Customer Reviews

What Men Want: Three Professional Men Reveal What it Takes to Make a Man Yours

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(15)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(15)
1 star:		(25)

 

 

I found this book very disturbing...but very enlightening. It is hard to read much of this, especially the end part,"the ugly truth about men"...The truth of how men rapidly catagorize you as either lifetime mate potential or "good for now girls" is not a pretty concept at all, but in my expereince, alas, a true statement.

I saw myself in many of the relationships. I saw how much I blamed men that I thought 'should' have been interested in me, or dangled me, but now see how it was me that refused to accept the obvious 'signs' that they were just not interested in me the way I was about them....this book does not present men as evil at all, just with, often unpleasant and brutal honesty. Men know what they want and show their intentions right away. We (women) just often think we can change their minds, when really, what we should be putting our efforts into is instead, changing partners.

Men who date women that they don't want to marry or have a long term relationship with *do* let you know.... They don't make time for you the way they should, don't clear their calendars, they make excuses why they need to keep their options open...but the real truth is: They just don't want to make time for "you". They have already made up their mind; You are not the one.

This book was really helpful, because I recongnize these signs now, and don't try to force things with men that don't want what I want and who appear not that interested from the beginning. Choose a man that chooses *you*. Those are the ones to pursue...and forget about the ones that treat you with indifference. It is good advice.

I didn't! I found that it proposed a strict set of gender-based rules to follow, which seemed extremely sexist. These three male authors were well-intentioned and intelligent (although I didn't appreciate them reminding me constantly that they were "professional men," as if to imply that some redneck, beer guzzling lowlife from the trailer park might not have the same expectations for women!)

To be fair, Brad, Chris, and Rich are bright guys who were being honest and trying to give women the best advice possible, so that we can eliminate the wrong men from our lives, and cultivate the right ones. My problem with their advice is that they want women to accept men just the way they are even if that means that women have to play Barbie to get their Ken.

To recap some of the tips in this book, women are told not to ask a man out for a first date, not to use profanity initially, not to get too heavy or intense in terms of discussing politics or disagreeing with a man, or confiding one's life history, not to sleep with a man too soon, and not to call him that frequently. Women are also not expected to pay for the dates, although it's considered polite and generous if women offer to pay for a taxi or a round of drinks by the second or third date.

How does this advice differ from what mothers told their daughters 50 years ago? Oh, okay -- it's permissible to sleep with a guy somewhere around the fifth date. DUH!!!

The whole concept of being someone other than who you are in order to "capture" a man, who will invariably discover that you are another person three months later, is so revolting. Now, I'm not prone to sleeping with a total stranger, using a steady stream of expletives with someone that I don't know, or telling a brand new person that there is mental illness in my family. However, I need to be myself! I don't want to catch or capture anything, especially a person. I like to envision men just the way I view females -- I don't want to "get" one. I want to find and be with a guy who likes me for myself.

However, the very worst part of this book is that I suspect that most of what they said is true!@! That's what makes it depressing. Earlier this month, I read He's Just Not That Into You. I was prepared to hate that book BUT I loved it! Liz and Greg were so funny that it helped to cushion the hard truths. They were also more homey or earthy -- I'm not sure what it was but I found it easier to relate to them than to these three guys, possibly because Liz and Greg did not repeatedly remind me of their professional status.

Having said that, Liz and Greg made wild generalizations, which Rich, Chris and Brad did not make. The latter acknowledged all kinds of different reasons why a man may not contact a woman after their first date or meeting, why he may bail at some point in the relationship or fail to commit. To Liz and Greg, there was only one explanation -- he just wasn't into you. Like Liz and Greg, these three guys truly cared about helping women to find the right mate. Their heart is in the right place.

After reading these two books, I've decided not to read any more self-help books about the sexes! Ideally, I would like to be myself and to treat the men in my life exactly the same way that I treat the women. But realistically, I realize that by doing so I may alienate some good guys. It's a hard judgment call to make. I don't understand why men can accept the fact that women sit on the Supreme Court, operate in hospitals, and fly airplanes but those same competent and ambitious gals are not supposed to ask a man out on a date! Sad commentary.

Sigrid Mac

I wonder if this book should have been entitled "Scared Gay" & used as recruiting propaganda by the Lesbian Avengers. If not, the L.A.'s should give it a thought, as this book makes heterosexuality for women out to be something like God's curse on Eve. It manages to bash men in a way that would make Andrea Dworkin proud. Men are shallow, selfish, lying, manipulative & deceitful, according to this "book". What is unfortunate is that some young women are going to read it, take it seriously & think this is what all men are really like. This book should have been titled "What Spoiled, Shallow, Arrogant, New York City Yuppies Want In A Woman - And Why They'll Never Find Her." Take heart. There are many kind, decent men out there who want commitment & marriage & aren't looking for a breathing Barbie doll - but you're darn well not likely to find 'em in a yuppie bar, ladies! "Momma, don't let your babies grow up to marry lawyers..."

It seems the poor reviews are from women and the good reviews are from men. I just read this book while sitting in Barnes & Noble (I could not find "How to Marry the Man of Choice" because it apparently keeps selling out!).

I must admit that many of the "Are you a 'good for now' girl" questions were VERY eye-opening. Many of them fit the exact relationship that I am trying to figure out. Yes, much of this book was common sense, but very refreshing to hear three men just come out and say it.

If you are stuggling with where your relationship is and where it is going, this book will give you plenty to THINK ABOUT. Every relationship is different and generalizations can be very dangerous.

I say, read with a grain of salt and use it like you would use Cliff Notes, as a supplement only. Focus on the person.

This book is great if you really want your relationship to consist of responding to every irrational whim of your mate, dress like (and look like) a barbie doll, and not have any opinions or needs of your own. If you thrive on relationships where you are not valued and are relegated to the role of trophy, I guess this is the book for you. If you want to develop a somewhat healthy relationship with equity, I would look elsewhere.

This book makes you want to jump off a building rather than get into a relationship. Three professional men reveal the secret we have all been waiting for: men only like beautiful,less than brilliant women who are sexually gifted and offer them the ability to cheat at will. Skip this book and save your money. Read something by John Gray (Men are from Mars) or Harville Hendricks (Finding the Love you Want, Keeping the Love you find) instead. By the way...this book is written by a lawyer...not a relationship expert.

Big deal, so these men have a "extensive CD collections" and fancy degrees (as they REPEATEDLY remind us). What they don't have is any moral depth whatsoever.

I'm not upset by the information contained in the book, just completely turned off by the shallowness, materialism and "we are the greatest catches in the history of dating" tone of the authors. Give us a break and get some humility, guys.

Sincerely,

A professional woman who owns a mere 16 CDs.

This book is so bad it can not be rated. The entire book is three New York men telling women why men do what they do and to just suck it up. Men cheat - deal with it. Men just want sex - live with it. Men will ask for your phone number without any intention of calling - get over it. And let's not forget what men want....Men want to watch sports while you sit quietly next them. Men want you to be considerate and nice. Men want you to boost their ego. Men want to keep a little black book. Men want you to perform oral sex. Men want, men want, men want.... And let's not forget about man's fear of rejection - boo hoo. It is no wonder these guys are single - they are pathetic losers.

Written by three smarmy yuppies, the type of "eligible" men loved by parents who are more concerned about appearances than their kids' well-being, What Men Want is the perfect guide for desperate single ladies with no self-esteem on how to attract the respectable, well-to-do alpha male their mommies and daddies always wanted for them.

A lot of the things this book says apply to men in general, like "men like it when women take the initiative." These things are simple common sense; stuff most people already know. And a lot of them are perfectly reasonable; except for the attitude that's OK for men to cheat but not women. But the authors emphasize that this is a book about what "professional" men want. So What Men Want should be re-titled "What Yuppie Alpha Males Want."

According to the three authors, yuppie alpha males prefer an attractive woman over a smart, successful woman, that she be "intelligent, but not too brainy," and that she gives good head, among other things. In other words, she must look good and be smart to play the role of trophy wife, but not too smart so that she becomes less stereotypical or - God forbid! - wises up and sees how trite, self-absorbed, and shallow her yuppie man really is.

Written for insecure, naive women, this book is the standard guide on to keep your yuppie man by hiding your true self and being a bimbo who is just as superficial as he is. Also perfect for gold-diggers.

The "Scared Straight" for the dating set.

I found this book excellent, on point and, as would be expected with the no-holds barred honesty, very disheartening. I think these professionals (gotta love these guys for still glowing with pride over their recent job statuses) left some important areas out. For instance, that they didn't address an obvious gut response many women will probably have, i.e., uck- why bother, was curious to me. It therefore gave me pause as to the reliability of their authority as I got a sense that there is a fair amount of naivete or perhaps unexamined assumptions at work in the authors' (and the men they were describing) perspectives.

I know too that men are trustworthy, vulnerable, need emotional attachments and that the ones who least embody the attitudes described in the book are simply the best lovers. And companions.

I am 40 and think that this book is amazingly valuable and accurate for women 35 and under (roughly speaking). Highly recommend it for younger women dating younger men,especially those just starting the dating process. I feel it doesn't apply AS much once men grow up a little more. It was however very refreshing and could provide a necessary reality check for women of all ages. Congrats on your book, fellas.