To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers [Hardcover]

Suzanne Weber (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 10, 2012

 Q: How do you breed contempt?

A: Have a baby.

 Hey. It’s me. Your baby. Let me say, first off, that I love you. I do. You’re a great parent. You do a lot of things right. I know how devoted you are to me and how invested you are in hitting this whole parenting thing out of the playground. Okay. Now that I’ve given you the validation I know you need, let’s get a few things clear . . .

I’m not as innocent as you think I am. You don’t realize it because you’re blinded by my sweet good looks, but I am aware of way more than I can convey. I feel more than I can express. I have more going on in my soft, little baby brain than you could possibly imagine. Until now. The book you’re holding finally reveals the complexities and nuances of my life so far. From my point of view.

Unapologetic.

Unplugged.

Unswaddled.

Be warned . . . it’s not always adorable.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Twisted, clever and hilarious. I laughed out loud on every single page. You'll never look at your child the same way again." —Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

"Brilliant." —Redbook

About the Author

Suzanne Weber is best known for creating, performing, and writing as the character Anita Liberty, a performance poet who achieves notoriety by devoting her entire career to humiliating her jerk of an ex-boyfriend in public. A native New Yorker, Weber currently resides in Los Angeles where she writes books, television pilots, Facebook status updates, tweets, and her daughter’s second-grade homework.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 112 pages
• Publisher: Atria Books; 1 edition (April 10, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1451660650
• ISBN-13: 978-1451660654
• Product Dimensions: 7.7 x 5.8 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #559,720 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Well hello there. I am Suzanne Weber. I am also Anita Liberty. As Anita, I wrote 3 books: HOW TO HEAL THE HURT BY HATING, HOW TO STAY BITTER THROUGH THE HAPPIEST TIMES OF YOUR LIFE and THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE (YEP, THAT WOULD BE ME). But now I have a new book coming out (which is, ostensibly, why you're here checking out my Author Page) and it's called: TO WHAT MISERABLE WRETCHES HAVE I BEEN BORN? Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers. This most recent one is being published under my given name and I feel okay about that.

I created the character of Anita Liberty as a performance piece and got folded into the alternative comedy scene in New York City, performing alongside such comic luminaries as Marc Maron, Todd Barry, Amy Poehler, Janine Garofalo, Greg Proops and the Sklar Brothers. But what I really wanted to do was write. Books. And television pilots. And that's what I've been doing for that past decade or so. I was born and raised in Brooklyn and Manhattan, but now I live out in Los Angeles. And I'm really enjoying it. Especially the weather. And I'm not going to apologize for that. You can't make me.

I've done a lot of other stuff, but maybe, if you're that interested, you should check out my website at www.iamsuzanneweber.com or like me on facebook as either Suzanne Weber or Anita Liberty or follow either or both of my twitter accounts, @iamsuzanneweber @anitaliberty. That's a lot of info to throw at you. But what else were you gonna do today? It can wait.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Hilarious April 14, 2012

By J. Hart

Format:Hardcover

I loved Suzanne Weber when she wrote as Anita Liberty in her three previous volumes of poetry. How to Heal the Hurt by Hating should be required reading for every woman getting over a jerk, wait, make that every woman. Now she turns her lens on childhood and all the hell we (hopefully inadvertently) put our kids through, of course with all the best intentions. A perfect baby shower present, this is required reading for new, and continuing, parents.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Child's Garden of Versus (Wickedly Funny) April 11, 2012

By Ted Fishman

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Poet Weber may sound ornery and ungrateful, but this volume could well be be the most empathetic volume of verse ever written. It takes the young child's point of view, which is mainly that parents are often silly, often stumbling and sometimes more than a wee bit out of touch with wee ones. I am not sure who will get more pleasure out of this volume, those of us who have been infants? Parents? Or those who witness, mouth agape, other parents struggle with the mysteries of the humankind's most shared, and most daunting task: tending to a baby. I laughed all through this book, but don't know if it because it conjures up my deep suppressed memories as an infant, or embarrassment as as a parent. Then again, I cannot rule out it might just be because the author and conceit are so darn whacky and right on. Brava Suzanne Weber! Can't wait to give this out at the next baby shower (which I was dreading). The reading will begin just after the oohs and ahhs stop following the ribbons and lace. No pacifiers please. This book is for howling.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Love Those Little Wretches! April 12, 2012

By Manic Mom VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover

This book is full of funny and real poetry and ponderings that our babies would say if they could talk to us - musings about mommy and me classes, why they might like your iPhone better than you, how they can't stand that big blue ball you shove up their nose to clear out the mucus, and even why the television is a win-win for the both of you.

These are laugh-out-loud poems to share with your mommy friends - even if your mommy friends have kids who are as old as my kids now - I cracked up reading this book and remembering the "good old days" when my babies were little.