What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder [Paperback]

Michele Novotni PhD (Author), Randy Petersen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 1999

Focusing on social skills training for adults with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorders (AD/HD), this book offers solutions for tackling behavior that is often inattentive, impulsive, and hyperactive. Advice is given on how to handle common social problems such as manners, etiquette, communication, subtext, listening, and interpersonal relationships. The format of the book is designed for AD/HD learning styles and includes true stories, practical exercises, and tips that keep those with AD/HD reading. Adults with AD/HD learn how to identify behaviors in themselves that can cause problems in social relationships.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Michele Novotni, PhD, is a psychologist and the author of Adult ADD. She lives in Malvern, Pennsylvania. Randy Petersen lives in Westville, New Jersey.

Product Details

• Paperback: 314 pages
• Publisher: Specialty Press/A.D.D. Warehouse; 1 edition (October 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1886941343
• ISBN-13: 978-1886941342
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #108,386 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #52 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Death & Grief > Suicide
  • #54 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Disorders & Diseases > Attention Deficit Disorder

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 71 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good, but some important issues left unaddressed., July 14, 2006

A Kid's Review

This review is from: What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (Paperback)

The basic premise of this book comes from the idea from Fulgham's book that "all we know we learned in kindergarten". Novotni interprets these kindergarten skills as basic social skills, which most ADDers didn't pick up on in their early years, perhaps because they were too busy running around and breaking things, or daydreaming too much.

I'm sure there is truth in this. However, the author ignores the fact that for many with ADD, there are also reasons behind their seemingly odd, socially inappropriate behaviours that extend beyond the "just wasn't paying attention" line. Other issues that many folks with ADD contend with, such as sensory defensive and sometimes perceptual difficulties/learning disabilities, have an impact on their ability to socialise as NTs (Neuro-typicals) do.

A good example of this can be seen in the treatment of the section on eye-contact. We are told of the importance of effective eye-contact. I have known of the importance my culture places on eye contact for communication for a long time. But I still have difficulties with it. The reasons behind my eye-contact problems have more to do with sensory and information processing difficulties than not knowing that I am expected to use it. Factors such as sensitivity to light can make the experience of eye-contact extremely intense, so that looking another person in the eye can be uncomfortable, even painful for some people with ADD. Another factor, for me, and I imagine some other ADDers, is the difficulty in coordinating concentrating on two things at once or processing a lot of information at once. When I am making eye-contact with someone, it is less likely I am hearing what the other person is saying. I am actually *listening* more when not looking at the speaker. Obviously this makes communication difficult as most people assume the opposite to be the case. There are no tips in this book on how to get around the sensory/ other issues surrounding this particular difficulty. The sensory aspect of the problem is simply not addressed.

On top of this, it also places a lot of emphasis on etiquette (e.g. phrases such as "according to proper etiquette") and conforming to "dos", and "don'ts". I do want to know what is expected from me socially, but I would have liked a less "do this", "don't do this" approach. It becomes a bit overly conformist in some sections. E.g. there is a list of popular traits and unpopular traits. We are encouraged to build on the popular traits in ourselves. But the emphasis on building "popular traits" ignores the fact that many traits that are important for society are not popular ones in our culture. Learning social skills is one thing, but should we really try to change our personalities to make ourselves more acceptable - for popularity? I personally found this section hard to relate to as popularity is not a value I rank very highly. I do want to learn how the culture I live within works, and how to express my compassion for people, but am also quite happy with my eccentricities. Perhaps if the emphasis was more on compassion for others than on gaining popularity, this section would have been more palatable.

Essentially, this book seems to take a behavioural approach to problems which are often more than behavioural. The assumption is basically that ADDers simply haven't learnt the rules. I'm sure this is true to an extent, but it doesn't take into account the entirety.

Despite the above complaints, this *is* a useful book. It is the only book I am aware of which focuses particularly on social skills in ADD. It is good for learning about what you might not know is expected of you in social situations. I just wish the author had taken a more broad-minded approach.

(n.b. this is an anonymous adult's review, not a kid's review)

48 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This is so real, so clear, and so helpful!, March 22, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (Paperback)

There are so many clinical books about AD/HD, but this book is different. It goes behind the diagnosis, treatment and struggles to talk about an often missed area of problem...the social skills area. Without addressing this, the person continues to function without knowing how he comes across in the world. Even the brightest person can alienate others in the social settings and work settings too. I also love the very emotional book of The Other Me, Poetic thoughts on ADD for adults, kids and parents, by Fellman. It touched my heart so...I cried for all those painful times. Thanks to these two authors for addressing the feelings of ADD!

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How can you ever TEACH the rules if no one taught you?, July 19, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (Paperback)

As an ADD parent of an ADD child, I found the book enlightening. It opened my eyes to things I do sometimes, and the social consequences. I also see things that my children do. With suggestions from this book I now have tools to help myself and in turn, help them. I liked that it gave examples of the right words to say, which is sometimes a problem for me.