Customer Reviews

Welcome To the Jungle

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(9)

 

 

Based on the jacket of this DVD, I set my expectations for "a bloody gore fest." Trust me, Welcome to the Jungle qualifies more as a bore fest than a gore fest.

I didn't say it was a bore fest exactly. But the Welcome to the Jungle cast doesn't even run into their first native tribe member until about an hour into the film, and the film is only about an hour and 20 minutes long.

Back in 1961 Michael Clark Rockefeller (heir to the Rockefeller fortune) disappeared after a boating accident during an expedition in the Asmat region of New Guinea. It was speculated that Rockefeller drowned, but sensationalized by the theory that he was abducted, living among or perhaps even eaten by cannibals.

Welcome to the Jungle is about two young couples that get the bright idea to take their inexperience and hike into the Asmat jungles to see if they can find any proof of Rockefeller's true fate. Going back to the jacket of the DVD, it tells you that trouble starts when the couples run into "a fierce tribe of cannibals deep in the jungle." This gives you the impression that our couples are indiscriminately attacked while on their innocent trek. But everyone knows that today's Asmat Tribesman would only attack if provoked, right?...Like, say, because some knuckle-head desecrated an Asmat gravesite.

Some of the cast do indeed get brutalized. But a gore fest? No. Friday the 13th has *a lot* more slicing and dicing than you ever see in Welcome to the Jungle. In fact, you never actually see any of the real brutality while it's occurring in Welcome to the Jungle; you do see some of the carnage...but certainly not in the large doses that all of the hype seems to suggest.

Welcome to the Jungle has that handheld camera, Blair Witch Project feel throughout. Writer/Director Jonathan Hensleigh (also directed 2004's The Punisher and co-wrote a bunch of very popular flicks) goes for storytelling here...not shock. Yes, when things finally get ugly in this movie...it ain't pretty. It's R-rated stuff, but probably tamer than you're thinking it is.

So all in all...it's an okay movie. I'm no gore-monger, so the lack of it was just fine with me. With the underlying sense that something horrible is going to happen, Hensleigh does a masterful job of quenching the boredom of what amounts to more of a jungle expedition documentary than an all out Horror film.

Well gotta go. Lunch is served. Beef carpaccio...mmmmmmmmmm.

The DVD cover contains a quote: "Quite possibly the most terrifying film of the last decade." Say what? Here's my quote: "Quite possibly the worst film of the last century." What a total waste of time...and money. I bought the DVD for a penny...but had to pay $2.99 for shipping. It was still a rip-off...one of the worst (worthless) films ever. And how can producer Gale Ann Hurd allow them to put her name on the cover with her credits for such classic films as "The Terminator" and "Aliens"? Sounds to me like Gale is desperate...but I'm not. I'll never buy another film produced by her...ever. What an embarrassment to the film industry. Shame on you...and "shame on YOU (the viewer)" if you buy/watch this abomination.

As you've no doubt read from previous reviews, the DVD packaging and description of Welcome to the Jungle would make you think that this is a 21st century Cannibal Holocaust. Well, as you've no doubt figured out by now, it ain't. Welcome to the Jungle is instead an ill-fated semi-character study that follows a group of people (Sandy Gardiner, Callard Harris, Nick Richey, and Veronica Sywak) as they head into the New Guinea jungles in search of the heir to the Rockefeller fortune, who has been missing since 1961. We get to know this crew, for quite a while, before there is any action with cannibal tribesmen. All the build-up would be acceptable with we actually came to like the characters here and there were ample amounts of blood and gore (which are usually synonymous with cannibal flicks), but alas, the characters are annoying (and the acting is pretty bad to boot), and there is barely any blood to be found. Written and directed by Jonathan Hensleigh (the writer/director of 2004's The Punisher), Welcome to the Jungle is dreadfully underwhelming to say the least. While Hensleigh's filming technique offers a bit in the realm of suspense, it doesn't last long. Not to mention that at a brisk 80 plus minute running time, the film just feels poorly conceived. All in all, Welcome to the Jungle is an example of not judging a book by its cover. The film isn't scary, and old fans of the cannibal genre will be extremely disappointed with the end result here. That aside, the film may be worth a look at the very least for horror fans, but there isn't enough here to really recommend it.

If you've ever sat through a horrible movie thinking to yourself, "well... this is incredibly bad, therefore, it can only get better," then this movie is not for you. Not only does it start out awful and get worse... it gets downright ridiculous. This is the single worst movie that I have ever seen in my entire life. The plot is absolutely ludicrous. It is literally unbelievable. I honestly can't believe that Dimension Films green-lighted this project. "Hey... I got it... let's make a film about four idiots that are on vacation in New Guinea, and arbitrarily decide to go searching for Michael Rockefeller... you know... that guy that was the son of the governor of New York that disappeared in 1961 that four different governments were unable to find... better yet, let's shoot it on a couple of handycams like the Blair Witch Project... sound good?" Uh, no.



Honest to God, there is actually a part in the movie where the four main characters are given a traveler's advisory that says, "if you see a child or a woman in the middle of the road, either drive by or turn around, because they just want you to stop so that they can rob you. Serious harm and/or death can and usually does result if you stop." About 3 minutes later, this very thing happens, and what do our heroes do? You guessed it... stop dead, and talk about what to do for a couple minutes. Of course, four guys with guns come out and start shooting at the car.



This movie is so incredibly bad, that I wanted to drive back to Blockbuster and start slapping people that were standing anywhere near the other copies of this movie and were contemplating renting it. I can't even find the words to describe how bad this film actually is. I sat there after the movie ended and racked my brain about what movies I've see that are actually worse, and I couldn't think of a single one. It was so bad that it wasn't even fun to make fun of it... it was WAY too annoying for that. Every minute of that film that I sat through was more annoying than the last. I'm so bummed that I wasted an hour and fifteen minutes of my life, along with $2.99 and however many IQ points I lost. Do yourself a favor if you are considering buying or renting this movie... click the back button on your browser or move to another section of whatever rental store you are standing in. Believe me... you'll thank me.

An 80minute cannibal flick from Dimension Extreme? Sounds like my kinda senseless gorefest. Well, don't believe the bloody hype. This handheld camera venture is more of a documentary on human stupidity than on barbaric cannibalism. For shame....

The setup is pretty interesting, and is rooted in fact. In 1961, the Vice-President's son Michael Clark Rockefeller disappeared after a boating mishap during a little expedition in New Guinea. A massive manhunt ensued, but after the diligent search proved unsuccessful rumors surfaced that he drowned, was shredded by crocodiles, or even devoured by cannibals.

So, four decades later a group of young whippersnappers get the brilliant idea to go into the jungle searching for some clues on Rock's fate. They have outrageous dreams of selling the info to the tabloids for a million bucks. Yee-haw!
Of course, this was a bad idea.

Bad things could happen.... Really bad...

Most of this movie is about two couples walking through the jungle, bitching and moaning. Unbelievably uneventful. Not to mention the quest is entirely incomprehensible.

Not much action here at all. No nudity. No human devourage shown either. We basically are just shown glimpses of the aftermath, which is of course pretty brutal looking.

I'd say skip this unless you're bored....

This is the movie that does disservice to cannibal movies. Four of the stupidest college-age kids venture into the jungle of New Guinea in the hopes of solving the mystery of the disappearance of Michael Rockefeller in 1961. They meet up with a friendly bunch of natives who actually hand a cigarette lighter with Rockefellers initials to our quartet of dopes. Huh?

Twice in the movie each couple construct a raft and as they are floating along they become nervous when they see an increasing crowd of seemingly hostile natives carrying spears and bow and arrows. So what do our genius's do? They dock the raft onshore and start running through the jungle with the cannibals in hot pursuit. What????

So the obvious happens. They get eaten and the cannibals get indigestion.

Well it definitely ain't Cannibal Holocaust, that's for sure,
but it's does have a few of it's own moments.
None nearly as graphic or remotely as brutal, mind you.

Four morons set out into the jungle in search of the lost Rockerfeller,
in hopes of rescuing him, and claiming the million dollar reward.
What they find instead is hostile, blood-thirsty, cannibals who paint themselves white, and well.....they eat morons.

The dialogue is juvenile, but it keeps the story moving.
Struggles within the surrounding communities, as well as highway robberies, prevent the viewer from losing interest before entering the jungle.
Once inside the green labyrinth away from civilization confrontations flare, and the stupidity flows in abundance.

Obvious connections will be drawn between this and "The Blair Witch Project" due to the identical style and pace.
But this flick had one thing going for it that it's predecessor didn't.
A visible, tangible enemy.
If "Blair Witch" ended with cannibals, you'd essentially have this flick.

Sadly though, none of the violence takes place onscreen,
all you're ever witness to is the bloody aftermath,
(chick hung from a pole through her head, various organs and limbs scattered about, and a writhing, limbless wonder)

My one major gripe is that they don't even bother to show the cannibals eating people.
Which is insane, considering this is a cannibal movie!!
But like I said it does have it's few redeeming moments.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Easy Money comes with Hard Consequences

Mostly drunk twenty-something from Australia and the US hang around jungles of Papua-New Guinea and neighbouring Irian Jaya of Indonesia, known historically a Scull Hunter Land, with predictable results.

Two moments are the most to conclude: no way to be smart in the wilderness if even so nice as screened, and bit for in independence of this province from Jakarta is a laughing stock.

In comparison with "The Blair Witch Project" this mocumentary is lacking intrigue while quite boring "Cannibal Holocaust" is even more dynamic.

Welcome to the jungle is a 82 minute piece of pure garbage.
It is amnother blair witch, cloverfield type movie filmed by hand held cameras.
Most of the time all you see is the actors being really dumb. the two couples should never have been put together for any other reason then a battle to the death. Since they seemed to have hated each other. this movie will put you to sleep. You can fast forward to thew last 10 minutes of the movie and just watch that. YOU WILL SAVE TIME.

NEVER RENT, PURCHASED, OR BOTHER WATCHING THIS MOVIE.

THIS FILM IS NOT WORTH THE UNRATED TITLE GIVEN TO IT.

I'VE SEEN PG-13 MOVIES WITH MORE BLOOD/GORE AND VIOLENCE IN THEM.

TREMORS 2 AFTERSHOCKS FOR EX.

This film had potential to really be better than it was.It wasn't bad by any means though.The basic idea is 4 friends who set sail to a new guinea port to explore the new guinea jungle to try and find Michael Rockefeller,hier to the Rockefeller throne.He supposedly went missing 40 years ago and there supposedly have been sightings of a white man with the natives.Is is still alive?did natives who are known to be cannibals eat him?did he die some other way?The one friend knows a helicopter pilot who has flown over this area and supposedly seen a white man.They get the coordinates(also a van) and before long the 4 friends are out looking for him.They end up getting shot at at the one border.Before long the friends(2 couples) are arguing and split up.I say it had more potential because a couple times it seemed like something was happenning and it would just cut to the next day.It did that a couple times.Also this movie had possibly the most annoying character ever in a film.The one friend Mikey is so annoying,ignorant and stupid you almost want to kill him yourself.With all that being said the last 20 mins when these natives are seen isenjoyable and worth a watch.