, Marge Piercy, Margaret Kaufman, and more.
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Editorial Reviews
From the Publisher
Things I Don’t Want to Share with Him Anymore— And Other Reflections on Divorce
If you have divorced or know anyone who has, We Used To Be Wives—Divorce Unveiled Through Poetry will throw light—humorous, moving, angry, suspicious, forgiving, and transforming light—on this common yet life-altering experience. In the introduction to We Used To Be Wives, editor Jane Butkin Roth points out that now, with so many opportunities open to women, we don’t have to define ourselves only as mother or wife. But with this new freedom comes a tendency to minimize the effects of divorce—marriage is no longer all we have, so what’s the big deal? We Used To Be Wives reminds us that with a divorce come losses to mourn and changes to love and hate.
More than seventy women who have experienced divorce contribute to this new anthology of poetry. We Used To Be Wives is organized into sections to reflect the stages of divorce. The poems cover a wide range of emotions—not always pretty, not always decorous—that reveal the true feelings that many women live with before, during, and after a divorce.
But these passionate writings about divorce aren’t whining or complaining. These are spunky accounts that shout out the realities of divorce. Keddy Ann Outlaw’s "Things I Don’t Want to Share With Him Anymore" is a true list of those things—practical and intimate—that couples share, and it reveals what was and what isn’t anymore. Marge Piercy’s "A story wet as tears" is about the frog who turned into a prince, but then, after years of marriage, turned back into a frog. Dina Ben-Lev’s "Driving" sorts out the fact that love can change or disappear, how a marriage can fail, and what she misses from her marriage. Francine Witte’s "Falling" catches a couple’s bittersweet moment of honesty and tenderness, an acknowledgment of the end of their marriage. Joanne McCarthy’s "The Vagina Poem" is a monologue celebrating retirement from sexual obligation.
With poems by famous and lesser-known poets, We Used To Be Wives is a handbook to survive divorce, and not because it’s instructive or therapeutic—though it is—but because it’s a companion along the road. The experiences and emotions found here purge and reveal, explore and heal.
From the Author
Editor Jane Butkin Roth Discusses We Used To Be Wives
Question: Will I be depressed after reading these poems about divorce?
Editor Jane Butkin Roth: Reading about our collective experiences through divorce may give us courage. The depressing situation of loss of love and failure of marriage is already there, and I cannot promise the reader that she won't be moved, touched or even deeply saddened as she reads some poignant writings that express the depth of sorrow that comes with divorce. Though the subject of divorce is sad and serious, not every poem is gut-wrenchingly sorrowful. Many show tenderness, quiet reflection, faith, enthusiasm about change, even surprising humor. There’s a balance and variety of emotion and content that help show the journey of divorce as more than a one-way ticket to hell.
Q: Why use poetry to discuss divorce? JBR: Poetry is concise, brief, powerful. It’s like high-octane fuel. Divorce manifests itself in so many ways, sometimes all at once, sometimes not. Sometimes it feels like a crazy ride, overpowering and overwhelming; at other times, the slowest, most stagnant kind of process; at other times a zig-zag kind of ride with gifts of promise and hope just beyond each unopened door. Poetry can be a mirror to this. These poems don't provide literal steps or "how-to-recover-from-divorce" methods, but suggest a dynamic and evolving process, one without strict guidelines or demarcations, one with phases we might travel through.
Q: Is there humor in We Used To Be Wives, and how is that helpful? JBR: When life is unbearably tragic, humor comes to the rescue, like a lifeboat. We need to laugh—at ourselves and at the bizarre situations we find ourselves in. While I wouldn't characterize the book as comic, there is a lot of humor in it—some very sophisticated, some delightfully wicked, and some refreshingly silly.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
WE USED TO BE WIVES,
By
This review is from: We Used To Be Wives: Divorce Unveiled Through Poetry (Paperback)
As a contributor to this book, I must, from the get-go, admit to bias. However, as a poet and frequent contributor to anthologies and literary journals, I'm also a pretty tough critic. When I received my copies of We Used to be Wives, I almost expected the kind of work often found in some anthologies (work that would possibly not make it into literary journals and magazines, or at least not high quality publications.) I was very pleasantly surprised to find the poetry therein to be of the highest quality work from extremely talented and accomplished poets. I've truly enjoyed each of these poems about the times before, during, and after the trauma of divorce. There's no whining here, but a great deal of honesty and insight about divorce and the losses incurred therein in these very accessible heartwarming poems. I recommend this great collection to anyone who has gone, is going through, or is considering divorce. I also recommend it to any unmarried woman dealing with the end of a relationship. Loss is loss, regardless of one's marital status. Perhaps not surprisingly, one finds a good deal of humor here, and is dazzled with the level of maturity evident in these poems. Read We Used To Be Wives. You'll love it.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Inspirational Poems On The Subject Of Divorce,
By Nancy Herzog (Frontenac, MO USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: We Used To Be Wives: Divorce Unveiled Through Poetry (Paperback)
This book is a far cry from the "male bashing" that one might expect. I found many of the poems poignant and uplifting. Divorce, like life, is not all black and white/good and evil. This book does a good job of demonstrating the many complex layers of divorce. What I liked best about this book is that each poem gives insight not only to divorce, but also gives a snapshot history of each marriage which allows the reader to care about the authors. I have bought several copies of WE USED TO BE WIVES as gifts for friends going through the divorce process and would recommend it to all going down this path on the way towards a new life.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Srrong recommendation for women experiencing divorce,
By Ramona John (Crowley, TX USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: We Used To Be Wives: Divorce Unveiled Through Poetry (Paperback)
As a family lawyer, for many years I listened to women who were getting a divorce.I wish I could have given a copy of this book to each of them. I think it would have brought them comfort and assured them that they were not truly as alone as they sometimes felt.I know that's what it will do for readers who are going through a divorce today.
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