Customer Reviews

What About the Big Stuff?: Finding Strength and Moving Forward When the Stakes Are High

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If Richard Carlson writes something, I'm going to make it a
point to read it . . . I loved DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
and his many books that followed (DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL
STUFF AT WORK, DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF FOR
MEN, etc.) . . . his words are simple, yet they make sense . . . and they seem to be written directly to you, as if he were speaking to you on a one-on-one basis.

His latest, WHAT ABOUT THE BIG STUFF? does just what it promises in the subtitle; i.e., helps you find strength and move forward when the stakes are high . . . the book tackles a range of difficult issues--from illness, death, injury, and
aging to alcoholism, divorce and financial pressures--but
does so in a manner that is not preachy . . . I actually felt
better after reading Carlson's suggestions on handling
these various situations in a proactive fashion.

In addition, I liked he got me thinking about how I
would handle things that might come my way . . . or
that might be encountered by friends and/or relatives . . . while he doesn't propose glib comebacks, he does give you
many useful ideas as to responses that might lend comfort
to those in need of it.

In reviewing my notes, I'm finding it difficult to choose
just a few parts to share, which is always a good
sign . . . but here goes anyway:

I was sitting with a friend at lunch about ten days after the
terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. With
tears in her eyes, she said, "Did you notice that not a single person on any of the hijacked planes who had the opportunity to make a phone call called their stockbroker?" Far from being facetious, she was making an obvious but very important point. When the stakes are high, only one thing matters: love. No one is concerned about their weight or the way they look. They aren't upset that life isn't perfect. they aren't fretting about high taxes, the liberals or conservatives, previous conflicts, disputes with neighbors, or a lack of parking. They don't care about the rates of return on their investment portfolio. They aren't focused on any of their grievances.
Indeed, the only thing that matters, when it really matters, is love. The question is, "Why do we treat life as if it doesn't really matter right now?"

On the flip side, we're more careful to evaluate each situation before saying yes. When asked if you can do something, you should ask yourself two questions. First, "Is this something I have to do?" And second, "Is this something I want to do?" I you don't answer yes to at least one of these questions, you'll probably learn to say no more often. In the process, you'll begin to create more time for those things that really matter. After all, what's "bigger" than time itself?

One of my favorite descriptions of life is that it's just "one mistake after another with a little time in between." Despite its humor, this is a pretty accurate way of seeing things. If you think about it, its true. We make mistakes, we (hopefully) learn from them; we make adjustments and move on. At some point, there will be another mistake, and so forth. In the meantime, everyone else is going through the same process. Your parents are making mistakes, as are your friends, neighbors, children, coworkers, and everyone else.

I am only part way through this book but I was compelled to write a review. I had been in a "funk" the last couple of weeks -- which is very unusual for me. On a scale of 0-10 on the happiness scale I'm usually around an 8 or a 9.

I had some "big stuff" happen in my life and I felt so down that I really didn't feel like getting out of bed in the morning. Richard Carlson's gentle - but powerful - ideas have already helped me shift my perspective and see a new light where before I was only seeing gray clouds.

When I've completed this book I'll be back with a more complete review. For now, let me just say this is Richard Carlson's best work to date. He obviously put his heart and his soul into every chapter and every sentence of this book. Thank you Dr. Carlson. You have made a positive difference in my life and I'm sure this book will do the same for many others.

I must admit I'm somewhat biased against "big" self-help authors. However, Richard Carlson knows his (pardon the expression) stuff.
His recommendations, couched in the language of self-help, derive from solid psychological research.

Small stuff is defined as whatever won't be important in six months or a year. However, to his credit, and unlike many cheery self-help authors and coaches, Carlson admits that sometimes you can't go home again.

Some of the chapters offer straightforward, not especially original self-help, but the book is worth the read. The most helpful chapters focus on the need to "beware" a "busy mind." Solutions come from staying calm.

I concur! Often I find myself telling clients, "Take a break from thinking about this decision," and now I can refer them to Carlson's Big Stuff book.

You won't find "be happy" platitudes here, and that's a plus.
Carlson writes well and he's convincing. Even if you've seen some of this before ("shift perspective" "take time to heal"), Carlson gathers these ideas together in a new way. I would recommend this book to anyone who's going through some "big stuff."

Thank you Richard for courageously updating your "Small Stuff" book with this book. After reading it I gave it to a friend going through Chemo Therapy.

There is big stuff in our lives and this book helps us see a light at the end of a seemingly endless tunnel.

The book is not complex analysing too many theories, but extremely accurate to some fundamental common core cause of mental dys functionality and emotional pain in the truly important aspects of living. Richard throughout the 40 individual chapters deals with different subjects in each chapter, giving effective advice on commonly fell problems we all experience in our every day life. Often we are in automatic mental mode, which produces problems in our life without our realising consciously. But with a shift in mentality and wisdom we can change our habitual mental actions and experiences to seriously improve our life.
One subject Richard points out is your thoughts are not an actual reality which simplistically put is obvious, but with an overcrowded mentality of problems which are often over exaggerated to its worst scenario, we hinder our actual mental and personal health, reducing our IQ and ability to help ourselves. I personally felt the benefits of producing a less stressful and crowded mentality immediately, and managed to sustain this through effort, and rereading the book to reaffirm information and changing my habitual mental actions. With a quieter healthier mentality, your true wisdom is able to function, but you have to have confidence in your ability to know the answers without striving too much.
If you like myself have read many books on the subjects that you are interested in whether this be educational or entertaining, but even though many may be of a high quality, you usually only narrow this down to a few favourites. I personally have read many psychology books over the last 10 years with this being my favourite subject material, and would place this book in my top ten, because it actually expanded my mentality and true improvement to the quality of my life on completion of reading it.
We are emotional mental creatures, and we often loose our mental health but with the help of books like this, we can broaden your mentality and actions to improve our lifestyle. Simply put, the book does deal with the big important aspects and values of living and helped you stay healthy and clear, trying to help obtain core fulfilment in your life.
Alan Davidson

Richard Carlson was a very special author (he died at a relatively early age, a couple of years ago). He combined a beautiful style of writing with simple wisdom that nourishes the soul.

Best known for his "small stuff" books, this book recognizes that some things in our life are much more than small stuff. Recently, this book jumped off one of my bookshelves and I re-read it. And, I probably read it more carefully because of my recognition that we will have no more books from Richard. I decided that I needed to review this gem.

Those who have enjoyed any of Carlson's "small stuff" books will undoubtedly enjoy this shift into focus. Everything in life is not small stuff, although as Carlson has taught us over the years much of what we see as a big deal is, in the big picture, not really a big deal.

Newcomers to Carlson's writing will hopefully enjoy his ability to take an issue and so gracefully and so effectively share with us a perspective on how to better deal with the issue. He never preaches at us...he just shares his exceptional wisdom in an easy to read conversational style.

I highly recommend this book as a starting point for all those dealing with a truly life changing event, whether divorce, illness, loss of a loved one or whatever. Because he covers the waterfront of big issues, other authors may provide important additional information. But, this is a compassionate starting point.

PS The author is an inspiration, for me, of a person who used his talents to make the world a better place.

Richard Carlson, Ph.D., lecturer and best selling author of the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series shares in his latest book "What about the Big Stuff?" a range of big stuff scenarios followed up by a bunch of simple solutions. From emotional, financial, relationship and family struggles, he weaves a web of possible support from the relationships we have built with family, friends and faith in a higher power.
His findings are great reminders that can never be outworn.
Help yourself and your family by reading it today.

I began reading this book looking for an easy, feel-good read, and found that, although the author touches on an important point (that it's not all small stuff) it seems as though he's more interested in cashing in on his name and series of already successful books.

His examples tend to be weak such as when he talks about how he was sad that his daughter was becoming a young woman and then compares his minor plight with the massive one of friends who'd lost their child. Rather than discuss how his pain was small stuff he goes on to not gain any perspective on the matter (that it's better to have a living child who may break your heart versus a dead one who will not have the chance). His comparison on this pain is that there are lots of people who are "better looking, more talented, and more wealthy than you," but that shouldn't stop you from grieving just because someone else has more legitimate sorrow.

I would rec'd this book to someone who is emotionally immature and has not read other books like this one. In my opinion, Carlson didn't sweat the small stuff of a bad economy; he went out and wrote another book to re-coup his losses.

This is another very good book by Richard Carlson, who recently passed away in 2006. Carlson builds on his earlier works, particularly Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's all small stuff (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series), and expands his teachings there to the Big Stuff that he concedes also occurs in people's lifes. As in his other works, the lessons he shares are anchored by his teaching that "thoughts are just thoughts", and do not necessarily reflect reality, and that the sooner you understand your role as the thinker of these thoughts, the quicker you will find relief from whatever is causing you mental anguish.

In the arena of the "Big Stuff" - serious illness, death, financial disaster, etc. - it seems at times disingenuous to suggest that these mental techniques will help someone get through the tought times, but I believe there is truth to it. Part of what Carlson teaches is that implementing these techniques for the small stuff - traffic jams, etc. - you will be better prepared to adapt them to bigger issues. Again, at times it seems like a stretch but it seems more than plausible that if you are generally calm in problematic situations, you may better able to weather the more difficult storms.

Carlson also provides other suggestions than just his "thoughts are just thoughts" techniques. He also suggests meditation and religion, for example, as ways to build bulwarks and safe havens against future difficulties.

I was both surprised and dismayed to read the review stating that Dr. Carlson writes ( sadly, WROTE ) for fame and fortune. Has that reviewer even READ Dr. Carlson's beautifully inspirational books? Each of his books that I've read has been enlightening and spiritually beneficial ~ hardly the caliber of writing that a shallow, materialistic author would write. I suggest the ' negative reviewer ' re-read Dr. Carlson's books with a receptive less skeptical mind set.