Customer Reviews

What Men Really Want (Signet)

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Despite the provocative title this is not a manual on sexual preferences and/or techniques. It's a very well written guide to the realities and fallacies of relationships between men and women. More than anything it is a helpful digest of men's perspectives on life and relationships, of their experiences of socialization as children, and of the pressures to which they are subjected as adults, all of which impact their interactions with the significant women in their lives. Unlike Gray's Men are from Mars..., which often times loses one through "cute" sometimes patronizing and repetitious style (although a helpful book also), Dr. Goldberg describes more succinctly and clearly what men can realistically deliver emotionally in relationships. He also demonstrates how women's sometimes unrealistic and romantic expectations can frustrate men and increase their anxiety level at unpropitious times, and how the different life views and communication styles of the two genders can place even loving couples at odds with one another. Although I sometimes found myself a little on the defensive when reading the book, I also found that when I looked at things more from the male perspective--to the degree that I as a woman am able to do so--much that had occured in my failed attempts to relate to men in the past became clearer, and I could see what part I myself had played in the demise of those relationships. A useful book, and one I would suggest to anyone--man or woman--contemplating marriage or a commited relationship of any kind.

This book is scary. It tells women things we don't want to know. It could almost make you not want to love men any more, once you know what they really think and what they'd really be happy with. However, if you want to improve your relationship and communication with a man, especially an ambitious man....this is the book you have to read. I am a 48 year old woman, and I learned alot of hard truths by reading this little paperback. I am changing my own behavior drastically based on what it has to say, and I am seeing big positive results in my 15 year long relationship. Moreover, I'm totally shocked by how immediately my partner changes in response to my "new behavior"! I'd like to give a huge "Thank you, Sir!" to Herb Goldberg, for having the nerve to write this book!

I bought this book because I was on the point of losing a man I was very much interested in keeping around. It made me realize right away several things I was doing to push him away and I was able to turn the relationship around. This is a general book about what men want and not only useful in dealing with romantic relationships but also gives women a better understanding of men in general. It helped me at work with men I work with, and I passed my old copy (which I had read several times) on to a girlfriend. I miss being able to refer to it, so I am back online buying another copy. Goldberg's style is a little more intellectual (but not lofty) than John Gray and so if you find Gray a little "flowery" this might be a better reference for you.

This classic relationship book is still selling well because of the insane popularity of new television shows like Sex and the City, The Bachelor, Joe Millionaire, and The Bachelorette.

Why are people buying these relationship books?

The answer for most women is because of the necessity to understand how men think and behave. Additionally woman need to appreciate men for who they really are because in today's popular culture, men can act very mysteriously.

Herb Goldberg's book is pre-Mars & Venus which I think is a more readable book than this one. But I got my start in studying relationships by reading Dr. Goldberg's other great work titled, "The New Male."

I read this book the other day because I'm doing research for my third book which addresses typical women's questions about today's reality romance shows.

In reading this book I found two parts that I think are very valuable. One is the section titled, "Men's Blind Spots: How He Distorts His Relationships" which has 12 specific behavior patterns described in detail (very right on). The other section I like is titled, "Loving Him As He Wants To Be Loved" which I think are very true and can help women create a more secure emotional attachment.

As a writer in this subject matter, this is one of those books that I like to have in my library so that I can refer to it from time to time on core relationship principles. This is not a book for entertainment, but one for reference.

I can't disagree with any of the other reviewers for this book. Some will find it redundant, others will find it informative, and many will think it's boring. But for a few dollars, you get some valuable information from a highly credible source.

If you're a woman who is confused by the mixed signals that men give off in love relationships, this book may offer you some clues. Just don't expect to be entertained or amused. This is serious stuff that is written in a more formal tone. But knowing men's love blind spots may be worth your while. (It was for me!)

I read this book back in the 80s, when it came out. The title is not sexist; it's more about how men are conditioned to show their love for their families. They show their love and concern by "doing for," as opposed to talking and openly nurturing as women are expected to do. It answered some questions for me as a daughter and wife. It's definitely worth the time spent in reading.

As time has gone by, this book in some ways became a precursor to the "Men Are From Mars--Women Are From Venus" series of books which demonstrate how men and women think differently about life and love.

*sigh* I wish I had read this two years ago. I could have saved myself and a man I was involved with until just recently from alot of grief. Many times, in reaction to what I perceived to be emotional abuse by him, I repeatedly accused him of being callous, cold, evil, inhuman, insensitive, shallow, superficial, unfeeling, etc. Before reading this book, I honestly believed I was his innocent victim and that none of the intimacy problems between him and I were my fault. Now, my part in the destruction of our relationship is very clear to me. I plan to send him a letter of apology, and I plan to try very hard not to repeat MY hurtful behavior in future relationships I have with men.

This book is so incredible in the message it brings to women. And I thought I knew so much! What I knew is that what I had been doing in relationships just didn't work! This will be part of my resolve for new behavior the next time around. This book ought to be a primer in the school systems as well. When you are 45 and relearning how to be in a relationship, it will take a while to change! Excellent!

...and ask them anything you want, you will probably find it here. This is next to the best thing. You will read things like: understanding him in a relationship, why sometimes he likes to be alone and why you can't change him and what happens if you try. For more of a deeper understanding about men, this is the one to read. It's a, "ahhh, now I know" kind of a book.

Perry Rose, author of I Love You...Will You Marry Me?!

I FOUND THIS BOOK WHEN I WAS LOOKING FOR FALUDI'S BOOK "STIFFED" IN THE "MEN'S STUDIES" SECTION (ABOUT TWO SMALL SHELVES) AT BORDERS. I GENERALLY DON'T READ POP PSHCHOLOGY OR SELF HELP BOOKS BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS ANY HOPE FOR ME. I THOUGHT CIRCUMSTANCES IN MY LIFE HAD TURNED ME INTO A COLD, DISTANT, SELFISH, ABUSIVE, MEAN SPIRITED, UNLOVING, INSENSITIVE, UNFEELING, ETC. MAN. HOW COULD ANYONE LOVE ME! I NEVER FELT THAT I WAS ANY OF THOSE DESCRIPTIVE WORDS AND BECAME VERY DEFENSIVE AFTER HEARING THEM FOR TWENTYFIVE YEARS. ALL THOSE WORDS DID WAS HARDEN ME EVEN MORE. NOW AFTER READING ABOUT MYSELF IN THIS BOOK AND RECOGNIZING BOTH MY BEHAVIOR AND MY WIFE'S BEHAVIOR AS TYPICAL, THE NORM RATHER THAN THE ABBERANT, I FEEL THAT THERE IS HOPE FOR ME AND FOR US. I RECOMMEND THIS BOOK FOR MEN AS WELL AS WOMEN IN ORDER TO BRING SOME PEACE TO THE DYNAMICS OF MALE,HUSBAND/FEMALE,WIFE RELATIONSHIPS.

Far too often, I have expected from the man in my life actions to meet my needs without regard to his comfort level in performing these deeds. Dr. Goldberg's book has become my guide in identifying what I may be doing to contribute to problems in my relationships. This book should not be limited to marriage/dating relationships; rather, the information is useful in dealings with all male associations -- fathers, sons, brothers, co-workers, etc.

His presentation is rather clinical at times and can be delved into as one would devour textbook information. In my case, I found the arrangement quite satisfying. My copy of What Men Really Want is dog-eared, tabbed with Post-It notes, and highlighted with bright yellow streaks.

Granted, explaining the "whys" of traditional male behaviors may soften the misunderstandings -- however, the woman reader must keep in mind that, should the behavior continually serve to demean or injure her, she should seriously consider the option of abandoning it. Many women don't have the emotional fortitude to suffer through male comments/behaviors without breaking down from time to time.