Wedded Strangers: Russian-American Marriages [Hardcover]

Lynn Visson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1998

Despite the often strained relations between their countries, for years hundreds of American and Russian journalists, diplomats, performers, students, scientists, businessmen and tourists have sought -- and continue to seek -- romance and marriage on the other side of the ocean. Russian-American marriages reflect many of the same issues and problems that other inter-cultural marriages do, but at the same time, there are challenges that are particular to unions between Russians and Americans. In this fascinating study of the issues that these couples must confront, Dr. Lynn Visson explores such questions as: Why are Americans and Russians so intensely attracted to each other? What do they expect from romance and marriage? For better or worse, how do they live together? Why do these couples have such frequent misunderstandings when they are fluent in each other's language? With numerous examples and case studies garnered from ten years of research and interviews with nearly 100 couples, the author provides significant and often startling insights into the unique challenges and problems facing Russian-American couples.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Marriages and other relationships between Russian and American nationals have been occurring for many years, even during the depths of the Cold War. Prominent individuals such as Susan Eisenhower (Breaking Free, LJ 5/15/95), Lee Harvey Oswald, and ballerina Gelsey Kirkland have occasionally brought the issue to public attention. Visson, a student of Russian culture married to a Russian, has gone beyond such public figures to interview nearly 100 couples representing many possible variations (living in the United States or in Russia, happily married or bitterly divorced), grouping their pitfalls into categories, such as different tastes, customs concerning food and entertaining, expectations, and communication styles. Her findings are long on human interest but short on analysis, with the result that it does not become clear how Russian American marriages stand out from other transnational unions. Nevertheless, this well-researched and lively title will interest lay readers.?Marcia L. Sprules, Council on Foreign Relations Lib., New York
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

The Cold War may have officially ended, but, as Visson shows, the battle lives on in the culturally dysfunctional marriages made by Russians and Americans. Throughout the 20th century, and often against serious odds, Russians and Americans have been falling in love and marrying. Visson, an interpreter and writer, herself married to a Russian, has interviewed some 100 of these cross-cultural couples and researched the lives of couples in the earlier part of this century in an effort to understand the strange mutual attraction between people whose countries were usually antagonists. While rational explanations can only partly answer questions about romance (though at different times Russians and Americans have decidedly held romantic notions of each other), extensive interviews offer a sometimes painful, sometimes hilarious window onto the daily challenges of these marriages. Visson's subjects range from Isadora Duncan and poet Sergei Esenin to Lee and Marina Oswald, and finally to a more frequently cited group of contemporary couples. The earlier couples lend historical interest to what is otherwise a sociological study. The contemporary couples are more familiar types (often virtually stereotypes)their interests and circumstances focus far more on material rather than ideological matters. Visson's bumpy narrative jumps from couple to couple in a variety of chapters dealing with finding a spouse, adapting to one's new situation, and the challenging process of living as a cross-cultural couple. Visson discusses everything with them, from sex to in-laws and eating habits, and many of the responses are memorable. Commenting on American style, one Russian husband yells at his wife, ``All you American females yapping about liberation, always in a rushyou look as if you came off the garbage heap! No wonder you couldn't find an American husband!'' Some stay together despite serious differences, but many divorce (including, you guessed it, the above-cited couple). Conclusion: Americans are from Saturn, Russians are from Uranus. -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 250 pages
• Publisher: Hippocrene Books (May 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0781806461
• ISBN-13: 978-0781806466
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,450,538 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Relevent to Understanding, February 27, 2000

By 

James R. Harrington - See all my reviews

This review is from: Wedded Strangers: Russian-American Marriages (Hardcover)

This is a book I should have read four months ago, before my now ex-wife arrived in the U.S. on her fiancee visa. My best friend for the last few years has been a Russian woman I work with, but even that close friendship did not prepare me for the many surprises that followed my fiancee's arrival here. This book would have prepared me for 80% of the disconcerting differences I became aware of, and the understanding that the differences were cultural might possibly have made all the difference in the outcome of our relationship. Though the book is interesting and was enjoyable, it is not a book to read for fun - that is not its intention. It is a book written to educate people on what lies in store for you if you enter a Russian-American marriage, and I can attest to its accuracy and relevence. If you are an American and you think you love a Russian, or vice versa, I cannot recommend this book to you highly enough. If your partner does not read English well, I hope the book is available in Russian!

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for those in cross-cultural relationships, January 15, 2002

By 

Heather Lowe "hslowe" (Corning NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Wedded Strangers: Russian-American Marriages (Hardcover)

I bought this book because my boyfriend is Ukrainian and I was seeking to understand which of his habits were culturally driven and which were merely personality-based. I had some idea, but sought confirmation, and Visson's book gave that, in a well-written, engrossing package. Wedded Strangers serves as a sober reminder that cross-cultural relationships have an extra level of difficulty, and that they shouldn't be entered into without preparation and understanding.

I have a few wishes/suggestions for any future editions of this book.
--that experiences of more couples should be included.
--that younger, post-Communist couples be explored in a different chapter
--perhaps a postscript on love in the other former socialist republics
--I would also like to hear about a few more of the successful unions.

Perhaps the reason Visson didn't do any of that in the 2000 edition is that there simply wasn't room. But when you are seeking understanding of the one you love, you can't get enough...and I was left craving more information at the end of the book.

That said, the current edition of the book remains extremely valuable--especially for those Americans who have had little or no exposure to Russian culture and are starting from scratch. Those men who go shopping for brides in the former Soviet Union should not be allowed to leave without reading this book first.

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Really Wonderful and Insightful Book, October 20, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Wedded Strangers: Russian-American Marriages (Hardcover)

I have been living with my Russian boyfriend for 6 years in the U.S. and as our relationship began to become troubled, I began to search for an answer (from relationship problems, self help, communication problems etc.) and I found it in this book. And I honestly should have had it recently before I had the culturally shocking experience of visiting Russia first hand in late August of 2000.

This book does have a couple of chapters on the Old Soviet Union dating back to the 1900's and the political problems that arose from a Russian-American Union and the past difficulties of getting your loved one out of Russia but if you are patient and really want an in depth understanding of your partner this shouldn't be a problem. The book is deeply ingrained into Russia's Past (but from what I have seen the pride of Russian History is ingrained in Russians, whether or not they loved or hated their country). The book also states that many russians wore drab colored clothing. From what I have seen, yes Men still do and seem to prefer the more dark, neutral colors but that seems to be because Russia (apart from Big Cities like Moscow) is rather dirty. But the young women dress in all colors and in some shocking combinations. So yes, that part is somewhat out of date and there may be other things as well but I think that the main interest of this book is of the cultural differences between American women and Russian men, as well as Russian women and American men. Because in everyday life things can get misconstrued as an incompatibility issue or a communication problem but in fact is something that may be derived from a cultural difference. For example, the tone of voice a russian will speak to you in, may seem as if its demeaning or belittling you, or the beginnings of an arguement. The fact that some russians shower once a week and don't change their clothes everyday, wearing them day after day. The fact that sex seems to be a non topic. The close Russian ties with family. Their need for Russian friends. The fact that my russian is late to work everyday and so forth and so forth. Its those little things that happen in your lives day in and day out, that can pose a problem if you're not certain why its happening. It can even feel like an impasse.

Despite some of the outdated material, Lynn Visson has many insights into the russian and american cultures that will make you understand or say that's my Sergei. Which I am so grateful to her for. It helped me to understand things I would have never conceived to be our cultural differences. Now, we can work past them and go on to a Happy Marriage, which before this book probably would not have happened.

But I must say one thing, the book did give me somewhat of an impression that with all these differences how in the world could a russian-american union work. I had this overwhelming sense of doom but you have to apply the book to your own personal situation and the areas that are causing you both misunderstandings or even just to prevent them. Not every part of this book will match everyone but some of it will. I believe anyone in a russian-american relationship, looking for a russian or american mate, dating or otherwise would find this book a must read. It is the only book out there on the subject(and believe me I've looked). And this book has been really a wonderful blessing for me, I hope for you too. I hope this review helps. And Good Luck.

For those of you interested this book is available in Russian, for a russian version go to http://lexiconbridge.com/ibpbooks.htm