Customer Reviews

What If I Tell?

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Gina McCabe is a young woman in her thirties who has experienced things that most of us wouldn't wish upon our greatest enemy. For years, she lived in fear and shame. She often experienced negative, irrational thoughts. She was depressed and often suicidal. The problems stemmed from experiences in her youth and they were tearing her up inside. Her problem was childhood sexual abuse, and she carried the experience with her throughout her young life and well into adulthood. The trauma caused tremendous anxiety until McCabe finally found the courage to confess her past and begin the healing process.

Most of the author's young life was spent living in fear and anxiety. She was never quite certain whether someone was lurking in her bedroom, behind a door, under a bed, or in a closet. She realized that her fear was irrational, but she could not control the flashbacks. Friends and family might have noticed that something was strange, but no one ever connected the dots. Even though it is widely agreed that extended family members are the most likely to commit this type of abuse, most never suspect that anything like this is taking place. This is exactly what happened to the author. Her uncle and grandfather were committing the acts of abuse, but no one ever suspected that anything was going on. And since young Gina was so scared and overwhelmed by anxiety, she never offered any hints to those around her that anything so ugly was taking place.

This book is written in an honest, effective way and I like the fact that the book includes the author's actual thoughts as she converses with different people. She includes many conversations with important people in her life and, inserted between the quotes, she includes what she was thinking at different points in the conversation. She separates the thoughts from the actual conversation through the use of italics. Often, McCabe would be saying one thing while a completely different and sometimes contradictory thought was passing through her mind. It is interesting to read these points of contrast between her thoughts and her speech. Everyone does this to an extent, but McCabe seems to do this with great frequency; a direct result of the trauma she experienced as a young girl. I also like the way the book slowly builds suspense. You know something is wrong, but the book doesn't come forward and say exactly what it is. The book keeps you guessing for the first several chapters.

Another interesting aspect of this book is the number of people in the McCabe's life who also had experienced similar forms of abuse. Some of her friends, associates, and even her own brother confess to episodes of the same type of abuse. As I read all of these confessions, I began to wonder if those who have been abused naturally attract the friendships of others who have been abused, without even knowing it. A substantial percentage of McCabe's acquaintances and family were also victims of abuse, and the number is so great that it makes me wonder if these types of victims attract each other without even realizing it.

Overall, What If I Tell is a very good book about child abuse and a young woman who finally found the strength to face her problems and begin the healing process. The author now devotes part of her time to activist activities in order to help eliminate this type of abuse. Child sexual abuse is more commonplace than people think, and Gina McCabe should be congratulated for having the strength to face her demons, improve her personal life and mental health, and work for positive change in the world.

What if I Tell? is a courageous, candid memoir written by a well-educated, articulate businesswoman who, as her second marriage begins to crumble amid juggling a stressful career and managing panic, anxiety and depression, confronts the memories of being sexually abused as a child--and how those tragic events shaped her life to this point in time.

McCabe, an excellent writer, doesn't sensor her thoughts or her words as they flow on the pages and because of that fact the reader will be very aware of her emotions at all times, never having to second guess her meaning. Her spunk and her commitment to working through the shame, anger and inability to trust, to better her life, and then sharing that information with us holds valuable insights for others who have suffered childhood sexual abuse.

With self help books being the craze and gurus telling us we need to read this one or that one to fix our lives, it's rare to find that the real key to unlocking the door to life isn't found in a self help book at all, but a memoir. If you're a survivor of sexual abuse, whether or not you've worked through the trauma, this book will be beneficial and comforting for you. It will open emotional doors that were previously closed, locked, and barricaded. It will provide you with hope and let you know you're OK and that there are others out there just like you who are willing to blindly find their way through all the emotional "crap" toward healing. Even if you're not ready to admit you may have been sexually abused as a child, or if you wonder, McCabe's book is an excellent, "safe," precursor to looking into your own soul.

Although her story is just one of many who've made the journey toward healing, McCabe is gifted in the fact she has the whither all to effect a change, to bring the memories into the light, to stay in the pain, and to give courage to other women (or men) who are about to embark on their own journeys of dealing with the intensity of abuse. She allows you to walk with her through her pain, giving you a front row seat to her soul during her darkest days. She shows you that you will come out on the other side--that joy, love, happiness and even trust can exists after childhood sexual abuse. Total reading time in one sitting--two hours. Two hours that could change your life.

What if I Tell is an unflinching look at child abuse and its effects and consequences. Sexual abuse plagues societies around the world but seems to always stay a level below people's radar, allowing it to continue to flourish and inflict pain on innocent victims. For such a pervasive and devastating problem, it is so rarely acknowledged, recognized, or understood.

McCabe provides a first-hand account in a style of writing that speaks to both adults and children alike, allowing her deeply personal and piercing account to be accessible to everyone who suffers from (or knows someone who suffers from) this particularly egregious form of abuse. Her clarity is refreshing, as is her honesty. McCabe holds no bars, pulls no punches, and shows every aspect of the prism of child sexual abuse and how it renders its victims.

McCabe breaks taboos in a revolutionary way in her memoir that shows, in a bright and profound light, the courage and virility of victims of abuse and their ability to transform themselves from victims to survivors with resoundingly courageous voices. McCabe blazes a trail, with candor and eloquence, for other victims who have been silenced and need a light to show them along the path to speaking out and enacting change.

A must-read not only for victims and those around them, but for all.

In "What If I Tell," Gina McCabe tells us her story of overcoming childhood sexual abuse. In Gina's case it was an uncle who was the abuser. She spent years of her life engaging in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder behaviors and keeping herself in a hyper vigilante state as a form of self-protection. In her younger years, she blocked out her memories about these horrendous experiences. As other survivors of abuse began to tell their stories to her, she slowly regained her memories. When she was getting married, she dreaded having this uncle attend her wedding. Later on, when her marriage was hitting some rough spots, Gina went into counseling. It was during this time that she began to regain her memories and gain an understanding of her behaviors and feelings. She also had to start making choices about empowering herself.
"What If I Tell?" is a fascinating story. It is a must read for all survivors of childhood sexual abuse, incest victims, family members, and people who work with these victims. Gina's story is one of the most comprehensive stories that I have seen written on this subject. By reading about her life, you will gain an in depth understanding of the fear and shame that is experienced by people who have been victimized in this manner. Even though, each person's experience is different with this type of abuse, it still will hold an incredible degree of value to the survivors of this abuse.
"What if I Tell?" will help survivors to recognize behaviors and patterns that are occurring in their lives that are a result of experiencing this type of abuse. It will give them a better understanding of themselves. It will also empower them to move on with their lives, get help, and to see the value of looking outside themselves to help others. The author has reached out to survivors with this book. She has also taught us about an organization called "Stop the Silence," whose mission is to stop child sexual abuse. This book is also a valuable tool for counselors and family members of survivors because it will give them a clearer understanding of the pain and damage that a person who has experienced this must go through before the healing begins. The more that you understand about what is happening to the person close to you who is trying to heal, the better you can help them with their recovery, and avoid making mistakes, such as trying to pretend that the abuse never happened. Ignoring it, pushes it deeper inside the person, it doesn't make it go away.
Ms. McCabe, I am so grateful to you for writing this book. I appreciate your willingness to share your story. I know it could not have been easy, yet in doing so you are truly touching lives. Thank you.

I couldn't put this book down as McCabe's story connected with me. She is an honest and amazing writer who had a very important story to tell. Although McCabe wrote a book about her own life; it was so similar to mine that I was sucked into the comparison. What is so sad is that child sexual abuse is more prevalent than we choose to acknowledge. However, it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my battle. I want to thank McCabe for having the courage to tell her story and help others.

We have to be the generation to stop the incredibly high statistic that 1 in every 4 children suffer from sexual abuse! One fourth ... we need to demand better than this.

Although the subject of this book may seem daunting and dark, the story is nothing close. It is a journey about courage, hope, healing and honesty and leaves you with renewed strength and spirit. Anyone who has been through turmoil in their childhood and was successful at masking it in their 20s, knows it comes pouring out in your 30s. This book will give you the strength to heal and make you realize that you are not alone.

If you were not a victim of sexual abuse as a child or have never had a close relationship with someone who was, reading this book will probably be difficult for you. I have had close relationships with multiple people who were sexually abused as children and had a hard time plowing through the retelling of the events and the author's thoughts.
As the author describes her adult experiences she expresses her thoughts in italicized captions. Those captions express her fears, insecurities and angers, as her mind races while her body is moving slowly. Someone unfamiliar with these thoughts, so typical of victims, quite likely will find it repetitive, self-destructive and annoying. It will be very easy to simply stop and say, "C'mon, deal with it and go on and live your life."
The thoughts and insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, the knowledge that the worst is going to happen, so you might as well force it and have it happen on your time and terms rather than by someone else are all typical of sexual abuse victims. Even in the best of times, the insecurities can become so powerful that they consume them, leading to feelings of dread and a belief that their death would improve the state of the world.
McCabe sets all of these feelings down, baring her innermost feelings in a manner that had to have been both difficult and cathartic. The struggles of sexually abused children are lifelong, with many never, ever seeming to cope with it. Even those who do cope often manage to just submerge it rather than overcome it. From this book, that is the category where I would place McCabe.

From the moment I began to read this book, I couldn't put it down! It was an awakening for me to understand the effects of abuse as pieces of Gina's life began to unfold before my eyes. To hear her thoughts and feel her feelings during different stages of her life made me feel like I had known her all my life. I would suggest this book to anyone...formerly abused in ANY way, and even more to those that have not.

Gina's life, seemingly still a work in progress, I'm sure has much more to tell than we will probably ever know. I can't help praying that she can find it in her to continue this book with a follow up to tell us more. How selfish am I to ask that? All I know is I wanted closure (just as she does I'm sure) and I hope she'll share herself with us again. The courage, strength, determination, and spirit that it took to share this with the world is inspiring!

This book was also printed double spaced and very easy to read if you're like me and have a hard time reading without every line jumbling together and trouble concentrating. It's worded in a way that can be understood easily without bogging it down with heavy terminology.

Thank you Gina...for sharing, having such an incredible will to survive, and for helping others with your story.
____________________
November 22, 2011

My original review was on the first edition released and I'm ecstatic over the updated release that has "an ending" so to speak. Clearly she is focused and reflecting with a great clarity that EVERYONE can learn from. Thank you again Gina for revisiting this part of your life and sharing your journey as well as lessons learned. You are amazing!

I have to tell all of you first off that I am not a reader. It takes me a lot to sit down and discipline myself to read a full book. But the story of this woman's life was so interesting and compelling that I literally flew through this book in a matter of hours. If you have ever been a person who has or who knows someone who has experienced child sexual abuse, this book is very important to the road to self-healing. Even if you are someone who battles inner demons, you will be doing yourself a huge favor by reading this book. It pertains to so many of us whether we realize it or not. I have to applaud this woman in her strength and her courage not only for herself. But to tell her story to the world in order to help others. This book is about bravery and raw emotion of the human spirit. To the author- thank you for sharing your story and bringing a greater awareness of it to society's forefront.

The memoir from Gina McCabe is certainly moving and powerful. I say that as a survivor myself. However, while it can be beneficial to share our stories I think such sharing needs to have a good powerful ending, some great hope to show to those less along the path to recovery than we are. That is what is lacking in this book. It simply ends and we know that she is still in need of medication, still not fully functioning in her marriage, and still dealing with telling her friends and family. Perhaps writing this book is part of her recovery but for others I think waiting a few more years before sharing it would have been more helpful. Survivors don't just to see that others have suffered and are surviving but that others are thriving. I didn't get the impression by the end of McCabe's story. Give therapy and recovery a few more years at least and then you can start to thrive, you can, I did and I do.

By writing this memoir detailing her own experiences, author Gina McCabe has taken a huge step forward in breaking the silence that all-too-often surrounds childhood sexual abuse. Even when McCabe herself finally admitted her history of sexual abuse to a therapist when she was in her 30s, she remained somewhat in denial, blaming the many problems in her life--insomnia, extreme anxiety, and more--on her marriage rather than on the abuse. As the book continues, however, McCabe offers an extremely candid portrait of her gradual realization that the abuse did in fact have a long-term, traumatic impact, and she slowly begins making her way through the painful process of healing.

This book is written honestly if not always expertly (I did notice quite a few punctuation errors). McCabe allows the reader to truly understand how devasting the effects of childhood sexual abuse can be; readers with their on abuse histories are likely to feel a strong sense of kinship. I would definitely recommend this book as a glimpse into the perspective of a sexual abuse victim, and my overall rating is 4 1/2 stars.