Customer Reviews

The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(7)
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Overall, I would say this book does a good job of refuting, point-by-point, the most common misconceptions about the lack of socialization of homeschooled children. Although I had a few problems with it (quite a bit of repetition and somewhat outdated statistics), the book presented a fairly comprehensive argument that homeschooling does, in fact, provide children many benefits where socialization is concerned.

First of all, even die-hard supporters of public school education can't deny the negative socialization ever present in schools these days. As a Social Worker, I worked in elementary schools before I had kids. I decided to homeschool my future children at that point based on what I witnessed. I specifically recall listening to the conversation of 2nd graders in line for lunch, discussing what their favorite part of the movie Scream was. Um, no thanks for my 7 year old child feeling like the odd man out and like I'm somehow overprotective, mean, etc. for being one of the few parents who won't allow horror movies...you know, at SEVEN! Also, I witnessed children who were made to be silent as stones the whole way to, through, and from lunch. Not a word. When they were finished eating, they lay their heads on the table and if they were good little boys and girls, they were rewarded with a single M&M or Skittle. Of course, they could lose this reward for uttering even a word after it was granted. Shocking, I know, but I am not making this up. I witnessed it with my very own eyes--another experience I wouldn't describe as teaching proper socialization skills. These are just a couple of specific examples but there are many, many more. I could go on ad nauseum but you get the point and, if you've had kids in school, you've heard many more examples. I've met so many teachers who choose to teach their kids at home, or would if they thought they could afford the loss of income. That says so much to me. The point is that people who oppose homeschooling on the basis of socialization need to understand that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. It's just different grass altogether--the normal grass, if you will.

So, that's what it's all about. It's not about fears that kids won't be properly socialized. It's about them not being normally socialized. In this book, the author quotes many parents (one of my favorite aspects of the book) discussing the differences between the normal socialization of children and their adaptations in public schools versus the freedom of socialization in homeschooling. There is a lovely discussion about the different perceptions the two groups of children have of the term "cool." I think you can guess the gist of the difference just based on what you know of peer pressure in schools and freakishly expensive designer clothes and gadgets.

Whenever there is a discussion of socialization of homeschoolers, someone invariably points out the homeschooler they know who has zero social skills and seems completely dysfunctional when trying to interact in a social setting. Yep, that happens, but also in public school. The valedictorian of my class was a girl who said about 3 words her entire time in high school. She was ridiculed too. Perhaps she would have had some solace if she had been able to learn at home. The fact is that shy is shy wherever a child learns. She was socialized normally (public school K-12) and still came out practically completely socially dysfunctional. So, really, I'm not interested in hearing that as a criticism of homeschooling. Yes, there are homeschoolers who are not properly socialized. Just recently, someone posted on a homeschool board I read that her 11 year old daughter had never had a birthday party and did anyone have a child that age who might be able to attend. Frankly, that broke my heart. Furthermore, it is a fear of mine that I'm using to ensure that I'm proactive about pursuing opportunities (park days, library story time, homeschooling co-ops, etc.) for my kids to create and maintain friendships.

I am the mother of three young children. I have intended to homeschool since before their birth, as stated. Despite that fact, the one thing that has made me a bit queasy is to worry about where they will make friends. Whether in school or homeschooled, kids need friends. I'm grateful my kids will have each other as "classmates" and, to be sure, my kids are each others' best friends--and I strongly believe that homeschooling will help keep their sibling bond strong. Still, I think kids need friends.

Even as a prospective homeschooler, when you ask current homeschoolers about socialization you get one of two reactions, laughter or defensiveness. Then, with either, you end up getting an explanation of the many opportunities for socialization in the homeschooling community. The bottom line is that unless you have a neighborhood booming with kiddo friendships and activity, it's the parents' job to connect their kids to other kids. In the book, the author points out the many and varied ways this can happen. The most common are church and homeschool support groups, secular or religious.

I do think this is a great resource. Whether you're contemplating homeschooling but are holding back because of socialization or whether you are committed but have family and friends who are doubtful, this book can shed some light on the truths of the homeschooled child's social life.

Rachel Gathercole's book, "The Well Adjusted Child-The Social Benefits of Homeschooling" sorely needed to be written. As a long time homeschooler, I have talked to countless parents who say that they would like to homeschool their children, but don't due to fear of social isolation. My anecdotes and assurances sometimes tip the scale, but not always. If you or your spouse or extended family are on the fence about homeschooling, please do yourself a favor and buy this book. The author builds a brilliant case for the positive social aspects of homeschooling, in a clear and logical manner. I also appreciate the fact that she does not actively bash schools, and appears sensitive to the tough demands that today's institutional teachers face.

Home education is an incredible opportunity for children to learn at their own pace and in their own way. It is well known that homeschooled kids are often winners and finalists in national level competitions, such as the geo bee and spelling bee. Individualized education is quite simply a better fit for many children, and gifted children especially, who may be several different "sizes" at once. Would anyone care to argue that a tailor made suit would not fit better than one purchased off the rack? Sure, there are good schools out there, just as there are some people (both parents and children) who simply would not do well as homeschoolers. But for the great majority, homeschooling can be whatever it needs to be to fit the individual child. I believe that it is well documented that kids can benefit academically from homeschooling. The question then, is how do these home educated kids do with peers, and will they be able to interact well with people as adults?

Ms. Gathercole answers this and puts to rest the image of the awkward and isolated homeschooler. She explains in detail how homeschooling socialization is not merely an adequate replacement for the social lessons of institutional schooling. It may be surprising to many, but homeschooling is often a superior lifestyle for learning positive social interaction. Homeschooling actually allows kids to have more time with friends, less time with bullies and those who don't play nicely with others, and the chance to really get to know people of all ages and from all walks of life. Homeschooled kids are more apt to follow their own hearts and consciences, and less likely to be swayed by negative peer pressure.

Here's an excerpt from page 168, "A great deal of evidence supports the claim that homeschoolers end up very well prepared for the 'real world'. One study of adults who had been homeschooled as children found that none were unemployed, none were on welfare, and the vast majority believed homeschooling had helped them to become independent individuals and to interact with people from a variety of socio-economic backgrounds." Gathercole interviewed homeschooled kids and parents from all over the country and included many of their comments as well. One college student and former homeschooler shares her opinion on the "real world" question, " It was a really comfortable situation and that led to me being really comfortable with who I am and my choices. And I don't see that necessarily in most other people my age. I think that a lot of that has to do with how our public school system takes personal choice out of most of it. You do things because you have to do them..."

I can vouch for the positive aspects of homeschool socialization with two examples from my own family. One of my sons is an extreme introvert. He had few friends in his years of school attendance, despite all of the extracurricular activities he tried. He simply didn't find it easy to expend the energy to socialize, when it took so much from him just to sit hour after hour in a crowded classroom. When he came home to learn, he appeared to blossom. From a comfortable home base, he was able to venture forth and make social connections that ran deeper and lasted longer than any he'd made in school. My second son and social butterfly was a different kind of kid. My husband and I worried that we wouldn't be able to meet his high need for social contact. That fear was short lived though, as we soon found that he let us know when he needed a play date. Too much time away from others and he'd get cranky. He's eleven now, and gets more phone calls than any other family member.

This book is organized into chapters that each tackle a specific question or concern.

1.The Socialization Question
2.What Do Homeschoolers Do?
3.What Is Good Socialization, Anyway?
4.Friends and Peer Contact
5.Independence and Strong Family Relationships
6.Safety, Adversity, and Bullying
7.Freedom and Time to Be a Kid
8.Being Cool
9.Relationships with Other Adults
10.Diversity and Minority Socialization
11.Preparation for the "Real World"
12.Citizenship and Democracy
13.Teenagers, Identity, and Sense of Self
14.The Homeschooling Parent's Social Life
15.Socialization and Success


Appendix A covers practical matters such as recommended resources and tips. It also has a list of state homeschool organizations and other helpful web sites. Appendix B has an impressive list of famous homeschoolers, including such diverse talents as Frankie Muniz and Yehudi Menuhin, Fred Terman and Sandra Day O'Connor.

What more can I say about this book? If it doesn't ease your fears about the "s" word, I don't know what will. Rachel Gathercole has done an amazing job pulling together studies, real life stories, and heartfelt advice and inspiration that make a most convincing argument for homeschooling.

It seemed like you could find a book about every other topic related to homeschooling, except the dreaded socialization issue. Not any more! This book was so helpful to me in dealing with the one subject that I didn't have great answers for when all those well-meaning friends and relatives asked bunches of questions about homeschooling. Rachel Gathercole has helped me to dig deeply into the notion that public school is the ideal model of socialization for our children. She has also helped me to really see all of the positive socialization that my kids get every day because we homeschool. If you're concerned about homeschooling because of socialization or you need bigger ammunition to fend off those relatives, get this book!

This is a FANTASTIC book about squealching your fears of homeschooling. This book backs itself up with studies and statistics to make the public school crowd choke!

I was VERY excited about homeschooling our children after reading a few books. But this one put me WELL over the top!!! It just talks about homeschooling kids not only being well-adjusted and out-going, but being MORE so than their public school peers.

It breaks apart the myths and ill feelings about people who are thinking about home schooling. We're NOT freaks and we are doing it the way it's ALWAYS been done BEFORE the mega corporations needed cogs to fill holes with in order to get product out so that people can buy and consume and buy more and need to go to work to do their cog working in order to pay for consuming!

This is the kind of book that I wish there were more and more of so that I could finish this one and KNOW there is another one JUST as good waiting for me to read... and hey, who knows... maybe there is!!!!

The last chapter is GREAT! It sums the whole thing up and you can take it around and have people read it to calm them down when you tell them your "crazy" idea.

If you homeschool, this book is the perfect gift for relatives, neighbors and friends who are skeptical about homeschooling. It is very readable and is full of well-documented arguments why homeschooling's version of "socialization" is so much healthier for kids than traditional school. Amazingly, the author does this in a way that does not offend people who have made the choice to send their kids to school.

I think this book would be very helpful, as well, to people who are considering homeschooling or for those who have recently made the choice to homeschool. Fears are laid to rest and confidence is gained by reading this wonderful book.

This book made me not only think about socialization in the context of homeschooling but made me rethink what socialization is and what it really does mean to be "well adjusted".

For the potential homeschooler this is a book that should help put some fears and misconceptions to rest. For those that already homeschool its a welcomed chance to think more about what we want for our kids beyond academics.

I've been interested in homeschooling for awhile now, but this is the first book I read about it. Wow! It really was amazing - I filled it with highlights and stars and notes. The author covers all questions of socialization and turns the question on its head, "why is school-centered socialization superior!" the onus is on the proponents of school socialization. I read through it in just a few days - I could hardly put it down. I loved reading the quotes from the children, too.

It is also a great book for people new to the idea of homeschooling:
My husband doesn't know anything on the subject, nor does he read much. But the book is set up so beautifully that I would take a few minutes out and review the chapter I had read - outloud to him so he got a good broad understanding, too, and is also now excited about homeschooling, instead of aloof and unsure about it.

What I love about this book is that it gives you an excellent portrait of the culture of homeschooling - the creativity and freedom involved, the love and devotion for children and excitement for living life!

If you want a book about nitty gritties and a how-to, then this is not the book. But if you want a book about the souls of homeschoolers and those homeschooled, if you want questions answered, if you want to be prepared for others' questions, then this is an excellent book!!!!

What about socialization? That is the question asked of every homeschooler. It may even be the reason some would-be homeschoolers decide to send their children to school. How will your children learn to function in society if they don't go to school? Rachel Gathercole offers a definitive answer to that question in "The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling." The answer is that homeschooled children not only learn to function in society, but they may actually learn to do it better.

Gathercole delves into what it actually means to be "socialized" and offers a historical take on how society managed to function for thousands of years before the start of compulsory education. She counters the idea that homeschooled children are friendless loners, emphasizing that homeschooled children take part in many of the same extra-curricular activities that school children do, such as sports, dance classes, scouts, religious programs, etc, as well as homeschooling group activities. She uses the testimony of both homeschooled children and their parents to bolster her research.

While some may be willing to admit that it is possible, after all, for children to have friends outside of school, Gathercole pushes the argument one step farther. She maintains that homeschooling provides a better environment for children to grow up and learn how to be part of the adult world. Unlike children who spend the majority of their lives in a classroom with many other children the same age and one or two adult figures, homeschooled children live in the "real world." They interact with both children of different ages and adults on a daily basis. They are involved in the daily role of running a house and perhaps a family business. They have the opportunity to get real world work experience (whether paid or volunteer) at a younger age because they have more time. They also have more time to simply be a kid. They have the time to daydream and play and figure out what they are good at. Homeschooled children also tend to have stronger family relationships. With that secure footing, they are better able to spread their wings and step out into the world as adults.

"The Well-Adjusted Child" is a must-read for anyone considering homeschooling. It can help alleviate the fear that comes from stepping off the usual schooling path. It is also a great resource for those interested in education in general because it forces one to consider what the true goal of education is and what it really means to be a functioning and productive member of society.

This is my favorite book about homeschooling. It not only eases any fears about the dreaded "socialization" topic, it helps you to understand that homeschoolers are actually better off being socialized in the real world. It is fantastic, and I recommend it for anyone considering homeschooling, already homeschooling, and as a great gift to those skeptical friends and relatives. It's wonderful!

The other reviewers do a wonderful job of summerizing why this is such a amazing book. I've been reading homeschooling books for awhile now (homeschooling my 4yr old daughter) and this is by far my favorite. How much did I like it... well I bought a copy and had it sent to my mother in law (someone who would never dream of homeschooling and isn't quite sure why I think it's the best idea for her grandaughter).

Buy this book, get a few copies so you can share it with your friends and family!