What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage [Hardcover]

Paul David Tripp (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 6, 2010

Marriage, according to Scripture, will always involve two flawed people living with each other in a fallen world. Yet, in pastor Paul Tripp's professional experience, the majority of couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, leaving them unprepared for the day-to-day realities of married life.

This unique book introduces a biblical and practical approach to those realities that is rooted in God's faithfulness and Scripture's teaching on sin and grace. "Spouses need to be reconciled to each other and to God on a daily basis," Tripp declares. "Since we're always sinners married to sinners, reconciliation isn't just the right response in moments of failure. It must be the lifestyle of any healthy marriage."

What Did You Expect? presents six practical commitments that give shape and momentum to such a lifestyle. These commitments, which include honestly facing sin, weakness, and failure; willingness to change; and embodying Christ's love, will equip couples to develop a thriving, grace-based marriage in all circumstances and seasons of their relationship.

Editorial Reviews

Review

<P>-At once deeply theological and practically relevant, this is one of the top books on marriage I have ever read. Paul Tripp allows readers to examine marriage through a biblical lens so that we understand how God can graciously heal our hurting homes. As a pastor, I will implore our people to read this book as soon as it is available.-<BR>-<STRONG>Chris Brauns</STRONG>, author,-<EM>Unpacking Forgiveness;</EM>-Pastor, The Red Brick Church, Stillman Valley, Iliinois</P> <P>-What I-ve come to expect from Paul Tripp is consistently deep, transparent, biblical, wise, practical, gospel-driven counsel. Rather than muddying the water with self-focused strategies designed to meet our ever-multiplying needs, Paul, as the seasoned soul-physician he is, correctly diagnoses our problems and provides the cure-humble faith in Jesus Christ. I wasn-t disappointed. You won-t be either.- <BR>-<STRONG>Elyse M. Fitzpatrick</STRONG>, author, <EM>Because He Loves Me</EM> and <EM>Comforts from the Cross</EM></P> --Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, author, Because He Loves Me and Comforts from the Cross

“At once deeply theological and practically relevant, this is one of the top books on marriage I have ever read. Paul Tripp allows readers to examine marriage through a biblical lens so that we understand how God can graciously heal our hurting homes. As a pastor, I will implore our people to read this book as soon as it is available.”
—Chris Brauns, author, Unpacking Forgiveness; Pastor, The Red Brick Church, Stillman Valley, Iliinois

“What I’ve come to expect from Paul Tripp is consistently deep, transparent, biblical, wise, practical, gospel-driven counsel. Rather than muddying the water with self-focused strategies designed to meet our ever-multiplying needs, Paul, as the seasoned soul-physician he is, correctly diagnoses our problems and provides the cure—humble faith in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t disappointed. You won’t be either.”
—Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, author, Because He Loves Me and Comforts from the Cross

“Paul Tripp brings many years of counseling, growth as a husband, and deepening discovery of the liberating power of grace to this realistic and challenging guide to God’s engagement in redeeming marriages that are threatened by complacency, misunderstanding, and selfishness. The Bible’s message of the humbling and healing power of Christ’s mercy and the powerful presence of his Spirit in our homes comes through loud and clear. The daily practicality of gospel doctrine is made crystal clear by Tripp’s transparency about his personal missteps in becoming a Christ-reflecting husband and the many examples of couples who have discovered that they are sinners married to sinners. But that the third, divine Party in marriage gives hope and change when unrealistic expectations are shattered and when we confront our sin. But be warned: Tripp’s diagnostic questions are downright uncomfortable. Even those with strong marriages by God’s grace will find their deep tendencies toward self-coronation challenged!”
—Dennis E. Johnson, Professor of Practical Theology, Westminster Seminary California

“Paul Tripp issues a challenge for couples to roll up their sleeves, get to work, and do what it takes to build a God-honoring relationship. He presents six commitments for couples to make, and contained within each is insightful, practical, and effective advice on how to construct a loving, growing, grace-soaked marriage.”
—Mary A. Kassian, Professor of Women's Studies, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

--Mary A. Kassian, Professor of Women's Studies, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

Review

“At once deeply theological and practically relevant, this is one of the top books on marriage I have ever read. Paul Tripp allows readers to examine marriage through a biblical lens so that we understand how God can graciously heal our hurting homes. As a pastor, I will implore our people to read this book as soon as it is available.”
—Chris Brauns, author, Unpacking Forgiveness; Pastor, The Red Brick Church, Stillman Valley, Illinois

“What I’ve come to expect from Paul Tripp is consistently deep, transparent, biblical, wise, practical, gospel-driven counsel. Rather than muddying the water with self-focused strategies designed to meet our ever-multiplying needs, Paul, as the seasoned soul-physician he is, correctly diagnoses our problems and provides the cure—humble faith in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t disappointed. You won’t be either.”
—Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, counselor; speaker; author, Give Them Grace and Comforts from the Cross

“Paul Tripp brings many years of counseling, growth as a husband, and deepening discovery of the liberating power of grace to this realistic and challenging guide to God’s engagement in redeeming marriages that are threatened by complacency, misunderstanding, and selfishness. The Bible’s message of the humbling and healing power of Christ’s mercy and the powerful presence of his Spirit in our homes comes through loud and clear. The daily practicality of gospel doctrine is made crystal clear by Tripp’s transparency about his personal missteps in becoming a Christ-reflecting husband and the many examples of couples who have discovered that they are sinners married to sinners. But that the third, divine Party in marriage gives hope and change when unrealistic expectations are shattered and when we confront our sin. But be warned: Tripp’s diagnostic questions are downright uncomfortable. Even those with strong marriages by God’s grace will find their deep tendencies toward self-coronation challenged!”
—Dennis E. Johnson, Professor of Practical Theology, Westminster Seminary, California

“Paul Tripp issues a challenge for couples to roll up their sleeves, get to work, and do what it takes to build a God-honoring relationship. He presents six commitments for couples to make, and contained within each is insightful, practical, and effective advice on how to construct a loving, growing, grace-soaked marriage.”
—Mary A. Kassian, Professor of Women's Studies, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Crossway (April 6, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1433511762
• ISBN-13: 978-1433511769
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (73 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #91,157 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Paul Tripp is the president of Paul Tripp Ministries (www.paultrippministries.org), a nonprofit organization, whose mission statement is "Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life." This mission leads Paul to weekly speaking engagements around the world. In addition to being a gifted communicator and sought after conference speaker with Paul Tripp Ministries, Paul is the Executive Director of the Center for Pastoral Life and Care in Fort Worth, Texas, and has taught at respected institutions worldwide. As an author, Paul has written many books on Christian Living that are read and distributed internationally. He has been married for many years to Luella and they have four grown children.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

50 of 50 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Developing a Realistic Expectation of Marriage May 11, 2010

By James

Format:Hardcover

My wife and I were able to sit through a recent marriage conference by Paul Tripp on Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. If you can go to one of his conferences, it is a great opportunity to enjoy a weekend together and talk through some of the areas that present growth opportunities in marriage.

Attending the live event is beneficial, but Tripp's book What Did You Expect: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage is based on the material from the conference. Tripp begins by examining the "essential wisdom perspectives that Scripture gives us for a realistic expectation of marriage": 1) you are conducting your marriage in a fallen world; 2) you are a sinner married to a sinner; 3) God is faithful, powerful, and willing. Tripp then examines the centrality of worship in all of life and the importance of it in a proper understanding of marriage. We should especially view our marriage in light of the Kingdom of God because we are tempted to be about the process of building our own kingdoms in our life and our marriage. Our marriages will find healing as we align our lives with God's Kingdom.

After explaining the importance of seeing your marriage in light of the Kingdom of God, Tripp structures the book by explaining six commitments that will encourage a lifestyle for a healthy and strong marriage:

1. We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.
2. We will make growth and change our daily agenda.
3. We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
4. We will commit to building a relationship of love.
5. We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.
6. We will work to protect our marriage.

Each commitment has 2-3 chapters that explains the particular commitment and places it in light of the big picture of the book.

If you have read some of Tripp's other books (such as Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer or War of Words), you will recognize some of the material. Tripp is applying the aspect of heart change and the gospel of grace to the area of marriage, but even if you have read the other works, this particular study on marriage is important. It would be wise to use this material not only for current marital growth, but also pre-marital counseling as we attempt to prepare couples for the realities of marriage.

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Good, Biblical Advice May 14, 2010

By John A. Bird

Format:Hardcover

Marriage is hard. To be a good husband or wife is even harder. The more we try, the more conscious we are of our failure. I guess that's why there are so many marriage books. And why, after 1537 other Christian marriage books, the new ones continue to sell. And why, after reading several of the older ones, I continue to read new ones.

We hope to discover The Secret, whatever that is. But we don't, because there's not one. Having a strong marriage is just plain, hard work. But if we can be reminded that we aren't perfect, that we haven't arrived, that we, in fact, are far from "arriving," then something is gained. And if we glean a few tidbits that help us to become a better husband or wife, much is gained. So I'm grateful for Paul David Tripp's new book on the old but important subject of marriage.

Tripp's first line is my favorite: "For some reason I seem to be drawn to write about things I'm not very good at." This humility sets the tone, and the theme, for the whole book. Tripp doesn't present himself as husband of the year, sitting on a lofty perch and tossing scraps of wisdom to the dogs. Instead, he passes on what he has learned through real experience, and what he is still learning, because he (like the rest of us) hasn't arrived.

Tripp's book is based upon six commitments, which are the major divisions of the book:

1. We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.
2. We will make growth and change our daily agenda.
3. We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
4. We will commit to building a relationship of love.
5. We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.
6. We will work to protect our marriage.

If all of Tripp's advice was summarized in a word, it would be unselfishness. Selfishness, Tripp warns, is the greatest danger to marriage. True love is always "other-centered and other-motivated."

"Love is willingness to have less free time, less sleep, and a busier schedule in order to be faithful to what God has called you to be and to do as a husband or a wife."

Something that sets Tripp's book apart from others that I have read is that it presents husbands and wives as equal partners. It doesn't paint the picture of the sanctified husband patiently enduring the foolishness of his wife, like some Christian books. (These books, by the way, don't fit the situation in my house.) Nor does he portray marriage like it is portrayed in TV commercials: the balding, overweight, lazy husband (think Homer Simpson) married to the witty, attractive, successful wife. (This might actually come closer to our situation.) As I said, Tripp presents husbands and wives as equals, which I find refreshing.

The one difficulty I have is Tripp's writing style. It is sometimes awkward ("powerfully insightful and practically transformational origin to destiny perspective"), and often repetitive. There were a few times when what I was reading sounded so much like what I had already read that I thought my little boy had moved my book marker again. But we do learn through repetition, after all.

Over all, What Did You Expect? is about what you would expect from Paul David Tripp--a sound, thoroughly biblical, Christ-centered and helpful book. The advice is terrific, and the examples Tripp gives are practical and realistic. If you're looking for another book on marriage, you won't go wrong with this one.

I received a review copy of this book from Crossway.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This book puts all the other really good material on marriage to the periphery. May 6, 2010

By Todd Lubiens

Format:Hardcover

I have the privilege of overseeing most of the content of a Christian bookstore and this is the best book on marriage that I have encountered. It is the best book because it repeatedly reorients the reader to consider how their self-centered sin functions in an anti-social manner and is the cause of the issues in their marriage. Alongside this it repeatedly calls the reader to refocus their attention to the call to be captivated by the God who is worthy or our worship and the work of his Son. This book is thorough in ruthlessly caring to equip the reader to see our sin clearer, but yet to see our Savior even more clearly. It is realistic in both the work that it takes to make a marriage work while also graphically portraying the work that Christ has already done to make us able to make our marriages work.