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32 of 34 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Practical advice, funny stories, a little "over the top.", November 17, 2009
This review is from: The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works! (Hardcover)
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The Well-Behaved Child is an entertaining step into "old style" discipline. After discounting ADD, ADHD, and basically any other psychological behavioral disorder, the author reminds parents that they are in charge of their household; their kids are kids. The chapter on "Alpha" speech is phenomenal. I have two daughters, currently ages 9 and 4. They are generally well-behaved, polite, lovely kids, but the older has had trouble keeping her room uncluttered, and the younger has had a tendency to get frustrated easily and cry about things that are really not "cry-worthy" (gloves not fitting right, not getting to eat candy for breakfast, etc.) After reading the book, I let my older daughter know that she would be missing a friend's upcoming birthday party if her room was not adequate by the morning of the party, and she would be missing any other such party in the future if it didn't stay that way. That was 3 weeks ago, and her room has been amazingly much better...bed made, no toys on the floor, clothes in the hamper and not on the floor, etc. ever since. Her comment after I told her was "the worst part about that is I can tell you are serious." Go "Alpha speech"! The younger got 3 tickets, which are on papers with little angels, and told that if she screamed because she didn't like something 3 times in a day, she would lose her night-time story privilege. She must also sit in the "chair of wisdom" for 15 minutes after an offense to think about why she should use her words instead. I think she has lost 3 angels in 3 weeks. Not bad, considering we used to have several of these fits a day. So, at least read the chapter on how to convince your kids you mean what you say when you say it.
One of the main techniques for discipline is to put kids to bed early. For some kids, this may just improve their behavior because tired kids behave badly (tired adults too). So, not a bad technique, but it could definitely be overused. I think his primary goal of raising kids who are responsible for their own actions is highly worthwhile. He is right that kids are "bad" = selfish, inconsiderate, disorderly, etc. until they are trained not to be...ask any new mother. Most children will learn to be considerate early if people are considerate of them. My 4-year-old has learned to ask "can you do _____ when you finish ______", and you can fill in the blanks with whatever. The "because I said so" approach works fine occasionally, but if you want a thinking child, you must give explanations. Of course, you give them AFTER your child has already obediently done what you wanted him/her to do. The definition of obedience in Shepherding a Child's Heart is what you really want, and you want it because your child loves you.
The "doctor" technique mentioned is just bad...you are the parent, you can tell your kids that the reason you think they are having a problem is they need more sleep, less tv, or whatever. Inventing an imaginary authority undermines your own.
So, overall, some techniques in this book work well. Some of the language is unnecessarily nasty (name calling doesn't belong in a professional work). The "Alpha speech" and "you are in charge" chapters are worth reading if you are uncomfortable in the leadership role of parent. I do recommend this book, but use wisdom in applying what is said (as one usually must when dealing with children).
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
American Parents - Wake Up!, November 19, 2009
This review is from: The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works! (Hardcover)
John Rosemond's language is strong, and for good reason. After reading several reviews, it is quite apparent that people either love or hate John Rosemond and/or his books. For those that dislike him intensely, the running themes seem to be a problem with the phrase "because I said so," and punishment for misbehavior.
To clear things up, let's start with "because I said so." Rosemond makes it very clear that giving reasons to children is fine. In fact, he states that there are only about six reasons for why a parent ever denies a request. They're good reasons to US (and offer them if you want to), but the child won't like them anyway, so don't waste your breath. Ultimately, the reason a child needs to take "no" for an answer is because you said so. Anyone who denies this reality would much rather spend time and energy trying to get a little child to see things the way Mommy and Daddy do, so that he or she will be happier about hearing the word "no". Trying to convince the child that your reasons have MERIT (and therefore, should be appreciated by the child) is NOT FINE. This is called establishing a "power struggle" between parent and child. Not a formula for happiness or family harmony, but an excellent formula for creating rude, argumentative, and manipulative behavior... in children as young as three years old.
As for punishment, Rosemond also states that it is rarely needed --- IF you come across as someone who means and does what they say, is calm and confident about your position of authority, and you communicate with an expectation of obedience. If you haven't been that kind of a person as a parent or teacher, then you likely have an out-of-control situation --- or one that, at the very least, needs fixing. The punishments that he mentions are far more humane than the hideously discordant and disrespectful atmospheres that preceded the necessity for Rosemond's outrageous consequences. For those who are complaining about his farty, old-school methods, I have these two questions for you. Have you ever "lowered the boom" on an outrageous kid and held firm for months on end? Or "nipped it in the bud" with an outrageous consequence the FIRST time a reasonably well-behaved child did something totally ridiculous? Before you knock these techniques, why don't you TRY THEM some time? You won't be disappointed, but your kid sure will be. Stand firm, though. Later on, he'll thank you. Your kid deserves to know that he was bad and wrong from YOU FIRST, because YOU are the one who will love him anyway and see him through it. When he's an adult, the rest of the world will simply fire him, divorce him, break friendships with him, or lock him away.
Folks, this is an excellent book. I don't think Mr. Rosemond wants to be liked. Rather, I think he wants to help people steer the right course during this most important job. Thank you, Mr. Rosemond, for bringing common sense and an unsentimental viewpoint to the God-given responsibility of training, teaching, and loving children.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Old-Fashioned Child Raising, November 23, 2009
This review is from: The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works! (Hardcover)
The Well Behaved Child by John Rosemond is, as the title suggests, a parenting book. In it the author enthusiastically challenges parents to return to the philosophy of their parents and grandparents, before the "psychobabble" of the sixties took over the culture.
Rosemond starts with a shocking premise: Children are bad. Of course this will only be shocking to those who have never had a two-year-old, or, if they have, it was so long ago they have forgotten what it was like. With this premise firmly on place, he proceeds to offer seven "fundamentals of effective discipline". Highlighted among these are the "agony principle" and the "godfather principle".
The Agony Principle
Parents should not agonize over anything a child does or fails to do if the child is perfectly capable of agonizing over it himself.
The Godfather Principle
To activate the Agony Principle, you simply make the misbehaving, irresponsible child an offer he can't refuse.
After laying down the basic principles the author provides specific tools and methods (charts, tickets, etc) to help implement the principles. The book is chock full of anecdotal accounts, mostly of parents who implemented the principles with impressive results. Rosemond's style is witty, conversational, and especially biting--especially when he touches on the prevailing "psychobabble".
Before receiving this book via the Thomas Nelson Book Review Bloggers program I had never heard of John Rosemond. Before I was halfway through the book I had decided to add every book he had written to my wishlist. As the father of an eight-year-old and a three-year-old, I began to see areas where my parenting skills needed honing. Of special interest to me was the section where he describes how to get your child to do his homework without a parent at his side. Others may find interesting the sections about potty training, tantrums and other, more bizarre behavior.
It was refreshing to read Rosemond's rejection of medicated treatments for behavioral problems. He is merciless in his criticisms of those who perpetrate this travesty on American families.
There are times when Rosemond seems to exaggerate in order to make his point. But his point--that American families need desperately to return to common-sense, biblical parenting methods--is well worth making.
If you have kids, or know someone who does, you owe it to yourself to read The Well-Behaved Child.
This review was written in participation with the Thomas Nelson Book Review Bloggers program. Though I do receive a free book for my participation, I am under absolutely no pressure to write a positive review.
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