If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion [Hardcover]

Susan Page (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 19, 2002

Susan Page, a Protestant minister, popular teacher, and bestselling writer on relationships, now turns her hand to a crucial question so many couples face: If we know we love each other, why do we spend so much of our time together arguing, negotiating, or making up? Why, quite simply, aren’t we happy?

Susan has explored this question while working with and observing countless couples struggling in their relationships. She discovered something revolutionary: even the most troubled couples could be enjoying each other if only they would adopt a few simple yet powerful and deeply spiritual principles. Another revelation: it only takes one member of the couple to make this work. Yet another: by adopting these principles and letting go of the popular myths and assumptions about relationships so many of us have been taught, you can not only vastly improve your relationship but develop your own inner sense of self. Your relationship can become your spiritual path.

Those who have followed Susan’s program report that their relationships have become loving again, and that their sense of self-esteem and spiritual development has been deepened. They no longer call what they have with their mate a marriage or relationship but rather a true spiritual partnership. The process outlined here is simple yet profound and is based on what Susan calls five sacred principles or acts that one member or both members of the couple follow, principles that emerge naturally out of the spiritual traditions of Christianity and Buddhism.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Instead of working on solving problems in your relationship, minister/relationship coach Susan Page teaches “Spiritual Partnership,” allowing you to outgrow these problems. Focus on behaving in a spiritual way yourself, rather than fixing your relationship or your partner, and you and your partner will be happier and your relationship will be stronger.

Communication and negotiation don't solve conflicts in love relationships, Page asserts. Rather, make an inner shift yourself--independent of your partner--and learn to "love openly and freely." Her process involves "the Five Sacred Acts of Love":

1. Practice Restraint: refrain from negative, critical, and demanding comments.

2. Act As If: act loving, even if you don't feel like it.

3. Act on Your Own: take care of your own needs.

4. Practice Acceptance: stop trying to change your partner.

5. Cultivate Compassion: understand that your partner's attitudes and behavior are the way they are for good reasons.

The book offers compelling arguments for abandoning the "marketplace" communication style in favor of goodwill, self-care, and a spiritual, harmonious, loving response to your partner. Page takes you step by step through the Spiritual Partnership process, interspersing it with anecdotes and exercises.

"Marriage and loving partnerships are ... for learning how to give and receive love. That's all," writes Page. If We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve a love relationship--from the inside out. --Joan Price

From Library Journal

Page, a Protestant minister and popular teacher who is also the best-selling author of such books as If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?, here takes a spiritual approach to relationship problems. Page explains that through five sacred actions, couples may work on their relationship singly or together and come to a more accepting place. These actions include practicing restraint, acting as if, acting on your own, practicing acceptance, and cultivating compassion. While traditional marriage therapy focuses on negotiation, communication, and finding the "right" answer, Page focuses on compassion, surrender, and lots of goodwill (which is better than being right). Each chapter contains personal case studies and ends with a set of exercises that Page calls experiments. This easy-to-read title compares favorably with other relationship books offering a spiritual slant, e.g., Michele Weiner-Davis's Divorce Remedy (S. & S., 2001) and Gary Smalley's The Language of Love (Pocket, 1995. rev. ed.). Purchase where necessary. Lisa Wise, Broome Cty. P.L., Binghamton, NY
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Harmony; 1st edition (February 19, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609606964
• ISBN-13: 978-0609606964
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #905,979 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Repeat Oprah guest Susan Page has been conducting workshops for both singles and couples, nationally and internationally since 1980. She has keynoted dozens of relationship conventions and was invited to share the platform with John Gray at his recent Masonic Auditorium event in San Francisco. Her international speaking and media career has taken her to twenty-six states, Canada, Korea, Australia, and Mexico. She is a past chapter president of the National Speakers Association.
Page was a consultant to writer/director Gary Goldberg on the movie Must Love Dogs, released by Warner Pictures in August of 2005.

A veteran of national television and radio, Susan Page has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, CNN, NPR, Donahue, Geraldo, Leeza, Montel Williams, Sonya Live, The Diane Rehm Show plus dozens of other radio and TV shows across the country.
Excerpts of Susan's works have appeared or been reviewed in People Magazine, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Glamour, Self, New Woman, McCall's, Woman, Marriage and scores of other publications.
Susan Page is the author of four books about relationships plus a publishing guide for writers.

Her first book, If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? has been translated into twenty foreign languages. It was the number one bestseller in Russia in 1994. Page's books have sold more than a million copies in the U.S. and worldwide.

Susan Page is a graduate of Oberlin College and holds a Master of Divinity degree from San Francisco Theological Seminary. She began her career as campus minister at Washington University in St. Louis and at Columbia University in New York. Later, she served as Director of Women's Programs at the University of California, Berkeley, where she helped found the nation's first university-based human sexuality program.
When she is not conducting workshops in the United States, Susan Page lives in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico with her husband of twenty-five years.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Why isn't it more known?, June 27, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion (Hardcover)

Excellent, excellent book. I have read many books on relationships, and most stress the importance of communication, but in my experience there is such a thing as communicating too much. Sometimes the mind itself creates problems, and talking about those problems only strengthen them and make them more real when often times the "problem" is based on a faulty way of perceiving situations. This book approaches relationships in a way that is unlike that of most therapists, counselors and authors, but I feel it is the most spiritual approach. The author does not at all devalue communicating and talking, but rather than focusing exclusively on what you should say to your partner and how, she urges you to focus on YOURSELF and suggests non-mainstream ways of handling situations that have everything to do with you and not so much to do with your partner. She stresses actions over words, and points out that if just you and you alone change your actions, reactions, behavior and thougths about your relationship, your partner will respond even if they aren't aware that they are responding-it's the nature of energy, of relationships. In other words you can create very positive change even if you're partner doesn't agree to change beforehand. She also doesn't deny that sometimes it is best to move on, yet points out that often we want to leave a relationship because we don't want to face ourselves. Furthermore, you can use her ideas and suggestions and apply them not only to your love relationship but to all aspects of your life: your relationship with work, money, etc. I would like to think that soon her philosophy will catch on and become mainstream, but I wonder if too many people aren't ready for it yet, as it goes against the grain of much of traditional counseling. I really think she's onto something, as when I was reading the book, what she said felt right in a deep place-a place I can't always access, but a place that is what I strive for, that is already there. At the beginning I was so anxious to skip ahead, since she kept talking about the principles of spiritual partnership without explaining them in depth first, but for anyone who does skip ahead, I would suggest going back to the beginning and not missing any of the book, as every part of it will help you on your way if you decide to follow her advice.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a precious gift disguised as a book, February 27, 2003

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion (Hardcover)

If you are seeking to feel love in your heart but feel blocked because your partner is clueless, uncooperative, self-centered and blames you -- or for any reason "because of him/her" and you suffer because it feels like no matter how hard you try, the patch doesn't hold -- this is the book that teaches, guides and encourages you how to get back to the love, how to create powerful and healing changes, how to feel safe and connected with yourself, how to look at your partner again with loving and how to work with yourself in your own healing and strengthening. And, your partner is not required to read the book, work the suggestions or be molded by you. You reclaim your power and your energy investing in what can truly make a deeply valuable, loving, rich and life-changing difference--you work with you. I've been working these techniques for over 20 years, in marriage, and have been learning about and thriving far beyond I ever thought possible. It didn't take long for small miracles to begin AND they continue to unfold and to grow for both of us. Susan Page has offered a truly generous gift with this book for all people--currently coupled or not.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Spiritual Lifesaver, June 4, 2002

By 

Monica Maass (Richmond, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion (Hardcover)

This book has saved me thousands of dollars in therapy. Every time my life and emotions feel out of control, I pick up this book and the answer to my seemingly intractable dilemma is there.

One day I read part of this book to my husband and he was more or less nonchalant, I mean he thought it was good and all, but hearing the words out loud through my ears as well as his, made a huge difference to me. I hesitate to use the word magic but it is the only word I can find that fits the way my thinking has changed. My husband doesn't understand why all the tension left - but that's ok.

About twenty years ago, I read "Be Here Now" by Ram Das. From that time on, I have read many spiritual books, have tried to apply my spiritual insights to my relationships, and have been somewhat successful. But this book really works, this book has a spiritual approach that is practical and I cannot tell you what a difference this has made for me.