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What Is Marriage For?: The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution [Paperback]

E.J. Graff
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 18, 2004 9780807041352 978-0807041352
In the wake of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court's historic Goodridge decision, a reissue of the bible of the same-sex marriage movement

Will same-sex couples destroy "traditional" marriage, soon to be followed by the collapse of all civilization? That charge has been leveled throughout history whenever the marriage rules change. But marriage, as E. J. Graff shows in this lively, fascinating tour through the history of marriage in the West, has always been a social battleground, its rules constantly shifting to fit each era and economy. The marriage debates have been especially tumultuous for the past hundred and fifty years-in ways that lead directly to today's debate over whether marriage could mean not just Boy + Girl = Babies, but also Girl + Girl = Love.

Frequently Bought Together

What Is Marriage For?: The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution + The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today (Vintage) + Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage
Price for all three: $51.03

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

E.J. Graff had a very personal reason for asking the question in this book's title: she was married in 1991, but in a ceremony legitimized by neither church nor state. Graff and her dearly beloved, you see, are lesbians. But instead of being dominated by agenda, What Is Marriage For? is a playful and informative study of the institution of wedlock throughout history that will appeal to readers outside of its obvious constituency. Chapter by chapter, Graff looks at the legal, sociological, and anthropological assumptions about money, sex, procreation, tribal affiliation, and the pursuit of personal happiness that underlie the concept of matrimony in Western societies. Her eye for the odd historical footnote is especially striking: we learn, for example, that in ancient Rome, marriage vows were exchanged by the groom and his father-in-law, and that--the assertions of right-wing fundamentalists notwithstanding--families were actually far less stable in the premodern era (where as many as 50 percent of all French children lived with a stepparent) than they are today. Graff's conclusion? The rules of engagement have fluctuated so wildly over the centuries that the term "traditional marriage" is something of an oxymoron; same-sex unions are but one of the many ways in which marriage has evolved to meet the changing social dynamics of the 20th century. --Patrizia DiLucchio --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

"What is marriage forAlike most serious political or social questionsAis a question about what it means to be fully human," contends Graff in her lively feminist treatise on why same-sex marriage should be legalized in the United States. Beginning with her own desire to be married to her partner, Madeline, and the (non-legal) ceremony they shared, she explores why people yearn to be married, the state's investment in such unions and why society might object to particular couplings. She contends that since marriage encourages hard work, fidelity and legitimate children and creates social parameters for sex, it's good for society. Given that it is, fundamentally, a matter of "individual spirit," Graff argues that same-sex partners should be able to share in these virtues. The book's strength lies in her well-researched and entertaining history of Western marriage. Revealing how social change has always preceded legal and religious change, she delineates how couplings we take for granted todayAsuch as marriages for love, marriages in which women work outside the home, those in which the partners use contraception for family planning or remain childless, and those between members of different races and religionsAwere all once thought to provide such extreme threats to the institution of marriage that critics claimed each would destroy it. Since none did, asserts Graff, same-sex marriage won't, either. Although her repeated summaries of "what marriage is for" and why it must include same-sex couples can become a bit tiresome, and her dismissals of alternative views don't always take into account their tenacity (she ultimately spurns as "doomsaying" the idea that marriage won't survive social change), on the whole Graff's argument is spirited and likely to generate discussion. (June)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 328 pages
  • Publisher: Beacon Press (March 18, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 9780807041352
  • ISBN-13: 978-0807041352
  • ASIN: 0807041351
  • Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 6 x 8.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #567,538 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Excellent historical overview/recap of why the institution originated and mutated over time. Annie Emerson  |  2 reviewers made a similar statement
It is very informative, but still a quick read. A. Ramirez  |  1 reviewer made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
24 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Well done and extremely informative May 11, 2005
Format:Paperback
The historical overview Graff provides covers not only the institution of marriage itself, but also the wide spectrum of gender roles that have been standard in past Western culture. (For example, the idea that the wife should stay at home didn't occur to anyone until Victorian times brought along industry and 14-hour factory jobs!)

The author writes a fine history, quoting original sources and backing up her information, in a tone conversational and interesting enough for even a reader like myself, usually terrible at reading history books, to follow and enjoy.

Her overview of polygamy is the only thing in this book that fails. The overview is brief, and the only examples given are the Mormons and the Oneida commune. I might opine that she neglected this area on purpose. Part of this book's thrust (perhaps ten percent of the text is focused on it) is providing factual support for the idea that marriage between two people of any gender is simply the next natural consequence of the changes in our society and economy. The critics of this idea often use the negative media image of polygamy to their credit.

I'm guessing that she glanced over it in order to keep this argument at bay -- which is a pity, because the book could have been stronger with an actual refutation, citing historical and modern examples of polygamy in their societal context. But at least she is careful enough with her language that she does not tar all multi-person couples with the same brush.

Aside from this qualm, I'm quite satisfied with the text as a whole, and would recommend it to anyone who wants a better understanding of marriage and gender roles throughout the ages in their economic and social context.
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
This book is a wonderful read. It talks about the history of marriage in a way that is incredibly engaging, and also grounded in careful historical research. There is no other book which presents the history of marriage in the US and Europe in this way; most such books are quite dry but not this one. The author uses the wide variety of functions of marriage over the years to craft a persuasive argument in favor of allowing marriage by same-gender couples. But the book is much more than that! It discusses religion, economics, law, and a host of other social phenomena as they have related to marriage over the centuries, in a format that is brilliantly organized and eminently readable. This book makes a great wedding present or birthday present. It is timely and important. Marriage is the subject of much public policy discussion these days, and this book gives readers an informed, nuanced perspective on the institution. It is especially strong in pointing out the ways that what many of us think of as "traditional marriage" has changed over the years. The author shows, in her entertaining way, that many of the things we take for granted as part of "traditional" marriage (like Love, for example), actually are rather recent additions to the elements of marriage. I highly recommend this book.
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29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic and Fascinating January 28, 2000
Format:Hardcover
I picked up this book when I was having doubts about my friends' upcoming nuptials - I had hoped it would give them something to think about before they made that major step. I examined it more closely and realized it was a much more interesting book than that! The author has throroughly researched the various reasons marriage has existed as an institution (in Western civilization) and presents a compelling case in favor of same sex marriage as well. I was already in favor of same sex marriage, but now I have ammunition! It's lively, amazingly researched, and also full of facts you just don't get in history class. A must-read for social history buffs, gay-rights advocates, or anyone who wonders about relationships today.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating and eye-opening July 9, 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Like Graff, my daughter is a lesbian in a committed relationship, and it angers me that she is prohibited from marrying the person she loves. I was delighted to find this book exploring the changing purpose of marriage in the western world from Roman times to the present and read Graff's case that the battle over same-sex marriage is just the next iteration in a centuries-old line of views of what marriage is for.

Graff never claims that her book is a balanced history; she lets readers know right up front that she is gay and that her purpose for doing all the research and writing was to present her argument that same-sex marriage should be legal. Anyone (like an earlier reviewer) who is surprised by that simply wasn't paying attention.

Graff's writing is both informative and lively, with plenty of facts interspersed with anecdotes and human interest. I already agreed with her premise so I didn't need to be persuaded, but she makes her case so well that it's hard to see how anyone could read this book and still believe gay people should be denied the right to marry. Even for those who are already believe that, the book is well worth reading. Now I can back up my assertion that same-sex marriage should be legal with a persuasive argument based on historical fact: What conservatives call "traditional marriage" is actually less than 100 years old, and this is the logical next step in its evolution.

This is an excellent book that belongs on the bookshelf of everyone who believes in human rights.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Good summary
Good overview of marriage through the the years with each section examining a particular aspect of the institution. Read more
Published 19 days ago by Bronx Book Guy
5.0 out of 5 stars WHAT IS MARRIAGE FOR?
Excellent historical overview/recap of why the institution originated and mutated over time. Questions discriminatory practice of excluding homosexual unions brilliantly.
Published 1 month ago by Annie Emerson
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
I thought this was a very entertaining look at the history of marriage and how it has changed through the years. Read more
Published 4 months ago by A. Ramirez
4.0 out of 5 stars MARRIAGE CRITICALLY EXAMINED; ADVOCATING SAME-SEX MARRIAGE
E. J. Graff
What Is Marriage For?

(Boston, MA: Beacon Press, 1999)
(ISBN: 0-8070-4114-9; hardcover)
(Library of Congress call number: HQ734. Read more
Published on September 23, 2010 by James L. Park
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent read, would highly recommend
No nonsense guide to the history of marriage. Has some amusing analogies that make you think about this ever evolving tradition.
Published on March 24, 2010 by Michael R. Coffey
2.0 out of 5 stars Missed the basics
While E. J. Graff gives a broad social history of marriage, she does not delve deeply enough into the religious history of marriage which leads to errors in her arguments. Read more
Published on June 25, 2007 by magmom24
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting Book that Opened My Eyes
A very interesting book about the history of marriage and what this history suggests for the arguments surrounding gay marriage. Read more
Published on July 5, 2005 by Kim
1.0 out of 5 stars A Disappointing Tract for Same-sex Marriage
What I expected was a well researched history of marriage laden with colorful commentary, humorous ironies, and insightful analysis. Read more
Published on April 24, 2005 by Book Dude
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
I really enjoyed this book and can't say enough good things about it. So I'll just leave it there for that. Read more
Published on April 5, 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful, well-researched read
This is a great book. It is not only well-researched, but also witty, insightful, and a very engaging read. Read more
Published on April 1, 2004 by Jennifer
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