Customer Reviews

And What Do You Do?: When Women Choose to Stay Home

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

Although I believe it is important for women and men to be reminded that more women are choosing to stay home to raise their kids, I don't feel this book added much value to the discussion.

While this is a critical issue for our society today, the authors really stay at very superficial level of discussion. They choose to provide an endless set of examples of women who have chosen to stay at home but do not delve into any real discussion of identity, self worth, finances or career impact that women face. I liken this book to the level of a Cosmo article. It assumes the attitude that "if you make the right choice" (i.e. to stay home) all will work out magically in the end. Not only will the time out the workforce not impact you negatively but it will most likely enhance your career by allowing you to uncover hidden talents that you didn't know you had. Much of the examples ended with women becoming authors, starting a business or becomming vitally important volunteers of some type - not just stay at home moms.

I found most of the examples pretty irrelevant to my situation in that they presented scenarios of women who's husbands were not only the primary wage earners but also superstars in their fields such as sports figures, well known authors, leading surgeons, well known political figures. Not to minimize the choices that these women made, but they represent a single class of scenario where the decision was not financially based and the husband clearly had the stellar job.

Along those lines, I do not fit this profile. I am very successful at the age of 38. I make (at least)twice as much as my husband. Therefore the choice for me does have a very real financial component. I firmly believe that my choice would be different if my husband were in fact CEO of a Fortune 500 enterprise. While it is my personal conviction that staying at home to raise children is one of the most important roles a women can take on, I am still very much struggling with the impact to my life - from an identity, self esteem and perhaps social perspective. This book provided no new insights, no new information per say that would help one transition to part time work, job sharing, launching a business, etc.

I would only recommend this book as a "feel good" read for women who have made the decision and want more validation that they made the right choice. I would not recommend it to women looking for a serious dialogue about how to make the transition and handle the impact to their career, self esteem and finances.

I purchased this book after seeing the authors at a book store lecture and book-signing event sponsored by my local Mothers and More chapter. Even then, it left some lingering doubts, but reading the book increased my doubts and brought up many more criticisms.

I don't disagree for a second that it is a worthwhile endeavor to be a full-time parent and raise your child(ren). I am a veterinarian and worked half-time after the birth of my first child and left paid employment altogether for 18 months after the birth of my second. What disturbed me about this book were the generalizations the authors made about women who do the same thing or the opposite and why women can and should make this decision.

I really doubt that most women stay home after they have children in order to support their husband's career, but the authors seem convinced that this is a primary motivator. They also discuss the myriad of activities these women are engaging in to the point of not being at home. I must be missing something, because with a preschooler and a toddler, my volunteering opportunities are pretty limited. This corresponds quite well to other reviewers' comments that the women selected are not particularly representative of working women as a whole. In fact, many of the women interviewed are in highly selective fields such as runway modeling or the wives of very public or well-off men, such as professional athletes and coaches, Cabinet members, or world-renowed surgeons.

I also felt that the authors failed to address an important societal/political/economic issue - that being why only women are expected to be and allowed to be full-time parents. While they mention that it just doesn't seem acceptable for men to take advantage of parental leave options, they don't even suggest that this may be something requiring change. Nor do they address the fact that only women seem to face significant economic costs imposed by child-bearing and -rearing.

They also do not address very well the difficulty in staying home for those in highly technical and rapidly evolving fields. Anyone in medicine or other scientific areas knows that keeping up with new developments is very challenging and it is almost a given that you will have to bring your technical skills back up to speed after time away.

Finally, after I finished the book and was comparing my thoughts to those of others who wrote reviews here, I was surprised to see at least 2 of the reviews written by women who were surveyed and interviewed for the book, and yet that fact was not mentioned in their rave reviews.

Overall, while I am glad that the authors have highlighted and praised the option women have to leave paid employment and raise their children, I found their other conclusions less edifying.

All of the stay at home moms in this book are very affluent, and either had very successful careers high on the corporate ladder or in acting or modeling, or their husbands are very wealthy (ceos, doctors, sports stars, actors). While it would be interesting to read a few stories of women who formerly had great careers and decided to interrupt them to stay home with their children, most stay at home moms are not like that. This book made me feel like I have never done anything with my life. Just not very useful to the normal mom, although if you are a millionaire CEO you might get something out of it.

After reading this book and then reading the reviews on it I am so saddened and appalled by some of the responses. What I am reading are women that unfortunately get a sense of self-worth through punching a time clock as opposed to raising the children that they "had to have." This book is inspiring to women who are struggling with this decision and hopefully they will see that the "true and meaningful" job in life is raising your child. I have the rest of my life to work and in the mean time chose to volunteer in the community, chairing fundraising events, sitting on 2 Boards and "amazingly" feeling a great sense of self worth. And the best part--my daughter knows that I chose her and not a job to validate myself.

No one has a chance to ask me just what it is that I do, they are too exhausted after listening to the list of daily chores, tasks, and responsibilities, and that's just for my volunteer jobs! I am one of many "Mothers at Home" interviewed by Mary Quigley for this most excellent book. While I choose to be at home with my children in order to raise my own children, it soon became clear that inbetween meals and laundry that there was some time to participate in the community at large (as long as I could always have a baby on my hip.) By the time Mary got to me, my life was filled with opportunities that never came my way when I worked 9 to 5. And I'm not the only mother to have discovered this.

"And What Do You Do"? is a book that has looked at women like me to find that by staying home women have created incredibly interesting lives doing everything but waxing the floors. Of course, we knew that already. But if you are considering staying home with your babies, if you are working the numbers trying to decide if your family can afford for you to be at home, if you are tired of the daycare routine, if you are in love with your baby and you don't want to leave, then this book will show you that there really is a whole other world out there. It is called real life.

After having worked and prospered in my career for 10 years, I found that I was hitting a ceiling. No, it wasn't the famous glass "salary" ceiling. It was the satisfaction ceiling. I could not seem to squeeze anymore joy or satisfaction out of my job no matter where I was, who I worked for (even myself), or how much I was paid. Motherhood is a whole new ballgame and I have found NO ceiling of satisfaction here. Even though the hours are long (24x7), I know that raising one member of the next generation is one of the most important jobs I can possibly do. This book sheds a new light on a new way of doing business - that being the business of raising our children. If you are considering - even for a minute - staying at home for a while to raise your young children, spend some time with this well-researched book.

I think this is an excellent book. It profiles lots of different women who have chosen to stay home and take care of their families. I can assure you that none of the women profiled is "lazy" as one cusromer reviewer put it. As one of the women interviewed for this book, I would like to say that I am certainly not. I work very hard. In fact, I work harder now than I did when I had a full time job outside of the home.

I think the book is well written and has helped me reconfirm my belief that I made the decision to stay at home full time for now to be home with my young children.

The problem with this book is that these women are not representative of most SAHMs. It would have been a better book if it had been a real look at SAHM in a less affluent environment, and a discussion of having relationships with employed mothers. I belong to an informal network of working and SAHM mothers, and the lack of conflict is great. These women refuse to allow their husbands to slack off, and they have to do things to protect the family finances as well as keep their training up. They recognize reality (as my family did when my husband was out of work); if you step out of the workplace, you will have to retrain. They also recognize some people can not afford to stay at home. Some women make so little at unskilled work, the family would not have much left over after daycare. Others are training for jobs to raise the family income. It really is a decision that has to be made within the constrainst of what's best for the family. SOmetimes that's employment, sometimes not.

The key here is that SAHM and employed mothers have to understand that neither choice is "wrong." Once they understand that, they can make common cause and help each other. As for the Columbine thing, one of the mothers was a SAHM, and one was employed. The boys were mentally ill. Blacming mothers for that is back to the old 50s mentality we NEED to get rid of.

This book provides a platform for women behind the scenes and do not get the fame they deserve. Motherhood is the toughest job anyone will ever have and the women in this book are selfless enough to put their families first instead of a career. To comment on what one reader called lazy women is to say that person didn't truly read what these women do. One who works for her husband's liver transplant patients and their families to make sure they are provided for during difficult times. One who is a navy pilot's wife whose husband is away for six months at a time and for 9-10 months total out of the year and who has to be both a mom and dad. These women are anything but lazy. They are working 24 hours a day seven days a week to raise responsible little people and who are true partners in their marriage. I commend the authors of this book, the woman in the book as well as the women who struggle with this decision everyday. These women are all courageous!Thanks for such an amazing read!

This book really connected with me. A must read for every woman, no matter what her age, education or background. What really amazed me was that my husband found this book to be as interesting and compelling as I did. Enjoy!