What Not to Name Your Baby [Paperback]

Joe Borgenicht (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 1, 2005

They are hard to escape, these days, the names that will cause numerous hardships in the playground. From the pop star wannabees (Courtney, Kylie, Britney), through locations (China, Brooklyn), passing by the shops (Timberland, Armani), along the hippy trail (Leaf, Sunset, Pagan) to those heading for trouble (Romeo, Chastity) the inspirations for baby names are countless. Parents looking for novelty might turn to famous sidekicks (Tonto, Garfunkel) or indeed dictators (Saddam, Benito) before settling on a name that sounds normal but is damn tricky to spell (Kaycee, Genni, Jho). Joe Borgenicht offers nearly 1500 names which absolutely, positively, cannot be used for a child. With the help of WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR BABY, readers are less likely to have their children resent them - well, okay, that's a stretch - but at least the parents can say they tried.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Author Joe Borgenicht doesn't reveal here what he chose to name his son, but you can bet it's not Eubie, Ralph, or Boris. He's right on target when he says parents ought to find the name "that the fewest number of school children could potentially make fun of," and his guidelines are simple. Among them: don't use "clevur speling," avoid naming your kid after the lead character from a blockbuster film, and designate the names of cities and states for maps only. It's not a perfect baby-shower gift for everyone, as he mentions plenty of names that unfortunately rhyme with anatomical parts usually heard only in sex-ed classes. And some of his advice is utterly subjective: the name "Ethan," in his opinion, evokes the image of "a thick sweater-wearing, curly-haired college kid who smokes a lot of pot." But the list of more than 1,000 names to avoid is worth plenty of chuckles, and may save your offspring from 85 or so years of embarrassment. Sure, those pregnancy hormones are powerful, but they needn't be responsible for a lifetime of suffering on the part of your child. --Erica Jorgensen --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

'What Not to Name your Baby offers a little light relief to the serious business of choosing a name for your baby' I'm Pregnant magazine October issue 'This book fascinated me' Families' magazine September issue

Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (August 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416511245
• ISBN-13: 978-1416511243
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5.1 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,987,617 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars New Parents Must Read!, December 15, 2011

By 

Dana "Dana" (SC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: What Not to Name Your Baby (Paperback)

Wonderful book - it's mean to be tongue-in-cheek (I think) but it makes a lot of valid points. Every new parent thinking of names for their bundle of joy needs to read this book and take notes!

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great gift for the parents-to-be, July 18, 2008

By 

S. LaLiberte (New Hampshire, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: What Not to Name Your Baby (Paperback)

Everyone has an opinion on baby names. This is a great shower gift for the parents-to-be to make them laugh! It was fun to just read through and compare the descriptions of names with people we actually knew! An enjoyable fun read.

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Every future parent NEEDS to read this book!, November 18, 2009

By 

Jason (Funkytown) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: What Not to Name Your Baby (Paperback)

First and foremost, if you named your kid Tristen, just stop reading. That is easily one of the stupidest names on the planet, and if you don't agree then you simply will not understand this book.

With that out of the way, this book is a necessity. It is as needed as a air and blood. With the ever-increasing population paired with the plummetting intelligence, our population is well on its way to Idiocracy. One of the most obvious signs of this impending demise is the number of crotch droppings who are given increasingly stupid names, and the mouth-breathing parents who breed (Why is it the complete morons who have the most children?). Ignore the books that provide a list of 100,000 names and the lame, archaic meanings. THIS is the definitive guide to ensuring your kid doesn't get tortured semi-regularly while growing up - for the name only, because raising a doofus is on you.

As a general rule, this book instructs soon-to-be parents not to name their kids based on a set of guidelines. Several areas are discussed; for instance, don't name kids after cars, designer products, alcohol, and locations. This is obvious; and statistically, 95% of girls with names in these categories end up being strippers, prostitutes, or vagrants. These are facts, people.

Additionally, naming your child after gangsters, outlaws, serial killers, and criminals is discouraged unless you'd like to find your head in a burlap sack as soon as your child can reach the designer, wooden knife holder on the countertop. There are better ways to experience your child's journey through adolescence than worrying about whether or not your precious little Ted Bundy can figure out the three-digit combination on your gun safe.
Selecting an androgynous for your child is not something the writers of this fine book advise against. Saddling your kid with a Gale, Kelly, Kerry, Jodie, or Jamie is an almost guaranteed method of ensuring beatings, and selecting one of these names is ill-advised. You may as well put a sign that says, "Punch Me" on their back as you send them to school each day.

There are several other handy guides and lists within the 100+ pages of this book (i.e. popular songs, infamous world leaders, naming for amusement). I read somewhere that scientists have proven naming your child Ursula increases the likelihood of childhood obesity, and superfulously adding a `y' to your kid's name or purposely misspelling it doesn't make the name unique; it makes the name, and you, stupid.

It is my utmost wish future parents take the responsibility of naming their children seriously and avoid the pitfalls of the morons who get the name ideas from Entertainment Weekly and celebrity advice (Apple? Rumer? Phoenix Chi? Seriously?). Remember, Vanessa Diane Carrier sounds like a great name, but it doesn't take long for some enterprising smart alec with a quick wit to use the initials from the first two names to give your child a nickname, and nightmares for years to come.