What No One Tells the Bride: Surviving the Wedding, Sex After the Honeymoon, Second Thoughts, Wedding Cake Freezer Burn, Becoming Your Mother, Screaming about Money, Screaming about In-Laws, etc. [Paperback]

Marg Stark (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Stark (Timeless Healing, LJ 5/15/96) has written a readable self-help guide for brides-to-be and newlyweds who are trying to adjust to this often anxiety-ridden passage in life and to solve the consequent identity crisis. Chapters touch on wedding postpartum, handling money squabbles, falling prey to stereotypes, timing pregnancies, and communication and criticism in a marriage. The text is interspersed with comments from the 50 (mostly white, middle-class) women whom Stark surveyed and interviewed. The result is a "feel good" book whose aim is to reassure newlyweds that their fears and anxieties are normal. Much of it reads like a woman's magazine article, offering somewhat simplistic advice: "breath deeply, and believe that your venture into love will succeed." But Stark does have a clear, readable style and a reassuring sincerity in drawing from her own life as well as others. A bibliography of about 14 books (mostly other self-help books) follows the text. Recommended for public libraries.AAnn Babits Grice, East Brunswick P.L., NJ
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1st edition (May 27, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 078688262X
• ISBN-13: 978-0786882625
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (92 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #334,525 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

98 of 101 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If You're *Even Thinking* About Marriage, Read This Book, May 29, 2001

By 

njbookworm (New Jersey) - See all my reviews

This review is from: What No One Tells the Bride: Surviving the Wedding, Sex After the Honeymoon, Second Thoughts, Wedding Cake Freezer Burn, Becoming Your Mother, Screaming about Money, Screaming about In-Laws, etc. (Paperback)

I purchased this book on the recommendation of my best friend (a newlywed) when my boyfriend and I started preliminary discussions about "the future." A fiercely independent, practical, 25 year-old, I was looking for some insight into the feelings, worries, and expectations associated with early engagement and marriage. I was amazed by this book. Thank goodness for Marg Stark!

Stark's insightful, frank text is intended for female newlyweds, brides-to-be, or women considering "taking the plunge" who want to get some insight into the ups and downs of marriage. Written from the perspective of Stark (a writer/newlywed) and based on interviews with 50+ recently married woman, this book covers everything from mourning the loss of singlehood, to addressing and overcoming the money/power dynamic, to finding fulfillment in sharing your life with another person - while still maintaining your independence.

So many books out there are about "Planning Your Dream Wedding." However, this book gracefully avoids talk of wedding (except in two of the early chapters), instead concentrating on the time after the honeymoon.

Engagement and marriage is a difficult time. Not only must a bride deal with the pressure of a wedding, but also the joy/dramas associated with sharing her life with someone else. Often times, this happens at the same time a bride is trying to earn a living, raise children, go to school, find a new apartment, etc. With each chapter, Stark chips away the stereotypes associated with brides and marriage. Brides don't have to plaster on a smile all the time just because they're told that "this is the happiest time of your life." Marriage can be fun and sexy.

Also, the book carefully avoids the declarative feel of a "how to" book. Stark simply shares her observations and leaves it up to you to make the decisions. You'll put down the book feeling like you just had a conversation with a sage, understanding friend over a steaming latte.

Here are a few notes:

- Both the author and the majority of the brides she interviewed are college-educated, 23-33 year-old professionals. That being the case, the content is skewed to that particular demographic.

- Stark uses many anecdotes from her own life (and that of her husband Duke) to illustrate her points. I found this engaging and enlightening. Some may find it repetitive and biased.

- The book is content-rich with well organized chapters. Readers can easily go back to re-read sections that interest them. (However, I strongly recommend reading it cover to cover.)

- This makes an excellent bridal shower gift.

This is not a book to miss. Highly recommended.

99 of 109 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars What Have You Done For Me Lately!, September 30, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: What No One Tells the Bride: Surviving the Wedding, Sex After the Honeymoon, Second Thoughts, Wedding Cake Freezer Burn, Becoming Your Mother, Screaming about Money, Screaming about In-Laws, etc. (Paperback)

This book is Horrible Advice for young women who are honestly seeking reassurance during an incredibly stressful time. I believe this book does a grave disservice to young women by making it cute to be a spoiled brat. Stark goes on and on about the difficulty of letting go of her wonderfully exciting single life but it is her husband, Duke, who turns out to be the exemplary character in the book. Duke is the voice of calm and reason to the author's selfish whining.

The worst part is when Stark explains that one bride's way of dealing with pre-wedding jitters was to have a "fling." What Stark calls a "fling," most normal people call adultery. (And I'm not religious or conservative.) Any half-baked marriage counselor can tell you that having an affair can be disastrous for a relationship. It gets worse: "To this day, her husband does not know about the fling" ( p.48).

After that brilliant piece of advice, I didn't have a shred of faith in this author and could not continue reading this book. If you're nervous in anticipation of your wedding, Good! It's an important, exciting time!

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Gift For All Brides and Newlyweds, March 16, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: What No One Tells the Bride: Surviving the Wedding, Sex After the Honeymoon, Second Thoughts, Wedding Cake Freezer Burn, Becoming Your Mother, Screaming about Money, Screaming about In-Laws, etc. (Paperback)

I received this book as a gift before I got married almost two years ago and I have not seen anything quite like it since then. It is humor-filled and easy to read. A welcome distraction from the stress of planning a wedding. It is a great book for newly engaged or newly married women. When I got married, many of my friends had already taken the plunge. They all acted as if life was a fairytale and gave me no warning that my trip down the aisle would be anything but perfect and blissful. By reading this book I came to understand that weddings and marriage are just like anything else in life - there are bound to be some problems, but you can work through them and they don't have to ruin all the wonderful things about getting married. Understanding that made it much easier to deal with. This book demystifies the engagement and wedding and the early years of marriage. By reading this book I was comforted in knowing that I was not alone in some of my experiences. I never had any doubt that I wanted to marry my husband but reading this book was helpful because I was able to relax and let go of some of my anxiety about marriage. Many phenomena that were confusing to me were explained in this book in an easy to understand and humorous way. Marg also gives some great, simple and common-sense advice about beginning a marriage that everyone can use. My husband also found comfort in many of the book's revelations.

The author's experience was as an independent, older bride, however, much of her advice and information is relevant to brides of all ages and backgrounds. Many younger brides (like me and most of my friends) who may be idealistic about weddings and marriage and have unrealistic expectations will be better prepared to deal with unexpected but inevitable problems they will face during this period in their life. The book will reassure them that what they are going through is normal, and will help them focus on the really important thing - their love for their fiance/husband and the lifelong relationship they are building together. I have been waiting to be able to buy this book for my few friends who have not yet gotten hitched. I am excited to be giving it as a gift this week.