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To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers [Kindle Edition]

Suzanne Weber
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.00
Kindle Price: $10.38
You Save: $5.62 (35%)
Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc

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Book Description

 Q: How do you breed contempt?
A: Have a baby.


 Hey. It’s me. Your baby. Let me say, first off, that I love you. I do. You’re a great parent. You do a lot of things right. I know how devoted you are to me and how invested you are in hitting this whole parenting thing out of the playground. Okay. Now that I’ve given you the validation I know you need, let’s get a few things clear . . .

I’m not as innocent as you think I am. You don’t realize it because you’re blinded by my sweet good looks, but I am aware of way more than I can convey. I feel more than I can express. I have more going on in my soft, little baby brain than you could possibly imagine. Until now. The book you’re holding finally reveals the complexities and nuances of my life so far. From my point of view.

Unapologetic.

Unplugged.

Unswaddled.

Be warned . . . it’s not always adorable.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Twisted, clever and hilarious. I laughed out loud on every single page. You'll never look at your child the same way again." —Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay



"Brilliant." —Redbook

Review

“Twisted, clever and hilarious. I laughed out loud on every single page. You'll never look at your child the same way again." —Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay



"Brilliant." —Redbook


Product Details

  • File Size: 2289 KB
  • Print Length: 112 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books; 1 edition (April 10, 2012)
  • Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005GG0LMK
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #844,541 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Hilarious April 14, 2012
By J. Hart
Format:Hardcover
I loved Suzanne Weber when she wrote as Anita Liberty in her three previous volumes of poetry. How to Heal the Hurt by Hating should be required reading for every woman getting over a jerk, wait, make that every woman. Now she turns her lens on childhood and all the hell we (hopefully inadvertently) put our kids through, of course with all the best intentions. A perfect baby shower present, this is required reading for new, and continuing, parents.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Child's Garden of Versus (Wickedly Funny) April 11, 2012
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Poet Weber may sound ornery and ungrateful, but this volume could well be be the most empathetic volume of verse ever written. It takes the young child's point of view, which is mainly that parents are often silly, often stumbling and sometimes more than a wee bit out of touch with wee ones. I am not sure who will get more pleasure out of this volume, those of us who have been infants? Parents? Or those who witness, mouth agape, other parents struggle with the mysteries of the humankind's most shared, and most daunting task: tending to a baby. I laughed all through this book, but don't know if it because it conjures up my deep suppressed memories as an infant, or embarrassment as as a parent. Then again, I cannot rule out it might just be because the author and conceit are so darn whacky and right on. Brava Suzanne Weber! Can't wait to give this out at the next baby shower (which I was dreading). The reading will begin just after the oohs and ahhs stop following the ribbons and lace. No pacifiers please. This book is for howling.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Love Those Little Wretches! April 12, 2012
Format:Hardcover
This book is full of funny and real poetry and ponderings that our babies would say if they could talk to us - musings about mommy and me classes, why they might like your iPhone better than you, how they can't stand that big blue ball you shove up their nose to clear out the mucus, and even why the television is a win-win for the both of you.

These are laugh-out-loud poems to share with your mommy friends - even if your mommy friends have kids who are as old as my kids now - I cracked up reading this book and remembering the "good old days" when my babies were little.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Parents have had it coming for years.... March 13, 2014
By Mary
Format:Kindle Edition
and now the best (and only!) volume of in-your-face revenge poetry for the littlies is finally here. You knew her as Anita Liberty in her previous works, including How to Heal the Hurt by Hating. Now writing under her real name of Suzanne Weber, her signature style is in top form here as she delves into the home truths all our munchkins would say, if only they could. Suzanne is the voice for the pre-lingual amongst us, sharing important information and advice to all new parents. An ideal shower gift, but its universal appeal makes it a must-have for any bookshelf. If your children are older, you'll be kicking yourself that you didn't have this important information when it mattered most. Two slobbery thumbs way up.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I have to laugh at the negative reviews of this absolutely hysterical book. They are clearly written by people who would need a tractor to pull a needle out of their butts. Does something have to have foul language to be humorous? Not necessarily. But in this book,it works. It TOTALLY works. I was doubled over in the bookstore reading this, tears rolling down my cheeks. It's witty, spot on and simply side-splittingly funny. I add it to baby gifts for all of our friends and family who have wicked senses of humor and don't take themselves too seriously. And as great of a baby gift as it makes, it's even BETTER for seasoned pro parents who have been there, done that and "get it". Definitely give it to mom and dad at baby's 1st birthday.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious! January 9, 2014
By jmom735
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Got this for a friend and she loved it. My sister got the same book and she loved it as well.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Required read for new parents January 8, 2014
By john t
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Anyone who has children can relate to these humorous POV remarks from a newborn baby! Funny and sarcastic...I loved it!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars From the mouths of babes... October 15, 2013
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Just when I think the comedy can't continue (because I may overindulge) Suzanne Weber finishes her poems with a healthy dose of what it means to be human and a valuable life lesson here and there that will linger with the adult.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Unnecessarily vulgar language
Maybe Suzanne Weber imagines that her baby girl talks to her using the F word in every other sentence (often capitalised as well), but mine certainly wouldn't.... Read more
Published 8 months ago by LJ
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book
The trials of being the parents of a newborns can stunt your sense of humor. This wonderful book shows life from the infants point of view. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Nancy Carter
1.0 out of 5 stars Pales in Comparison to The Honest Toddler
The The Honest Toddler is much better. This lacks the wit and originality of Laditan's twitter feed. Read more
Published 16 months ago by E. Elizabeth
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious!
Loved reading this. It used to sit on our coffee table and any parent who picked it up got a good laugh. Would be a great gift for a new mom or a mom to be!
Published 19 months ago by MinnieK
5.0 out of 5 stars Take the bitter with the sweet
Suzanne Weber's revenge poetry tugs on the heartstrings with one hand and goes for the jugular with the other. So entertaining--and complicated, just like babies.
Published 22 months ago by Peyton Price
2.0 out of 5 stars "The Honest Toddler" With Less Humor, Foul Language
Wow. This had potential to be screamingly funny. And many parts are, if you look past the language. One doesn't need it in order to be falling-over relatable and funny. Read more
Published 23 months ago by WebGirlie
5.0 out of 5 stars oh so true
To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlersthis book is so hilarious. Read more
Published on June 12, 2012 by Linda Hamley
5.0 out of 5 stars LOL
For every mother, this is a gift of great proportions. Looking at parents through the eyes of the baby is quite humorous and even a little bittersweet at times. Read more
Published on June 3, 2012 by Ellie Jo
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More About the Author

Well hello there. I am Suzanne Weber. I am also Anita Liberty. As Anita, I wrote 3 books: HOW TO HEAL THE HURT BY HATING, HOW TO STAY BITTER THROUGH THE HAPPIEST TIMES OF YOUR LIFE and THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE (YEP, THAT WOULD BE ME). But then I wrote a book using my given name. It's called: TO WHAT MISERABLE WRETCHES HAVE I BEEN BORN? Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers.

I created the character of Anita Liberty as a performance piece and got folded into the alternative comedy scene in New York City, performing alongside such comic luminaries as Marc Maron, Todd Barry, Amy Poehler, Janine Garofalo, Greg Proops and the Sklar Brothers. But what I really wanted to do was write. Books. And television pilots. And that's what I've been doing for that past decade or so. I was born and raised in Brooklyn and Manhattan, but now I live out in Los Angeles. And I'm really enjoying it. Especially the weather. And I'm not going to apologize for that. You can't make me.

I've done a lot of other stuff, but maybe, if you're that interested, you should check out my website at www.iamsuzanneweber.com or like me on facebook as either Suzanne Weber or Anita Liberty or follow either or both of my twitter accounts, @iamsuzanneweber @anitaliberty. I'm also on Instagram (@iamsuzanneweber) and Pinterest (iamsuzanneweber), but I stopped using Pinterest once I pinned a baby bunny that I said I liked looking at almost as much as I like looking at Timothy Olyphant and that's gotten repinned 98 times and I don't know how to process that.

That's a lot of info to throw at you. But what else were you gonna do today? It can wait.


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