The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love in a Time-Starved World [Hardcover]

Mira Kirshenbaum (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 10, 2005

From the bestselling author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay comes the first marriage guide designed for our fast-paced lives—a revolutionary, streamlined approach for couples who want to make the most of every precious moment together.


Forget Mars and Venus. It’s our time-starved lives that are hurting our relationships. A book that is sure to be much talked about, The Weekend Marriage will transform our understanding of what two people need to have a happy marriage. Mira Kirshenbaum is the first to argue that the real obstacle to a life full of love is not knowing how to handle our relationships when we have so little time.

In this marriage guide for the twenty-first century, Kirshenbaum shares the proven secrets of people who have figured out how to nurture their love no matter what their schedules. (And it’s the busiest partner who determines how much time the couple has for each other.) In our fast-paced society, the intimate, one-on-one connection between spouses is too often neglected in a rush of familial and social obligations; spending precious hours untangling knotty problems is the last thing couples need. Kirshenbaum’s fresh ideas show how most marital conflicts can easily be resolved, and some can even be ignored. She offers four realistic, easy-to-follow recommendations for transforming a time-starved relationship into a thriving and fulfilling marriage.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

If you're afraid of "turning into one of those couples who go into therapy because they bicker all the time,"[p. 120] search no more for marital advice. According to bestselling author Kirshenbaum, the ever-increasing divorce rates in the U.S. aren't due to the often-reported irreconcilable differences, but rather a lack of "quality time" together. As overused as that term is, Kirshenbaum (Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay) persuasively argues that the American state of matrimony is all too often the victim of what she calls "Murphy's law" of marriage: "The less time you have together, the more things go wrong in your relationship."[p. 3]

Her prescription for finding "abundant love" in a world that's bursting with beeping Palm Pilots is pretty simple. "Successful weekend-marriage couples ruthlessly put their marriage first. Tough nuggies to everyone else." [p.147] she warns that such prioritizing may tick off some family members, as she recommends that married folks cut way back on socializing with friends and even visiting aging relatives, if those visits can be implicated in a lack of couple time.

Some of her other advice is more palatable. She recommends that couples never keep joint checking accounts, as they're often a major source of stress and arguments. Instead, one spouse should be responsible for paying the mortgage, and the other the rest of the bills, if those amounts are roughly equal. Kirshenbaum also says that it's best to ignore each other for a while when you're both finally at home at dinnertime, so as to avoid the "negative energy" of venting about the day's stresses. Using Kirshenbaum's many "guerrilla tactics" for preserving (or resurrecting) romance, couples may very well find they have "less time for anger, more time for love." --Erica Jorgensen

From Publishers Weekly

Today's overextended life leaves working couples with little time for real intimacy, says Kirshenbaum (Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay), and the less good time couples spend together, the greater the chances their relationship will sour. Lack of intimacy fosters misunderstandings, disagreements and tensions that could lead even loving spouses to divorce. In a conversational, empathetic manner, Kirshenbaum describes four strategies to restore affection, sex and joy to time-starved relationships: taking care of yourself, building hope, creating abundant love and healing the hurts. Kirshenbaum draws her suggestions from personal experience and from interviews with harried couples, providing a wide range of interesting possibilities. Get over anger is one tip: staying mad at your spouse takes up way too much time and negative energy. The author also suggests limiting the demands of relatives, friends and even children in order to put the relationship first. Techniques for personal revitalization are as simple as listening to music, taking a bath or getting a massage. Kirshenbaum's gentle advice could recharge many an exhausted marriage—if busy couples can find time to read it. Agent, Howard Morhaim.(May)
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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Harmony (May 10, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1400080983
• ISBN-13: 978-1400080984
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #302,392 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Mira Kirshenbaum is clinical director of the Chestnut Hill Institute, a center for therapy and research in Boston, and has been treating patients in individual and couples therapy for more than thirty years. She is the author of ten other books, including Our Love is Too Good, To Feel So Bad, Everything Happens for a Reason, and When Good People Have Affairs.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars You really must read this book, May 15, 2005

By 

Carolyn O'Shea "Carolyn O'Shea" (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love in a Time-Starved World (Hardcover)

When I first ran across this book I thought, Hmmm, might be worth checking out. I counsel a lot of couples and I've long been aware how busy we all are these days. But The Weekend Marriage is a revelation. Finally someone has put her finger on what is causing so much trouble in our relationships: no time for love. This is important because as Kirshenbaum shows we can now stop the destructive business of blaming each other for the state of our relationships. What I think is very special about this book is the practical advise that really will, I'm sure, turn things around for every busy couple. There is real help here, not silly fluff. Kirshenbaum covers everything. How to bring closeness and affection back. How to stop fighting and still express your needs. How important it is to take care of yourself. How to break free of old patterns. I am going to beg all my patients and friends to read and use this blessedly short book that I really enjoyed. Thank you, Mira Kirshenbaum.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Lots of useful information here!, September 2, 2005

By 

Linda Kate (Michigan) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love in a Time-Starved World (Hardcover)

We have been married for 43 years but we had reached some new problems with retirement togetherness. This book is intended for the married with children group when both partners are too busy for nurturing a relationship. But we found and adopted some of the ideas brought forth in this book. My husband is amazed how quickly we found answers that are working GREAT for us now. We are creating positive energy where none was before and finding solutions that revitalize our lives and bring FUN into our 43 year old marriage. We learned models for making decisions ways to manage anger, break free of old patterns, and ways to get close that makes us the envy of our friends.
I recommend this book to any couple, it is easy to read and understand. It provides some good suggestions that anyone could easily adopt. If you buy this book, it won't gather dust after you have read it, you will go back to it again and again for more of the great ideas you find here.
Linda K. DeCamp
Michigan

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best couples book EVER, May 14, 2005

By 

Jenny Miller (Los Angeles) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love in a Time-Starved World (Hardcover)

Thank GOD there is finally a book for married people that deals with the real problems we all face, and actually says something, and has tons of real help. On almost every page I thought, this is me, this is my life. And you can DO the things Kirshenbaum suggests, and they WORK. Throw all your other so-called relationship books away -- this one sees you in your real life and offers real help. Oh, and it is really, really well written. I'm so impressed. I know this is going to make all the difference for me and my husband.