Customer Reviews

What Do You Want from Me?: Learning to Get Along with In-Laws

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book is great if you are willing to let your mother in law have an equal say in your home, family and parenting. I do not agree with this theroy so this was not a helpful book for me. I'm sorry but my mother in law had her chance to be the mom, my having children with her son does not equal a do over her for. Grandparents are not a "primary relationship" for children, that is infact a parents role, and the granparents take on a supporting role. I'm sure this will be a helpful book for some(mostly baby boomer who are trying to justify their pushiness as grandparents rights..) TRY TOXIC INLAWS FIRST, real life help!

"What do you want from?" explains why in-law relationships can feel so uncomfortable. I like many things about in-laws and I really try to get on with them, but I have never understood why my efforts don't pay off. Terri Apter shows what is really going on underneath. Common sense doesn't go deep enough, but Apter's descriptions of family systems make sense, and will help me be a better daughter-in-law. And I no longer feel ashamed of how I feel.

For over ten years I have been puzzled by the tension between my mother and my wife. I have felt like the man caught in the middle of an argument that is being carried on in a strange language. I read Terri Apter's book because I wanted to vet it before deciding who to give it to - my wife or my mother. I quickly realised that "What do you want from me?" is for every member of the family. I now can see things I never saw before, and from two different perspectives. And I think I can also take steps to diffuse the tension.

This is a truly awesome book! If you are looking for the one book to go to for dealing with in-law problems, this is it! Everybody knows that if you want to deal with any problem successfully you must first seek to understand it. Terri Apter has taken a look at in-law issues from every possible angle, and finally shed light on what is really going on. She provides examples using actual stories from people who participated in her research that are so easy to relate to. This book delves into the real issues at hand - from how the in-laws have power, to why things go wrong, to a new mindset for considering who is at fault. Not only does she provide the explanations that have been so hard to come by, but she offers sound advice on real steps you can take to improve things. If you are looking for a quick fix or an easy out, this will not be the book for you. But if you are looking for an understanding of what is truly happening with your own in-law relationships - and want to find insights and advice that will offer true hope, you will cherish this book.

I bought the book because I had been given the role of horrible mother-in-law. I wanted a better relationship with my daughter-in-law. The book is easy to read and understand. It offers different perspectives to understand how conflicts can occur and how to resolve them. I learned a lot. I loaned it to my son, but my daughter-in-law wouldn't allow him to read it, so sadly nothing has really changed- not the book's fault.

Apter tackles a subject of concern to parents of married adult children. I know because when I lecture on my own book, "Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children", parents frequently ask questions about in-laws. Teri Apter's book shows insight and has some great suggestions for improving these relationships.

Worth the read.

"What Do You Want from Me? has honestly been one of the best books I have read in the category of family/self-help. The author does a fantastic job of finding a balance between scholarly research and personal experience from the couples portrayed. I have also been very pleased with the end-of-chapter exercises that are specified for each person in the family, from the mother-in-law to the son and daughter-in-law.
Personally, I have been able to relate to most of the situations and apply the lessons presented in my own relationship with my mother in law.

Overall, I highly recommend this author, and particularly this book.

[[ASIN:What Do You Want from Me?: Learning to Get Along with In-Laws by T. E. Apter]] I checked this book out of the library. Looking for help for issues with an estranged MIL. Apter helps you to understanding normal human relationship conflicts from a mother's point of view and a wife's point of view. And how to work for peace.

This is very helpful if both parties are seeking peaceful relationships. Otherwise . . . NSM.

However I had a close friend's daughter getting married about the same time and we were able to glean good information about how to better reach out to the groom and welcome him into the family. Apter has specific ideas about how to carefully position yourself as MIL or wife so that you do not (unintentionally) early on in the marriage-family relationship poison the well and then have much to overcome later.

She speaks well to the idea of merging families and offering safe boundaries. And particularly about the role and responsibility of the 'child/spouse' as they introduce a spouse into the family and when necessary of standing up for the new spouse. Predominately she deals with the daughter in law and not the son in law. But the information is good for whichever relationship applies.

So, not really helpful for a family member who is problematic and doesn't want a healthy relationship.

However, this is a good read if your daughter/son is getting married; to help you begin on the right foot.

Enjoyed it even if it wasn't what I was looking for...

After listening to the authoress on NPR, I knew I should read this book to understand my severed relationship with my 38 year old daughter, who lives across the country from me. This book helped me to understand my relationship with her, my mom during my teen years and my now deceased in-laws.

Lilly in Michigan

We joke about in-laws, but now we can learn to trouble shoot. This insightful book is especially good for engaged and newlywed couples as it has sensible guides for detecting sources of conflicts and makes very sensible suggestions for intervening. It also will help guide new parents, as some conflicts with inlaws develop with the appearance of grandchildren. We needed a book that has a disciplined analysis of the sources of conflicts and why some couples/ families are more affected than others.