Customer Reviews

What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The basic premise of this book comes from the idea from Fulgham's book that "all we know we learned in kindergarten". Novotni interprets these kindergarten skills as basic social skills, which most ADDers didn't pick up on in their early years, perhaps because they were too busy running around and breaking things, or daydreaming too much.

I'm sure there is truth in this. However, the author ignores the fact that for many with ADD, there are also reasons behind their seemingly odd, socially inappropriate behaviours that extend beyond the "just wasn't paying attention" line. Other issues that many folks with ADD contend with, such as sensory defensive and sometimes perceptual difficulties/learning disabilities, have an impact on their ability to socialise as NTs (Neuro-typicals) do.

A good example of this can be seen in the treatment of the section on eye-contact. We are told of the importance of effective eye-contact. I have known of the importance my culture places on eye contact for communication for a long time. But I still have difficulties with it. The reasons behind my eye-contact problems have more to do with sensory and information processing difficulties than not knowing that I am expected to use it. Factors such as sensitivity to light can make the experience of eye-contact extremely intense, so that looking another person in the eye can be uncomfortable, even painful for some people with ADD. Another factor, for me, and I imagine some other ADDers, is the difficulty in coordinating concentrating on two things at once or processing a lot of information at once. When I am making eye-contact with someone, it is less likely I am hearing what the other person is saying. I am actually *listening* more when not looking at the speaker. Obviously this makes communication difficult as most people assume the opposite to be the case. There are no tips in this book on how to get around the sensory/ other issues surrounding this particular difficulty. The sensory aspect of the problem is simply not addressed.

On top of this, it also places a lot of emphasis on etiquette (e.g. phrases such as "according to proper etiquette") and conforming to "dos", and "don'ts". I do want to know what is expected from me socially, but I would have liked a less "do this", "don't do this" approach. It becomes a bit overly conformist in some sections. E.g. there is a list of popular traits and unpopular traits. We are encouraged to build on the popular traits in ourselves. But the emphasis on building "popular traits" ignores the fact that many traits that are important for society are not popular ones in our culture. Learning social skills is one thing, but should we really try to change our personalities to make ourselves more acceptable - for popularity? I personally found this section hard to relate to as popularity is not a value I rank very highly. I do want to learn how the culture I live within works, and how to express my compassion for people, but am also quite happy with my eccentricities. Perhaps if the emphasis was more on compassion for others than on gaining popularity, this section would have been more palatable.

Essentially, this book seems to take a behavioural approach to problems which are often more than behavioural. The assumption is basically that ADDers simply haven't learnt the rules. I'm sure this is true to an extent, but it doesn't take into account the entirety.

Despite the above complaints, this *is* a useful book. It is the only book I am aware of which focuses particularly on social skills in ADD. It is good for learning about what you might not know is expected of you in social situations. I just wish the author had taken a more broad-minded approach.

(n.b. this is an anonymous adult's review, not a kid's review)

There are so many clinical books about AD/HD, but this book is different. It goes behind the diagnosis, treatment and struggles to talk about an often missed area of problem...the social skills area. Without addressing this, the person continues to function without knowing how he comes across in the world. Even the brightest person can alienate others in the social settings and work settings too. I also love the very emotional book of The Other Me, Poetic thoughts on ADD for adults, kids and parents, by Fellman. It touched my heart so...I cried for all those painful times. Thanks to these two authors for addressing the feelings of ADD!

As an ADD parent of an ADD child, I found the book enlightening. It opened my eyes to things I do sometimes, and the social consequences. I also see things that my children do. With suggestions from this book I now have tools to help myself and in turn, help them. I liked that it gave examples of the right words to say, which is sometimes a problem for me.

This book was not as useful for me as I'd hoped. There are many reasons that ADD adults have small social circles and poor social skills. For some people who have never learned the fundamentals of interacting appropriately with others, this book might prove very useful (if you always seem to be wearing the wrong thing or a group of people stares at you uncomfortably when you talk). For others, who have the basics down, there is little to be found here on maintaining relationships, or learning how to find balance between alone-time and socializing - when socializing is such hard work. In this sense, it felt like it would have been a good first half of a book, but was missing the second half. Nonetheless, few of us are perfect, and it did have some useful reminders for those of us with ADD (if I don't look at someone when they're talking, it doesn't seem that I'm listening even if I am).

Michele Novotni, Ph.D., has more than 20 years of experience as a psychologist working with children and adults with AD/HD. She is an Assistant Professor in the graduate counseling department of Eastern College, Saint Davids, Pennsylvania. She has also co-authored Adult ADD: A Reader Friendly Guide to Identifying, Understanding and Treating Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Both her son and her father have AD/HD.

This 314-page book has footnotes at the end of each chapter, an index, a bibliography and several useful appendices, including two social skills checklists. The book discusses the importance of social skills, why adults with AD/HD may not have learned all the social skills they need in their childhood, and systematically teaches these missing social skills.

This excellent guide is clearly and concisely written. Each chapter ends with a very helpful, gray-highlighted box called "Just the Facts" which lists the major points of the chapter for ready reference.

It is true that many of the social skills covered in this book are very basic, like remembering to say, "please" and "thank you" and always saying, "hello" when you enter a room and "goodbye" when you exit. However, Dr. Novotni goes much deeper than this level. For example, she covers the important area of observation of subtle social cues, using "I messages" and conflict resolution techniques, all of which most so-called "normal" adults don't know.

I believe this book is useful not just for adults with AD/HD, but for parents of AD/HD children, as well. Dr. Novotni has helped me see in a very complete and concrete way the social skills my two AD/HD teens need to acquire by adulthood.

Hi this is my first review and i'm reading alot of adhd books lately. This book is about social skills, the skills that may not have been learnt easily when you have adhd. In fact after reading this book I felt like an alien learning the rules that everyone knew and realise how I was alienating everyone else with my adhd symptoms. What I liked about this book was it was quite helpful. The information is very simplistic, yet there is a difference between understanding the information and actually knowing it, meaning practicing it. I like to use a metaphor to explain things quicker about this book. It's like sports for example, you have rules to follow, you are expected to know it, or you would get fouled out and you won't even be in the next game. Learn the simple rules first dispite it's decieving simplicity, then get better at the game later when you know what your doing. Real life is not a game, you will get isolated extremely quickly not knowing the social rules. I wish I knew the rules before though, there aren't too many books with this content since your all suppose to know it.

So what I liked about this book was there was a check list of all the skills you are suppose to practice, exercises and a summary at the end of a chapter. My complaits are it has too many pages, I can only read so much and stuff not relating to social skills yet adhd is not that great compared to other books.

I conclude that this is a good book for it's purpose, it's necessary, I couldn't figure all these rules myself before. Also I realise if you are in business for adult adhd, or working, you won't suceed without social skills even if you learnt everything else from other adhd books with different topics about adhd. I want you to really consider this book, I found it extremely helpful and necessary. I'm starting to apply it now, I feel more aware of my social mistakes, I thank the author for writing this book.

I am diagnosed Asperger's/HFA, and I found the book to be useful in some ways, although it did not address issues caused by sensory integration dysfunction, which can also be found in many people with ADHD (not to mention DSI being misdiagnosed as ADHD). From the viewpoint of many people with ADHD, the information in this book is too basic. From the viewpoint of someone further onto the autism spectrum, the information is not basic enough.

The author assumes that the person with ADHD or other diagnosis who is reading the book can see the body language, and can interpret it if s/he pays attention to it. This is not necessarily the case - I did not start to notice body language or facial expression until I was over thirty, and just because I can now see it does not mean that I can read it - I'm missing over thirty years of ingrained knowledge that most other people have been gathering since they were a couple months old, or earlier (depending up the theorist you wish to believe).

If you have a child on the autism spectrum, the books on Relationship Development Intervention by Guttstein and Sheely may be more useful. A warning, though: RDI significantly changes the personality of the person who goes through it. In a young child, this may not be noticeable or unwanted, but in an older child or adult, you may wish to ask their permission before putting them through this very thorough and intrusive therapy. As an adult, I am uncomfortable with the changes I saw produced in people who have gone through it, and would not consider it myself.

It may be a very useful resource book for the parents of children with ADHD, or a child who is on the autism spectrum who has gone through RDI and thus has some of the basic knowledge to make this book more useful.

If you have ADD/ADHD, or are married to someone who has, this book is for you. Growing up with ADD we seemed to have missed out on the socialization that everyone else experiences. This book offers practical examples and suggestions to help get your out of controlled life under control.

I must admit I was first some what turned off by this book. I felt insulted by some of the simple suggestions. As I read more into the book ,I began to find it helpful. It does offer some great suggestions and advice for both simple and more complex social skills.

The author reviews the types of behaviors that many of those with ADHD do that gets them in trouble. Also listed are many of those things that they do not but should. With the former, most of the advice provided by this author seems to consist of saying such and such behavior will land you in hot water. So don't do it. But there is little advice on how to go about modifying your behavior. Perhaps this book might be useful for kids but most adults have figured out for example that blurting things out in an undiplomatic manner will get them in trouble. But to just stay stop it is silly and useless advice.