What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know: Healing Your Child's Wounded Heart [Perfect Paperback]

Kate Cremer-Vogel MS LCPC (Author), Dan and Cassie Richards (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 2008

What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know: Healing Your Childs Wounded Heart is an essential resource for adoptive parents. . . . As a young couple, Dan and Cassie Richards thought they had finally fulfilled their dream of having a family after adopting a beautiful little boy and girl. But they had unsuspectingly invited a Trojan horse into their hearts and home. While the children seemed happy on the outside, deep inside they were suffering from the hidden trauma that so many adopted children carry with them. This remarkable true-life story of raising two adopted children is a tale of hope and resilience, of two parents unprepared for their children s psychological wounds that only time would reveal. Most importantly, it shows that profound healing is possible when adoptive families realize that traditional parenting is not enough. Because of the rejection, neglect, and abandonment they experience in the first few months of life, adopted children are imprinted with the subconscious belief that at their core they are unlovable and worthless, even if their new parents are nurturing and loving. They often decide that to depend on anyone who has the power to abandon them including their new parents is lethal. As a result, as they grow older they may develop attachment and identity issues, and their behaviors can become provocative and frightening to their parents. What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know offers adoptive parents and parents-to-be a solution. It shows that the journey to healing begins with moving beyond the misconception that the life of adopted children starts when they arrive in their new home. And it gives readers both the courage and information they need to create the breakthrough these children deserve. By following the threads of the Richards moving story, clarified by insightful analysis and practical advice from family therapist Kate Cremer-Vogel, this compelling book reveals how the effects of childhood wounds can be transformed with therapeutic parenting techniques. Both parents and professionals will learn how to recognize the most common signs of abandonment, attachment, and identity issues in children from behaviors such as lying, stealing, anger, and hatred expressed toward caregivers, to the inability to share joyfully in holidays, birthdays, and celebrations. Parents will learn how to reorient themselves to look at these behaviors not as reasons for punishment but as the child s cries for help. As Cassie and Dan discovered, it is never too late to heal the wounded heart of a child with this powerful approach to parenting.

Editorial Reviews

Review

What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know is a must read for adoptive parents, those planning to adopt, and therapists. . . . A compelling real-life story of a family struggling to overcome the effects of early abandonment and neglect on their adopted children along with the essential therapeutic keys that ultimately bring the family hope and healing. --Daniel A. Hughes, Ph.D., internationally renowned therapist and author of Building the Bonds of Attachment, Facilitating Developmental Attachment, and Attachment-Focused Family Therapy

What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know offers deep insights into what adoptive families of hurt children deal with on a day-to-day basis. It is not a sanitized overview but rather an intense examination of parent-child interactions in adoption. Cremer-Vogel and the Richards have shared personal aspects of adoption that are not covered in most pre-adoptive trainings. They offer readers the guts of adopting children who have been wounded early in life. Prospective adoptive parents should not read this book if they fear truth; conversely, they must read this if they want to know the reality of what they may face. . . . Kate Cremer-Vogel and Dan and Cassie Richards capture the bewildering world of parenting children with attachment difficulties in What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know. The Richards open their lives in the book and Cremer-Vogel is expert at connecting the dots between behavior and theory, helping parents and professionals view adoption dynamics in a new way. Using the Richards adoption story as a map through the maze of attachment issues, the reader will leave with many suggestions on how to stay on the right path to healing. --Gregory C. Keck, Ph.D., Founder and Director of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, coauthor of Adopting the Hurt Child and Parenting the Hurt Child; and Regina M. Kupecky, LSW, coauthor of Adopting the Hurt Child and Parenting the Hurt Child

This is just the book that we have been searching for! What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know combines a poignant story of adoption and attachment disturbance with professional insights and guidance by Kate Cremer-Vogel, an engaged, empathic, and effective therapist. By integrating current research with keen clinical observations, Cremer-Vogel and the Richards have produced a new standard for understanding and compassionately parenting adopted children. This will become our textbook for staff and parents alike. Thank you! --Elizabeth Kohlstaedt, Ph.D., Clinical Director, Intermountain (Childrens Home)

About the Author

Kate Cremer-Vogel MS, LCPC has been working with families since 1994. She specializes in the treatment of adoptees and their families, focusing on facilitating secure attachment. Using an empathic approach, Ms. Cremer-Vogel assists parents in bonding more deeply with their adopted child. Because it is the relationship between the primary parent and the child that is the conduit to the childs thorough development and complete brain growth, Ms. Cremer-Vogel utilizes relational therapy to lead the parent and child into a more meaningful connection and understanding, deepening their mutual trust. Kate Cremer-Vogel has completed over 300 hundred hours of training with Daniel A. Hughes PhD, world-renowned specialist in bonding and attachment. She has also trained with Glen Cooper, Kent Hoffman, and Bert Powell of the Marycliff Institute in Spokane, WA, and Robert Marvin, who developed the Circle of SecurityTM Project; Alan Schore, Dan Siegel, Bruce Perry, Bessel van der Kolk, Regina Kupecky, Violet Oaklander, and those at the Gestalt Institute of Central Ohio. . . . Dan and Cassie Richards have dedicated three decades of their lives to raising their adopted children, including completing several years of attachment-specific therapy aimed at improving their relationship with their children. They have worked with an international adoption agency in facilitating the adoption of children from overseas by families in their local community. These exceptional parents continue to assist adoptive families by spreading the news of hope and change on the state and national level.

Product Details

• Perfect Paperback: 269 pages
• Publisher: Mountain Ridge Publishing; First edition (June 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0615188451
• ISBN-13: 978-0615188454
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #952,150 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Kate Cremer-Vogel MS, LCPC completed both her bachelor and master's degrees in Ohio prior to moving to Montana in 1998. She has been working with families since 1994. Kate specializes in the treatment of adoptees and their families, focusing on facilitating secure attachment. Kate has completed over 300 hundred hours of training with Daniel A. Hughes PhD, world-renowned specialist in bonding and attachment. She has also trained in depth with the creators of the Circle of Security™ Project from the Marycliff Institute in Spokane, WA, who facilitate developmental attachment between young mothers and their babies. Kate's empathic approach, which bridges the gap between the latest neuroscience of attachment and its practical application, is grounded in the work of the current leaders in the field of neurobiology, including Allan Schore, Daniel Siegel, Bruce Perry, and Bessel van der Kolk, whose trainings she has attended. Presently, Kate is focusing on training parents in the art of Therapeutic Parenting and on presenting Therapeutic Parenting trainings throughout her home state. She plans to publish a Therapeutic Parenting Workbook to accompany "What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know."

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not Just for Adoptive Parents, August 10, 2008

By 

Janice Abbott (Atlantic, VA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know: Healing Your Child's Wounded Heart (Perfect Paperback)

While it is true that What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know specifically focusses on the experience of one couple and their two adopted children, this book contains meaningful and useful advice for all families and even for professionals who work with family dynamics. This is the story of Dan and Cassie Richards and their children, adopted from Korea in the 1970's. In chapters written alternatively by Dan or Cassie, the family's history unfolds through the years as Dan and Cassie struggle to cope with extreme psychological tensions they had never expected and do not at first understand. Their part of the narrative is extremely well written and absorbing. Be prepared to continue reading long past the point where you had thought to stop.

Interspersed with their story are the comments and evaluations of Kate Cremer-Vogel, the family therapist who has led the family toward healing. Her sections are filled with clarifications and practical advice. Her guidance in therapeutic parenting makes sense for any family and is pleasantly jargon-free.

This book is a gift to those whose interactions with loved ones are not what they ever expected or could even understand. As insights grow, so do empathy, hope, and love.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Rresource for anyone dealing with attachment disorders, August 22, 2008

By 

Suzanne Saltiel "Suzy" (Bozeman, Montana) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know: Healing Your Child's Wounded Heart (Perfect Paperback)

Therapeutic parenting techniques are what were needed in the 70s and 80s when myself and many other social workers were trying to deal with attachment disorder in older children we placed for adoption. This a great resource for adoption workers as well as adoptive parents and even natural parents dealing with similar issues.

It is painful reading about Cassie and Dan's struggles but with Kate's expertise they have learned so much about their children and their own childhoods and how to heal the hurt that has gone on for so long. The explanations that Kate has provided along the way as the family reveals their difficult time are invaluable.

The book should be required reading for adoption workers and prospective adoptive parents as well as private therapists who will encounter these issues in their practice from time to time.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A compelling story and expert advice make this a must-read book, August 23, 2008

By 

Harriet Tamminga "Harriet Tamminga, Ph.D." - See all my reviews
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This review is from: What Every Adoptive Parent Needs to Know: Healing Your Child's Wounded Heart (Perfect Paperback)

I read a number of books about adoptive parenting during my career as executive director of an intercountry adoption agency and of a post adoption center. Leading workshops for parents and socal workers involved in adoption was an important part of my job. How I wish I had had this book then to recommend to parents and professionals alike! I would have encouraged everyone -- adoptive parents, adult adoptees, adoption professionals, and any parents raising children faced with difficult family situations -- to keep this book at hand and to refer to it often.

The Richards' life real life story makes compelling reading on it's own, but what makes this book extraordinary are the insights of a knowledgeable therapist interspersed throughout the narrative which help to explain what is going on. Then, in the second half of the book, the therapist elaborates on her earlier comments, leaving readers, not discouraged by the challenges facing familes with hurting children, but encouraged to use the tools provided by this book to successfully overcome the difficulties they might face in parenting a child with a "wounded heart".