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What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter

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This is a book every father, or father to be, needs to read. You do not have to have a daughter to read this book as it speaks to the issue of marriage and how as parents we need to be integral in the process of finding a spouse for our children. This is not by arranging marriages but making sure we do more than simply stand by and give empty approval. We need to raise sons worthy of marriage to our daughters and to raise daughters that know what God calls for in a spouse.

As with most reviews there is only so much one can cover and I cannot encourage you to read this book enough. There may be things that are counter cultural, such as seeing dating as detrimental to marriage, but that is not because the conclusion stated are wrong but because we are so influenced by current practices that anything foreign to them seem wrong. Many times choices need to speak out and Voddie is one of those voices.

We are called not simply to bring forth daughters and sons into the world but to be used by God to mold them and then send them off in an appropriate manner. All too often in an effort to not appear to be "old fashioned" or out of touch with the present we send our daughters off to fend for themselves instead of being the father God calls us to be. Voddie sets forth not only sound advice but sound advice grounded in scripture. Scripture needs to be sought after not only for salvation but it is also sufficient for leading us in raising sons worthy of marring our daughters and daughters worthy to marry our sons.

I asked my sons the other day if they were the type of men that would be worthy husbands for their sister. Once the initial sounds of laughter ceased they got the point and that is we are not simply to be vigilant in raising daughters to marry in the Lord and in helping to find them worthy husbands. We are to also raise sons worthy of marrying when the time arises.

Again reading Voddie's new book is for any father whether you have daughters sons or both. Read this book with a heart to see what God says about marriage and preparing our children for marriage. There may be, depending where you presently stand with regards to dating and courtship and the like, things that are uncomfortable but I would pray you would take from this book that the future of our sons and daughters are to be important to us and that often times this may mean difficult decisions need to be made for their good. If we rely on God and His principles instead of the world's manner of things our families will be healthy and more God glorifying and they will then produce healthy and God glorifying families.

This book is more than you think. It is more than a 'check list' of what a man must be. It is more than a 'how to find a suitable husband' for yourself or your daughter.

This book inspires me to be a better parent, to be more diligent in training both my sons and my daughters, and will inspire men to be better men, better husbands, better fathers. And that is not what I anticipated.

Baucham does not leave us with an unattainable and unclear list which frustrates us and makes us feel there is no hope. He delves, quite more than I expected, into the Word, history, theology, and examples from christian heroes of the past in order to thoroughly explain what a man must be and WHY. A list would be easier to read. A list would be easier to post as a legalistic, graceless disqualifier of the young men you know. But Baucham's purpose clearly is not the above; this book challenges the reader to raise standards to God's standards rather than settling for the cultural norm and inspires the reader to teach and disciple young men to meet those standards.

This book is not as 'easy to read' as the author's previous book, Family Driven Faith, but it is well worth the extra effort. It is well-written, the author is certainly a wordsmith, but the reader's mind will need to be fully engaged in order to grasp the depth of the message being presented. The message of the book is more than what a man must be if he wants to marry my daughter, as the title implies.

I highly recommend this book. You will receive pleasantly more than you expected.

First of all when I first saw the title my initial thought was this was a book about courtship and what to look for in a spouse for your daughter. However, after reading this book there is a much wider audience.

~ What to look for in a spouse for your daughter.

~ Helping your daughter determine what to look for.

~ How to raise your sons to be prepared to lead their families.

~ Direction and guidance for husbands and fathers in leading their families.

Many of this will be new information to those who have even grown up in the typical church. I grew up in Southern Baptist Churches all my life. All I remember hearing that fathers should be doing is to have their children in church - Sunday School, VBS, missions, etc.

Ask Voddie Baucham how to best prepare for leadership and ministry and he may tell you to get married and have children. You may be wondering what that has to do with helping your daughter choose a suitor. The answer is that it has everything to do with helping your daughter choose a suitor. This book is directed at Christian parents, especially fathers. As followers of Christ it is the father's duty to lead and minister in his own home first. If you aren't sure what this looks like, you may want to consider for yourself the qualities Voddie suggests we should be looking for in our daughter's future husband and instilling in our sons who will most likely be husbands themselves some day.

The first part of the book lays the groundwork for the vision and thought behind these counter-cultural ideas. Chapter one expresses the need for fathers to have a Christ-centered multigenerational vision that extends to the children, grandchildren and beyond. Chapter two describes marriage as a ministry, explaining how marriage is a fertile training ground for future church leaders as the Christian marriage illustrates the relationship of Christ and the church to a lost and hurting world. Chapter three explains a father's role as he exercises gospel patriarchy.

Chapters four through eight lay out the qualities we should be looking for in our daughter's potential suitors and instilling in our own sons. They are as follows:

* He must be a follower of Christ (chapter 4)
* He must be prepared to lead (chapter 5)
* He must lead like Christ (chapter 6)
* He must be committed to children (chapter 7)
* He must be a protector (chapter 8)
o He must be a man of personal holiness
o He must be a man of true gentleness
o He must be a man of great resolve
o He must be a man of genuine compassion
o He must be a man of true bravery
* He must be a provider (chapter 8)
o He must have a job
o He must have a work ethic
o He must have a plan
* He must be a prophet / priest (chapter 8)
o A man must pray with and for his family
o A man must preach to his family

Chapter nine discusses the importance of protecting our daughter's purity, heart, focus, future spouse, and hope. Chapter ten talks about the importance of raising our own sons to be Godly men and describes how our influence as fathers will influence our daughter's choice of potential suitors. The conclusion offers some thoughts on the issue of ethnicity in relation to marriage and children.

If you're a father, I strongly encourage you to pick up a copy of What He Must Be ...if he wants to marry my daughter. At the very least, I hope it will show you that you don't have to accept the cultural norms when it comes to preparing your daughters and sons for marriage. God has called us to something much larger and we should seize it and move forward with all our might.


Voddie Baucham Jr. is a pastor, conference speaker, and Bible teacher. He is a graduate of Southwestern and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminaries and has also studied at the University of Oxford. Baucham is the author of The Ever-Loving Truth, the Telly Award-winning Ever-Loving Truth Bible study curriculum, and Family Driven Faith. He and his wife, Bridget have five children. Learn more about Voddie Baucham Jr. and his ministry at [familydrivenfaith.org] and [voddiebaucham.org].

Last week I read Voddie Baucham's book What He must be...if he Wants to Marry my Daughter. I read it for a few reasons. One, it went with my last sermon in our series on the book of Nehemiah. Two, it was one of the books I wanted to read for our series in July The Perfect Kid. Three, the idea of Ava getting married one day scares me to death. I think I'm scared for a few reasons: I remember what I was like in high school and college and I don't want that guy anywhere near my daughter, and I have never seen parents actual do this well.

What Voddie points out and I have to agree from experience. Parents are more involved with their daughter's choice of college than they are in her choice of a husband. Which one is more important? The answer is obvious, but we let daughters go it alone.

After reading the book, I am actually excited about the role and responsibility that God has given me as a father in raising sons worth marrying and helping Ava navigate the arena of choosing a husband. I love the one chapter title, "Don't send a woman to do a man's job." His point is that we allow and expect our daughters to do what God has called fathers to do.

Voddie walks through how to help your daughter find a man worth marrying. Just because "he is a anatomical man, and a Christian does not make him worth marrying." Wow. He also walks through how to raise sons worth marrying.

The application of this book is huge. For parents, what plan do you have to help your daughter know what to do, how to choose a husband, what criteria will uphold, what things will you highlight as things worth going after and what qualities will you show as not worth it. How will you raise your sons? Ironically, this was a huge part of the book because the church and our culture have no idea how to raise boys to become men. We do everything in our power to make men into women and then wonder why there are no men. Not chauvinistic, power hungry pigs, but men. Not boys who live at home, play video games and aren't sure if they want to get married before turning 30, but men.

This also would be helpful for single men to read to see what they should be striving for as a Godly man and for single women to get an idea of what you should be looking for in a Godly man. The criteria needs to be more than breathing and a Christian. Otherwise, "you get what you pay for" as the saying goes.

Before reading this book, my plan was to talk with Ava and pray. After reading this book, I see how important my role is and how active I am supposed to be in training and teaching her about what she should look for and helping her see blind spots. Think about it. Most men ask a girl's father for a girl's hand in marriage. But how many father's actually know enough about the man to say yes or no? I will know enough to say yes or no.

For more, check out [...].

In "What He Must Be ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter" Voddie Baucham Jr. does Christian dads a favor. He challenges them with a biblical vision of Christian courtship; and he cushions his challenge with a clear cut, easy to read, guide for how to think and plan about their daughter's future marriage.

Baucham realizes his message is as controversial as it is straightforward. Our culture prejudices us to an overly romantic idea regarding marriage. While parents feel freedom to guide and support their children in college and career choices, they are pressured to back off when it comes to their teenager's love life. Against this cultural backdrop, Baucham traces out a biblical vision of courtship, calling on dads and moms to think carefully about this aspect of their children's future.

Baucham considers "modern dating" to be "no more than glorified divorce practice." He counsels protecting a daughter's heart as much as her body. This entails thinking intentionally about the kind of man one would want for their daughter. Parents train their daughters to look for such a man, and are partners with her in the entire process.

The bulk of the book concerns the qualities of a suitable Christian man. And sadly such men, according to the author's frank admission, are in short supply. No worry, if you "can't find one... build one"! If you can't find a man who is a follower of Christ, prepared to lead like Christ, who is committed to a biblical view of children, and who can be your daughter's protector, provider, prophet and priest... then you must find a promising young man and disciple him (or build him) yourself.

Counter-cultural and radical? Yes. Unthinkable? No. Baucham carefully builds his vision of Christ-centered family life, making it increasingly clear as he progresses. The Bible is brought to bear on topics many Christians don't take time to consider well. And Baucham's warm, personable and very readable style aid him in transmitting his message effectively.

One may not be ready to follow all points of the author's plan, after reading the book through. But a careful reading of Baucham's message will certainly change anyone's perspective on the extremely high calling of parenthood. I urge everyone to consider picking up this book, and let Voddie Baucham Jr. walk you through a biblical view of courtship. And may God be pleased to provide our sons and daughters godly spouses for His glory and their joy.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by Crossway Books for review. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.

The only good I can see coming out of this book is to drive daughters away from god and into the light of disbelief. This is 2011 almost 2012, this backwards mind set is what helps to drag progress back into the bronze age. No all dads DO NOT want their daughters marrying godly men. Some of raised free thinkers who we want to marry physicists, biologists, professors, doctors, astronomers men of reason, logic and science. If you want to be an overbearing tyrant and drive your daughters into the arms of heretics and such by all means try to enforce your will n her heart. Or trust she will choose what her true heart wishes an dbless that love, even if he is "god help you" an atheist...

What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter
Voddie T. Baucham Jr.
ISBN-10: 1581349300
ISBN-13: 9781581349306

There are some books that are enjoyable, convicting, and hard to put down. What He Must Be is all of those. Voddie Baucham has written a classic.
In the last few years the name Voddie Baucham has come to our attention as a man who is very concerned for the family. His Family Driven Faith was a very good book. What He Must Be is even better. Baucham has done excellently.
Baucham takes personal experience, patterns in his own extended family, statistics, and most importantly- Scripture, to show us what a man must be if he is to be a man who is to marry his daughter. Honestly, I am convinced that I hold the same opinions and convictions.
Essentially, Baucham declares that a man must be mature, stable, holy, and responsible if he is to be a truly good candidate for marriage.
What He Must Be is a prophet, one who speaks to his family on behalf of God. He must also be a priest, one who speaks to God on behalf of his family. He is to lead his family in the ways of Jesus Christ. He must also be a protector and provider. It is particularly interesting and gratifying that Bauchum does not expect someone who is a protector and provider to measure up to a macho man standard. What he does tell us is that God's Word presents to us a picture of one who is sensitive to the needs of his wife, sensitive to the dangers and fears that she faces, and then takes the responsibility of working to meet those needs so that his wife is safe and provided for.
What He Must Be combines humor, passion, compassion, and strong convictions to give to us a wonderful picture of what a man should/must be if he is to be fit for marriage.
Highly recommended.

Voddie does it again! He has engaged our culture where it is and exposed the culture we live in as sorely lacking in parental responsibility. Parents have the priveledge and the requirement to raise godly sons and daugters and to demonstrate the reasons to demand the same from their future mates. If parents will start the process of describing the ideal mate early and continue the dialog with their child during the teen years, it will save a multitude of bad marriages and broken homes.

Don't think your child is too young to begin the conversation of explaining what a good wife or a good husband is like. My daughers have been hearing this from me since they were 3!

A must read for dads who have daughters. An inspiration for dads of sons to have their boys "man up" and be the men God intends them to be.

The world we live in and the way we live in it demands change from Christian parents. Not just tinkering around the edges, but radical, wholesale change to the way we approach parenting. Most, and I say that with full assurance, books on "Christian" parenting are of minimal use, if any, because they see Christian parenting as little different than non-Christian parenting. We raise our kids in the same way, with the same methods and (tragically) with the same expectations, just with a little bit of youth group thrown in. Why then are we surprised when we get the same terrible results?

For example. Think about how much time parents spend on planning for their kids. Planning to have them at a convenient time. Setting up college funds. In some places, getting an as yet unborn child on a waiting list for the premier daycare or preschools. Setting up schedules for the ever increasing number of activities that kids are involved in from piano lessons to sports. Planning intricate and expensive family vacations. Picking a church based on the youth program. Detailed examinations of colleges to make sure that little Susie or Bobbie get in just the right college so that they can get a "good job". But what about the most important decision they will make? There is nothing that will have a greater impact on the bulk of our children's lives than who they marry, and yet for so many parents that is not even on the radar, nor is it viewed as something that parents need to be actively involved in. Just raise `em the best we can and send `em out and hope for the best!

That is the impetus behind Voddie Baucham's new book "What he must be...if he wants to marry my daughter". It is high time that the people of God turn to the Word of God to see how to raise the gift of God that we have received in our children. This is not a book, as I am sure it will be caricatured by many, on arranged marriages or domineering patriarchy. It is a book that calls on Christian parents to take an active and intentional role in raising up our kids to seek the right kind of spouse and being deeply engaged in that process. It is also not just about helping our daughters marry godly young men, it is also about helping our sons become the godly men that Christian young women should desire to marry. This is, despite the title, not just a book for parents of young women. I would heartily recommend this book to parents who have just sons, married couples who don't have kids yet, couples thinking about getting married, single adult women and men, teenaged girls and boys alike. I fully intend to have my girls read this book and then talk about it with them, because I can say with confidence that if they seek out a spouse in the manner and with the characteristics that Voddie lays out, they are far more likely to have a sustainable, happy and Biblical marriage. That is far more important to me than them "marrying well", which means marrying a doctor or finding "Mr. Right".

The chapters raise issues that will seem completely foreign to many parents. Our daughters should seek a young man who is committed to children? Huh? They should seek a young man who is a Christian, and not just a "church member" but someone who has a grasp of the Bible, is daily seeking God's will in His Word, someone who is committed first and foremost to Christ. Have you ever thought about meeting a potential suitor for your daughter and engaging them in a discussion of theology to see if they really are in the Word or just going through the motions? In one of the chapters that will cause people to freak out, we should teach our daughters to seek young men who understand and embrace patriarchal male headship. What!? Yes indeed! When we teach our young women a watered down feminism that sees radical egalitarianism in family life as the "enlightened" model that they should seek, is it any wonder that they marry poorly and have families that are not run in a Biblical manner?

One thing that is clear in reading this book: it is unlike most of the books on marriage, parenting, courtship, families, etc. that you will find filling the bookshelves of "Christian" bookstores. Having perused a few of those books, and having seen first hand the effect those books have on the church, I can say that you are far better off pitching 99% of them in the trash. It is not hyperbole to say that this is one of the best, one of the most vital books on Christian parenting to come along in recent years (or even decades).

I have said it before and I guarantee I will say again in future posts: weak families lead to weak churches. If you want to take a substantive step toward building a strong, Biblical, multigenerational family that will lead to strong, Biblical, multigenerational churches, the best thing you can do is read everything the Bible says about parenting and families. The very next step is to run, don't walk!, to your nearest bookstore or online retailer, get What he must be...if he wants to marry my daughter by Voddie Baucham, read it, read it again and buy a copy for a friend.