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What Mama Couldn't Tell Us About Love: Healing the Emotional Legacy of Racism by Celebrating Our Light
 
 
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What Mama Couldn't Tell Us About Love: Healing the Emotional Legacy of Racism by Celebrating Our Light [Paperback]

Brenda Richardson (Author), Dr. Brenda Wade (Author)
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 3, 2000
"Mama," writes Brenda Richardson, "you taught me how a black woman could survive and prevail in this world...but because you never learned yourself, you couldn't tell me how to make love work...I don't mean any disrespect, Mama, but...now I have children of my own. And in a loud revolutionary voice, I declare to the universe: the pain stops here."

Clinical psychologist Dr. Brenda Wade and coauthor Brenda Richardson ask their African American sisters to consider this question: "What lessons about love and intimacy were passed down from your foremothers to you?" In this provocative rethinking of the African American woman's experience, the authors suggest that African American women share an emotional legacy that began when their ancestors were dragged in chains to the "New" World and continued as their descendants suffered through the violence and humiliation of the Jim Crow period and later racism. Indeed, they argue, the long shadow cast by these historical events impacts romantic practice, lives can be transformed once there is a true understanding of the power of inherited beliefs.

What Mama Couldn't Tell Us About Love shows how important it is to grieve and make peace with this brutal history. As you will see in this remarkable uplifting book, it is possible to use the positive messages inherent in the African American experience to create a better life. Learn from the "Sisters Spirits"--well-known African Americans whose stories enliven these pages--as you move toward emotional freedom. Listen to the words of the spirituals interspersed in the text, enhance the coping skills and strengths your forebears harnessed to help them survive and prevail, and believe that emotional emancipation is your birthright.

Mama may not have told you all this in so many words--but there is no doubt that she would want to see you take these last steps toward freedom and abundant love.


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Among the most damaging and unexplored legacies of the transatlantic slave trade are the negative, afrophobic mores and myths that have devastated black male/female relationships. This book by clinical psychologist and Essence magazine contributor Dr. Brenda Wade and coauthor Brenda Lane Richardson examines many of the so-called scarcity beliefs, such as: "There are no good men out there"; "Any man will cheat if he's tempted"; "I'll always be alone"; and so on. What the authors advocate is not only an acceptance of historical burdens but the willingness to express grief and delve into the deep, spiritual wells of one's ancestors. "The only way we can attain freedom," they write, "is by bringing our past into the light of understanding. What's required is a different sort of liberation movement, one that allows us to work through the shame and guilt that keeps us from embracing ourselves." Richardson and Wade offer several life-enhancing beliefs central to self-healing--"God loves me"; "I can make something out of nothing"; "I can make a way when there seems to be no way"; and "My heart will guide me if I listen." An enjoyable and uplifting reading experience, What Mama Couldn't Tell Us About Love offers words of wisdom that women of all hues can use. --Eugene Holley Jr. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Based on their belief that "descendants of people stolen from sub-Saharan Africa" have a unique ancestral history that affects their intimate relationships, journalist Richardson and psychologist Wade (the coauthors of Love Lessons) have written a guide to emotional, romantic and sexual success aimed at the African-American Everywoman. Drawing on anecdotal material and occasionally the experiences of fictional characters in the work of Toni Morrison, the authors devote the bulk of the book to exploring specific "anti-intimacy beliefs" that they claim are rooted in slavery (e.g., "My body is not my own"; "no matter what I do, it won't make a difference"; "I'm not good enough to be loved"), and outlining "life-enhancing beliefs" ("God loves me"; "I can make something from nothing") that can be superimposed in their place. They also provide meditations for clearing the bodily energy centers known as chakras, instructions for constructing an emotional genealogy, role-playing exercises and other familiar techniques for working through negative attitudes and emotions. Though skeptics may not be convinced by the vaguely worded yet impossibly exact statistics that Richardson and Wade use to bolster their thesis ("90 percent of our beliefs and behaviors arise from the subconscious"), and their premise is bound to stir debate, their recommendations, especially for handling anger and depression, are on-target. (June)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 276 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial (July 3, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060930799
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060930790
  • Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,225,840 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

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Average Customer Review
5.0 out of 5 stars (9 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This is the best book I ever read! Excellent!, October 12, 1999
By A Customer
I cound not put this book down! I was amazed of the imact black slavery has on us today.The entire truth was never taught to me in school. I'm glad this book tells it how it is(or how it use to be)!This book taught me how to heal deep emotional scars that have been pasted down from one generation to the next. I had no idea what a profound impact past emotional abuse has had on my personal life and love relationships today. Don't live in the dark, buy this book and be enlightened to the abudance that was ment for you...
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Provocative, Enlightening, and Engaging, May 1, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: What Mama Couldn't Tell Us About Love: Healing the Emotional Legacy of Racism by Celebrating Our Light (Paperback)
This book is an absolute MUST for any black woman (or man for that matter) who wants to deal with intergenerational scarcity beliefs which prevent us from truly experiencing love in our lives. Richardson and Wade do an excellent job of explaining how the slavery experience impacted every facet of black life and remnants of that impact are played out in our relationships with our family, friends, and mates. For instance, many of us can look back in our family tree to locate where different behavioral patterns (i.e. alcoholism, sexual abuse, obesity, etc.) developed and now play out in our own lives. The authors have you do a series of exercises, such as a genogram which lists the scarcity beliefs and self-destructive behaviors members of our families have developed and passed on to us, to help you begin to understand those internalized beliefs and behaviors which prevent us from experiencing real love. The book doesn't just focus on love relationships with mates but explores love relationships with ourselves, our family, and our mates. Personally, I found the chapter on anger to be the most provocative and enlightening. So much so that I have begun using the information I learned about my anger issues in my individual counseling sessions. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to deal with the pain of slavery and its reprecussions on our present day lives.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Black Book Network highly recommends this book!, June 20, 1999
By A Customer
Brenda Richardson and Dr. Brenda Wade have done a tremendous job in putting together this well researched and documented book. It discusses our collective histories of slavery and sorrow, and their lasting effects on black male and female relationships. Particularly poignant were the prologue (A Letter to Mama) and the chapter entitled, "Believe in Abundance." The use of genograms to decipher and understand our personal family histories, and how the lives of our parents, grandparents, and ancestors have shaped our attitudes today, was sheer genius. If you liked Vanzant's Yesterday, I Cried, you'll love this book. It put more historical and documentary uumph behind the words.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
We open with this quote from Oprah Winfrey, because we too believe that even our most pain-filled experiences are priceless gifts that offer us opportunities to grow and to learn to live abundantly. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
scarcity beliefs, abundance group, belief explored, emotional legacy
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
African Americans, Mary Ann, Brenda Richardson, New York, United States, San Francisco, Toni Morrison, Jim Crow, Mama Ethel, Nappy Hair, Oprah Winfrey, Civil Rights Movement, Niravi Payne, President Clinton, Blaming Anger, Distracting Frustration, Grand Central Station, Iyanla Vanzant, Madame Walker, Martin Luther King, Mother Africa
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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