Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's? Parenting Together While Living Apart [Paperback]

Marc J. Ackerman Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0471130486 | ISBN-13: 978-0471130482 | Publication Date: October 15, 1996 | Edition: 1

"Dr. Ackerman appeals to the intellect and the heart. His book has the potential to change how parents view divorce—from their children's vantage point." —Margorie Engel Author of the Divorce Decisions Workbook and the Divorce Help Sourcebook

". . . gives clear, practical guidelines to all parents who are wrestling with the pangs of separation and divorce." —Lita Linzer Schwartz, PhD, ABPP Distinguished Professor Emerita Pennsylvania State University Coauthor, Painful Partings: Divorce and Its Aftermath

Divorce is tough for everyone involved, but it can be especially devastating for children. Ultimately, how children are affected depends on how parents conduct themselves during this trying time. Written by a psychologist and child custody expert, this book coaches you on what to expect during divorce, and how to act in your children's best interest. "Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's?" won't tell you how to "win" custody battles (a contest nobody ever really wins), but it will show you how to work with your spouse in order to effectively parent together while living apart.

Dr. Ackerman coaches you on every aspect of the divorce, custody, and co-parenting process. You'll learn how to help your children deal with their feelings about the divorce, and handle the changes in their lives. You'll also get a wealth of practical information on what to expect in the legal process, the ins and outs of various custody arrangements and visitation plans, and how to avoid the pitfalls of parenting from a distance.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Clinical psychologist and child custody expert Ackerman presents a practical guide for divorcing parents, emphasizing that the well-being of the children involved is always more important than the concept of winning. When children are part of the picture, divorce doesn't mean the end of a couple's relationship. Instead, divorcing couples must establish new ground rules in order to remain good parents even while living apart. In advising divorcing parents on how to get along, Ackerman explains how to create a flexible visitation schedule that allows children a sense of home and permanence, suggests ways to tell the children about the divorce (preferably, together) and tells how parents can maintain communication without making a child feel like "the monkey in the middle." The author uses examples from his practice to bring his points to life (e.g., the child who decided where to spend the night based on which parent was serving French fries; the parents who ended up in a brawl at their daughter's parent-teacher conference). Ackerman's practical solutions call for parents' willingness to be cooperative and flexible (such as sharing rather than alternating holidays, or allowing a former spouse unscheduled time to attend a special event with the child). Sections on attorneys and legal matters are also included. This is a useful resource to help parents reason their way through the eventuality-or prospect-of divorce.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From the Publisher

Two million parents divorce every year. In this wise and practical guide, Ackerman helps parents deal with the legal and emotional issues of child custody in divorce. He does not focus on "winning" custody battles but on finding the best arrangement for both parent and child. The book guides parents through coping with children's guilt, fear and feelings of abandonment, as well as practical issues such as custody disputes, relocation, remarriage, and long distance co-parenting.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Wiley; 1 edition (October 15, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0471130486
• ISBN-13: 978-0471130482
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.8 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,234,304 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

40 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars An Informative Examination of Guidelines to Follow, July 19, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's? Parenting Together While Living Apart (Paperback)

When I picked up this book I was looking for some information about the author. I wanted to get an idea on his perspective on shared placement and co-parenting. I had become quite "stuck" in the once traditional way of thinking that the mom should automatically be the primary caretaker (because I had always been). I was extremely concerned that my 4-year old son feel as though he had his "own" home rather than feeling like a ping-pong ball with no place he could call his own. After re-educating myself, I soon realized that my son has adjusted very well and I believe he feels perfectly okay with the fact that he now has 2 homes and 2 families to be loved in. I was delighted to find that the author has written this book in everyday terms and provides some wonderful information on how to handle many aspects of the divorce/co-parenting situation.

We, as divorcing individuals, need to put aside (and work through our own grieving of the end of the marri! age and dreams we had ourselves) or the "negative intimacy" that clouds much of our initial reactions and decisions. The bottom line is that if we are truly loving and wanting to make the healthiest transition from a two-parent home to "2" - one-parent homes for our children, we must make a conscious effort to put our children truly first and not allow our emotions (or the button pushing attempts of the other parent) to trigger unhealthy reactions and/or responses from us. I have realized that if my child's father tries to push my buttons - it is because he is at a different coping level within the grieving process of divorce (negative intimacy) than I am. When I view it from this standpoint, I am much more successful at dodging those buttons!