56 of 68 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wish I had this book before I got married, September 25, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works (Hardcover)
I bought this book when my husband and I started having marital problems. He kept accusing me of not listening to him and I knew that wasn't true. I was listening to him I just wasn't getting it. As I read each chapter, I kept getting these enlightened moments. Ahhh....that is why he is like this. To know that some of it is biological helped me considerably in dealing with the communication issues. I now know that my needs conflict with his on a biological level and this makes him exceedingly uncomfortable. This has helped me improve my life and our marriage 100%. It may have actually saved my marriage. I have many friends who are dealing with the same issues with their husbands and I am going to buy them all this book for Christmas. If women who are planning to get married would read this book, they would have a better chance of marrying a secure, mature male and their prospect of having a long lasting marriage would improve. This book would also be good for any couple if they want to improve their marriage.
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22 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
doctors criticizing doctors..., November 25, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works (Hardcover)
I am not a doctor, but I did stay in a holiday inn express last night, so I guess that qualifies me to be an expert on EVERYTHING - just like all doctors are...right. But seriously, here is the two cents of a major league skeptic who thinks this book has a lot of value.
I think it is fine to be skeptical about some of this science, as the doctor from San Jose points out, but it doesn't logically follow that just because the science isn't perfect that the ideas in this book are wrong (which seems to be the implication). In fact, I would say that empirical evidence tends to support the author's ideas, and that the idea that men and women think totally differently is not a particularly wild one. Focusing only on the science misses the point, and I couldn't disagree more with the statement, "If you want a healthy relationship you don't need to read a book to learn how." EVERYONE struggles with relationships, and if reading books or talking to friends or, god forbid, even talking to a shrink doctor, helps you, then that is great and you should go for it. Books can provide perspective, advice and understanding, and, in this particular case they can shed light on behaviours, and it is easier to tolerate a behavior if you understand why.
Now I agree with the good doctor's opinion that it is easy to use "that's just the way I am" as an excuse for bad behavior, but the differences in memory, emotional tendencies and other things discussed in this book are not all behaviors, but in many cases really are "just the way we are." I would go further to argue that communication styles are also "just the way we are," because even if they are learned behaviors, they are totally ingrained by adulthood, so you have to learn to translate what people say from their way of thinking to yours in order to respond properly and have a meaningful dialog.
And this does filter into such everyday things as channel flipping and a host of other things that women don't understand about men. I think it filters into everything. My wife is finally understanding that when it takes me 10 or 20 seconds to process what she says when I am watching something interesting on TV, it is not because I am purposely ignoring her or am not interested in what she has to say. It's just that I can only concentrate on one thing at a time, and it takes a bit to change gears.
On a final note, the doctor closes by saying nobody changes and that you need to find someone rational, good and loving. OK, I believe that to be true, but in my limited experience, on the rationality front, women have the same capacity for rationality as men, but they are 100 times more likely to throw it by the wayside if it conflicts with their emotions. Most women I know don't make personal decisions after a rational thought process weighing all the factors. But because I know and accept that, it doesn't bother me that my wife is so irrational sometimes, and I don't try to solve all her problems with reason, like I try to do for myself. I do try to separate out the emotional issues from the logical ones sometimes, but most of the time she just needs someone to stand by her, listen, care and suppport her. My best advice to men is that to learn how to do that, and to women, is to learn how to forgive and understand us when we don't, because this isn't our natural tendency.
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135 of 172 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Pop science, October 2, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works (Hardcover)
I have been a practicing neurologist for 17 years, and relating behavioral disorders to neurological conditions is my field of expertise. I know enough about the topics addressed by the author to recognize that he is a quack.
While there are grains of truth in this book, most of the supposed 'science' is either badly misinterpreted or intentionally twisted to fit the author's social outlook. Most of the claimed `biological' reasons for male behavior have no basis in reality.
We have only begun really exploring the relationship between cerebral structures and male/female behavior differences. Though that is not my particular field of study, I do know enough to say a book like this won't be based on science for many years to come.
Now to venture out of my field as a scientist - allow me to speak as a man to women thinking of buying this book: If a guy acts like a pig, it's because he is a pig. Dump him. You should hold men to high standards and they should hold you to high standards. "How we were raised" is not an excuse. There are millions of Germans alive to today brought up to be Nazi's, but they've managed to get over it. Men brought up to be idiots can get over it too.
If you want a healthy relationship you don't need to read a book to learn how. You need to behave in a rational manner and be a good and loving person. You need to find a partner who is rational, good and loving. That person should be someone you can both love and live with for life (there are many people we will meet in life that fall into one of the above categories but so very few who fall into both).
And one last thing: nobody changes; so don't expect him or her to. If you don't like the way they are, you need to look elsewhere.
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