56 of 59 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Men-what we wish was not true but often is?, January 25, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: What Men Want: Three Professional Men Reveal What it Takes to Make a Man Yours (Mass Market Paperback)
I found this book very disturbing...but very enlightening. It is hard to read much of this, especially the end part,"the ugly truth about men"...The truth of how men rapidly catagorize you as either lifetime mate potential or "good for now girls" is not a pretty concept at all, but in my expereince, alas, a true statement.
I saw myself in many of the relationships. I saw how much I blamed men that I thought 'should' have been interested in me, or dangled me, but now see how it was me that refused to accept the obvious 'signs' that they were just not interested in me the way I was about them....this book does not present men as evil at all, just with, often unpleasant and brutal honesty. Men know what they want and show their intentions right away. We (women) just often think we can change their minds, when really, what we should be putting our efforts into is instead, changing partners.
Men who date women that they don't want to marry or have a long term relationship with *do* let you know.... They don't make time for you the way they should, don't clear their calendars, they make excuses why they need to keep their options open...but the real truth is: They just don't want to make time for "you". They have already made up their mind; You are not the one.
This book was really helpful, because I recongnize these signs now, and don't try to force things with men that don't want what I want and who appear not that interested from the beginning. Choose a man that chooses *you*. Those are the ones to pursue...and forget about the ones that treat you with indifference. It is good advice.
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33 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
I was expecting to love this book BUT..., February 26, 2005
This review is from: What Men Want: Three Professional Men Reveal What it Takes to Make a Man Yours (Mass Market Paperback)
I didn't! I found that it proposed a strict set of gender-based rules to follow, which seemed extremely sexist. These three male authors were well-intentioned and intelligent (although I didn't appreciate them reminding me constantly that they were "professional men," as if to imply that some redneck, beer guzzling lowlife from the trailer park might not have the same expectations for women!)
To be fair, Brad, Chris, and Rich are bright guys who were being honest and trying to give women the best advice possible, so that we can eliminate the wrong men from our lives, and cultivate the right ones. My problem with their advice is that they want women to accept men just the way they are even if that means that women have to play Barbie to get their Ken.
To recap some of the tips in this book, women are told not to ask a man out for a first date, not to use profanity initially, not to get too heavy or intense in terms of discussing politics or disagreeing with a man, or confiding one's life history, not to sleep with a man too soon, and not to call him that frequently. Women are also not expected to pay for the dates, although it's considered polite and generous if women offer to pay for a taxi or a round of drinks by the second or third date.
How does this advice differ from what mothers told their daughters 50 years ago? Oh, okay -- it's permissible to sleep with a guy somewhere around the fifth date. DUH!!!
The whole concept of being someone other than who you are in order to "capture" a man, who will invariably discover that you are another person three months later, is so revolting. Now, I'm not prone to sleeping with a total stranger, using a steady stream of expletives with someone that I don't know, or telling a brand new person that there is mental illness in my family. However, I need to be myself! I don't want to catch or capture anything, especially a person. I like to envision men just the way I view females -- I don't want to "get" one. I want to find and be with a guy who likes me for myself.
However, the very worst part of this book is that I suspect that most of what they said is true!@! That's what makes it depressing. Earlier this month, I read He's Just Not That Into You. I was prepared to hate that book BUT I loved it! Liz and Greg were so funny that it helped to cushion the hard truths. They were also more homey or earthy -- I'm not sure what it was but I found it easier to relate to them than to these three guys, possibly because Liz and Greg did not repeatedly remind me of their professional status.
Having said that, Liz and Greg made wild generalizations, which Rich, Chris and Brad did not make. The latter acknowledged all kinds of different reasons why a man may not contact a woman after their first date or meeting, why he may bail at some point in the relationship or fail to commit. To Liz and Greg, there was only one explanation -- he just wasn't into you. Like Liz and Greg, these three guys truly cared about helping women to find the right mate. Their heart is in the right place.
After reading these two books, I've decided not to read any more self-help books about the sexes! Ideally, I would like to be myself and to treat the men in my life exactly the same way that I treat the women. But realistically, I realize that by doing so I may alienate some good guys. It's a hard judgment call to make. I don't understand why men can accept the fact that women sit on the Supreme Court, operate in hospitals, and fly airplanes but those same competent and ambitious gals are not supposed to ask a man out on a date! Sad commentary.
Sigrid Mac
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52 of 58 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
No wonder these guys are single., August 10, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: What Men Want: Three Professional Men Reveal What it Takes to Make a Man Yours (Mass Market Paperback)
I wonder if this book should have been entitled "Scared Gay" & used as recruiting propaganda by the Lesbian Avengers. If not, the L.A.'s should give it a thought, as this book makes heterosexuality for women out to be something like God's curse on Eve. It manages to bash men in a way that would make Andrea Dworkin proud. Men are shallow, selfish, lying, manipulative & deceitful, according to this "book". What is unfortunate is that some young women are going to read it, take it seriously & think this is what all men are really like. This book should have been titled "What Spoiled, Shallow, Arrogant, New York City Yuppies Want In A Woman - And Why They'll Never Find Her." Take heart. There are many kind, decent men out there who want commitment & marriage & aren't looking for a breathing Barbie doll - but you're darn well not likely to find 'em in a yuppie bar, ladies! "Momma, don't let your babies grow up to marry lawyers..."
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