Customer Reviews

What Remains: A Memoir of Fate, Friendship, and Love

5 star:		(99)
4 star:		(44)
3 star:		(13)
2 star:		(11)
1 star:		(14)

 

 

4.5 stars
"Orson Wells said to Gore Vidal once, in an interview about a movie he was writing, 'if you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop your story'". Carole Radziwell begins her book with this quote and understands this all too well. Her book is such a story about love and loss and recovery.

Carole DiFalco lived and grew up in Suffern, New York, 40 odd miles from New York City, but it was a lifetime away in reality. She had a proper childhood and grew up in a close knit family; they all loved to cook and loved their grandmother, the center of the family. At the age of 19, Carole realized she needed to move on with her life and took a job at "ABC News". This job led her to many adventures in Cambodia, Tel Aviv, and Saigon. As she worked her way up the ladder to Assistant Producer, she felt more comfortable with herself and her life. She was sent to California to work on the Mendoza murder trials ,and there she met the love of her life, Anthony Radziwell. Anthony also worked for ABC, and they started a romance that built slowly over a couple of years. At last they realized they were in love and Anthony proposed.

Moving into the whirl of the Radziwell family was no small feat. This is a large family with close connections to everything and everybody. Carole's mother-in-law, Lee Radziwell, was the sister of Jackie Kennedy, and was once married to a Polish Prince. Anthony's closest and best friend was John Kennedy Jr., and his girlfriend and then wife, Carolyn, became Carole's closest friend. Carole and Carolyn felt a kinship, outsiders in this famous family, and slowly they began to find a place in the family. There are several references to the difficulty of living within the social whirl for both Carole and Carolyn. The center of Carole's universe, Anthony finds a large "lump" on his abdomen several months before they were married. This bump turns out to be a sarcoma, a cancer. There are many surgeries and over the five years of their marriage, much of it is spent in hospitals, clinics and/or gathering information about the new and next therapies. Carole develops the role of organizer, and it is she who leads the troops to win over the cancer. Anthony is the unwilling participant, and the rest of the family supports them both but play parts in the periphery. Carolyn Kennedy becomes the friend Carole Radziwell needs. She is there to offer comfort and solace and to bring a little life into the depressive life of those who have or care for someone with metastasic cancer. We see the love that John Jr and Carolyn have for each other.

Of course we all know the ending. The tragic airplane crash of Carolyn, her sister,Lauren, and John Kennedy, and then the death of Anthony two weeks later. The time of mourning and the slow recovery are explored. Carole Radziwell relays a little of the life of the Kennedy's, but not in a "gossipy" manner, but that of the emotional roller coaster that entails her life. Such an inspiring story, sure to hit the chord of anyone who has gone through the hard times in life. She gives us a first hand account of the loves and losses we all have in our life. She has a gift of a true writer and has shown us her deep insights.

"Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own". Seneca

Highly recommended. prisrob

I bought this book in an airport because of the cover. The cover photo is one I have in my bedroom. I was in a huge hurry to get a book for the plane ride and I didn't notice the author's name particularly.

I read the entire book on that plane ride and it was an out of body experience for me because I have just recently finished helping my sister die. The book reviewer who treated it as though it were a "Kennedy" book disguised as a memoir and alluded that she was somehow capitalizing on a famous name to sell a book obviously isn't in this club that I now live in. Grief is a horrific world. It's the story of your life and I think she had to tell it to survive.

First of all, it's well written (no joke, the woman is a journalist---they practice the craft daily). This reviewer claims the book is "padded" with her childhood experiences. Excuse me, it's a memoir ! ! ! Childhood MEMORIES are not padding in a MEMOIR. The fact that her marriage -- to a person who is happens to be the maternal cousin of John Kennedy---dominates the book is because that was the biggest "story" in her life. So, naturally, a good writer of a MEMOIR will emphasize the biggest story of their life. And, it's not the biggest story of her life because he had a famous name. It's the biggest story of her life because her husband was handed a death sentence and she had to help him live knowing he was going to die.

This is NOT a "Kennedy" book (didn't know that was a category), it's a memoir that does a most excellent job of describing being in the inner circle of a young person who has been handed a death sentence. I know because I have lived it.

For this author it was her husband. For me, it was my younger sister who got her death sentence at 36. She was single and I "picked my role in the beginning" (a line from the book), I was going to manage it and fix it. Big sister that likes to research and take notes.

This book was a tremendous help to me as I was able to recognize some things and understand some of the things that happened to me. Helping someone die is an honor and it is a trauma and it was the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. My life will be forever defined by it and if I ever have occasion to write a memoir that experience would overshadow marriage, childbirth, career (or being married to someone famous which I'm not and won't but you get my point).

The fact that she was introduced to grief a few weeks before her husband dies (when she loses her best friend Carolyn Bissette Kennedy) is an unfathomable concept to me. I don't know how she survived that.

At any rate, those who are fascinated by the Kennedys will like it because you certainly get a great feel for John and Carolyn. I cried thoughout all Carolyn stories because she sounds so much like my sister who also had a "secret agent voice" calling me all the time "don't tell Mom and Dad, but I'm back in the country..."

My sister was also 5'11, but was referred to as a "six foot blonde". Charming and loving and fluttery long hands...

Anyone who reads this will adore Carolyn Bissette Kennedy.

But what I can't forgive the reviewer for is this bizarre reference to the cancer stuff (you know the pesky medical details that got in the way of voyuering on Kennedys) PLEASE.
I promise if I ever write a memoir there will be bone scan results verbatim.

In one passage the author describes the emotion she feels when a moron who doesn't notice they need assistance, hands her the hotel key and gives her directions to her room down a long, long hallway. Her husband is standing there and that long walk is going to be very painful, but he looks at her with that look that silently pleads for you not to embarrass him. "Don't make a scene, don't demand a closer room or a wheelchair".

You see, her husband was young and handsome and never got comfortable with being old and dying. Similarly, my sister was young and beautiful. She was used to stopping traffic, she certainly didn't like dying.

The author later talks about her resuce fantasies where she goes back and rescues him from that hallway walk that they took.

I have a rescue fantasy about a tarmac in Atlanta and I could see the wheelchairs parked way over by the terminal. It had taken her so long to descend the stairs to the tarmac and she knew I was loaded for bear and ready to bark orders and have someone trot one over to us. Her eyes said "don't do it"...I wish I could go back in time and rescue her from that long walk to the terminal.

So, obviously I identified with the book, but you don't have to have lived that to love this book. It's not a "Kennedy" book and it's not a "cancer" book. If anything it's a "grief" book or a "fate" book. Oh wait a minute, the author put it on the cover. It's a book about fate, friendship and love.

I live in NYC and bought (and read) this book the first day it came out. Of course, anyone with access to People magazine knows the rough outline of Ms. Radziwill's story, but what she does -- through her evocative memories -- is share a privileged glimpse of a couragous and ultimately sorrowful story. While it is said that some of the Kennedys are unhappy with her memoir, I completely disagree -- Ms. Radziwill's story of her love for her husband and the life they shared, and her friends John and Carolyn Kennedy, is her own. Because if one does not own their own story, what do they have?

Having said that, I am in awe of Ms. Radziwill's strength, and her courage. "What Remains" is a remarkable story of love and loss in the face of a world that will sometimes break your heart.

Finally, Ms. Radziwill is a hell of a writer. This book will be a classic. I hope she continues -- if I could, I would give the book ten stars.

Having watched a loved one die slowly of cancer, I had a visceral reaction to this terribly sad story of a young woman who meets the man of her dreams, through him meets the female friend of her heart, and does NOT live happily ever after. Because on the last day of their romantic honeymoon, the happy young couple finds a small lump on his abdomen...

I applaud the fact that the "Kennedy-ness" of this story takes a back seat. The young woman, Carole DeFalco, meets and marries Anthony Radziwill, son of Jacqueline Kennedy's sister Lee. And the friends of their heart are John F. Kennedy Jr. and his wife Carolyn. Is it really that important? These are people, with real feelings and real tragedies that no amount of fame and money can stop.

Unlike some other reviewers, I found Carole's description of her decidedly middle-class upbringing engaging, funny, and interesting. Yes, I got the point--she was not raised with a silver spoon in her mouth--but it did not offend me, rather it delighted me.

What really drew me in, though, was her unblinkingly honest tale of what it really feels like to have a loved one slowly eaten away by this vicious disease. You want to run; so did she. You nastily wish the sick person would just get it over with and die; so did she. You are in the depths of despair so deep that you don't even recognize your own depression; so was she. You feel overwhelming guilt for having any feelings of your own; so did she. You fight to be able to control the uncontrollable; so did she.

But right beside her, offering unconditional love, support, humor, fun, and above all, life, was her dear friend Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, and her irrascible husband John, who was raised with Anthony and considered him a brother. Just when Anthony is in his last horrible days of his disease, Carolyn and John are killed in that fateful plane crash. We get a behind-the-scenes view of the frantic phone calls, denial, anguish, and finally acceptance by their loved ones, including Carole, who, staying at the Kennedys' Martha's Vineyard house with her moribund husband, was the first to get the news that the plane was missing, and the first to make the horrible phone calls she had to make.

I found this book extremely powerful, well-written and moving, and well worth the read. And I applaud the bravery in writing it.

This book was one of the best I have ever read. The aspect that is most compelling is the way Carole shows the importance of friendship.

Anthony Radziwill, (JFK Jr.'s cousin) and his close relationship with John Jr. carried him through the toughest of times in his battle with cancer. John affectionately referred to Anthony as "TonyPro," and just when everyone, including the reader thinks Anthony will die, John takes him to a sacred time and place by humming a song that Jackie O. sang to them as children. Anthony, barely concious, hums the tune back with a faint smile. We know he will live a little bit longer.

However, the friendship that is most touching is that of Carole Radziwill (Anthony's wife and author of this book) and Carolyn Bisette Kennedy. What the public never saw about Carolyn was that she is the friend everyone longs to have. She is fun, thoughtful, reliable, and hysterically funny. She calls Carole "lamb" and rubs Anthony's feet when he is lying in the hospital with cancer. Carolyn gives away her possesions because she thinks they will look good on her friends. She says funny things like "Lamb you must get rid of those tapered jeans, or I'll have to ban you from the house! " Carolyn makes everything fun, including taking a trip to get tulips and eating spaghetti-O's right out of the can. Through Carole and Anthony's denial that he will die, Carolyn is the only one who notices exactly what Carole is going through. She is a devoted friend and she steps in to help Carole when she is needs it most.

When Carolyn was alive, she was portrayed poorly in the media because she did not like the publicity that marrying the man she loved brought to her life. This book shows the person that Carolyn really was, and it made me cry because she was lost too soon.

I admire Carole Radziwill for everything she endured. She is a beautiful person and author. I hope she has found comfort and is able to move on now that she has captured the part of her life she holds sacred so wonderfully. Carole wrote this book because she was worried that some of the memories were starting to fade. Now she can never forget the details and moments that were the best of her life.

If you value friendships, then this book will show how to value them even more. "What Remains" will also teach you through tradgedy that life really does happen in the moments and details that happen quickly, but mean so much.

What Remains after the core of your life is lost? What Remains after fate takes two of your closest friends in a freak accident and your husband dies of cancer all in one month? What Remains is, as always, the living - in this case Carole Radziwill. And the memories.

This is a story within a story. Set in the very public and prominent Kennedy clan's world, it is an honest view of globally recognizable figures - John Jr. and his wife Carolyn - and Carole's husband, Anthony - John's first cousin. There is no "dirt" here, rather a testament to their genuiness and compassion. You will connect with them in a real way, as real people, seeing them through the eyes of a friend - not with rose colored glasses either, but with clear glimpses into very personal moments only accessible to one so close, and those glimpses are very telling.

And yet, this is much more so a story of courage and the strength of the human spirit - the ability to realize a dream and the will to go on when one's world crumbles. It is a tale of one woman's hard work, risk, accomplishment and the consuming impact of terminal illness. A tale of improbable love and kinship, and the vagaries of fate - or chance. It is a Cinderella story with a very hard dose of reality thrown in - a bittersweet roller coaster ride. One that, regardless of setting and characters, would be both sad and inspiring - a valuable and rewarding read.

While reading the book, I saw Ms. Radziwill on Oprah being interviewed. She was asked a question about John and Carolyn Kennedy's marriage - it lead to whether they had sought marriage counseling. As with the entire story her answer was honest - she said they had - but insightful - she commented that sometimes people confuse `fact' with truth. She expounded - the fact was they had, but the truth was they loved each other and were working to strengthen their marriage.

The fact is Ms. Radziwill is a gifted, brutally honest and self-aware writer; the truth is she is what we all hope we would be both in realizing our potential and in confronting some of the most difficult losses imaginable. Her ordinary beginnings make you believe you just might be so. Man or woman - I highly recommend this book.

I never buy memoirs of those who knew famous people, most especially not of Princess Diana or the Kennedys. I consider such works to be taking unfair advantage of these tragic figures and an effort to make money in a distasteful way. But after seeing this author on several TV shows and hearing excerpts of the book, I bought it. I could not put it down. Carole DiFalco Radziwill does NOT pander to the gossip mongers and takes great care not to exploit her close relationships with those we know only from a distance. Her book is fascinating, VERY thought provoking and absolutely rivetting. She hit so close to home in many of her observations of people and how they react to pain and tragedy. She is unflinchingly honest about her own feelings and this makes the book even more heartbreaking. It left me wanting to know more details and what happened next to her and her in-laws, but feeling guilty for wanting a deeper peak into such personal lives. I highly recommend this book to one and all and hope it stirs as many personal insights as it did for me.

If you're a thinker and like to be pulled into a story, particularly a true one, this is really worth the time. The author doesn't just tell the typical chronological account of her life (which can be so boring - I started out a baby, blah, blah, blah) but rather embeds glances back in time at appropriate points to describe the rich tapestry that is her life. She uses amusing anecdotes and personal accounts of day to day life with JFK Jr, his wife Carolyn and her husband Anthony to allow you to relate to them in a way that "tell all" books (which are usually half BS anyway) don't. A very interesting view I've never seen in other accounts.

The thing I found most amazing is - when I bought the book, I thought I was going to read a story about a blue collar girl who gets all sorts of doors open for her by marrying into this famous family. Instead I was stunned by her accomplishments before she even met her husband. She put herself through college, started as an unpaid intern at ABC - became essentially a secretary and worked her way up to an Emmy award winning producer! She traveled alone to Cambodia in her 20's to interview the Khmer Rouge! Courage doesn't even come close to describing this. A very pleasant surprise in the book, and one that certainly made me respect the rest of what she was saying. Her accomplishments are uplifting and give credibility to her writing.

But at the end of the day this book is about the impact of death - anticipated death and sudden death. And I know how that feels. My father was about to die after a long illness and while certainly different than what happened to the author, I thought I had a support system in my healthy mother who I thought would live on. She went into a coma suddenly 1 week before my father died and she too died shortly thereafter. This is the first time that I have read a book that even comes close to describing the feelings and impact of dealing with long term illness (denial, guilt and much more) and the effect of losing the support system you thought you would have left.

She absolutely hits the nail on the head. We all have to deal with love, loss and what remains at some time in our lives. This book gives insight into that and it will make you appreciate whatever you have all the more.

I couldn't stop reading this book. I appreciated Carole Radziwill's honest description of the battle they fought with cancer...I was amazed at how many surgeries Anthony endured during the five years after he was diagnosed. After staying up until midnight to finish the book I went to bed with the overwhelming feeling that life is a gift and that at this moment there are so many ill people who would give anything to have the health and happiness that I am daily taking for granted.

It was so nice to see a depiction of Carolyn Bessette as a warm and funny human being. I've always thought there had to be so much more to her than the one-dimensional portrait the media gave us. There was no speculation on the state of her marriage with JFK, JR., and I respect that about the author.

Her stories about her career at ABC were fascinating. Clearly, her work life and marriage were such a contrast with her very humble upbringing. Despite her loyalty to Anthony, I sometimes got the impression that she wasn't sure that she wanted to be in the marriage...before he proposed, and then during it.

I also found her comments about Caroline Kennedy interesting...as if she did not care to reach out and develop relationships with Carole or Carolyn Bessette.

One of the more fascinating aspects of the book is how she has to fit in with the Radziwill family. And I found it interesting that after her marriage she makes little mention in the book of spending time with her own family.

Anyway, I do recommend this book. However, I took it back to the library right away today, because the story is so sad and I didn't want the book hanging around my house constantly reminding me of how your life can change in an instant.

Obviously many people must be reading this book if 70 have already reviewed it. Unlike some, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I found it to be thoughtful, touching and honest. I loved reading about Carole's blue-collar and colorful childhood, juxtaposed to the gentile lifestyle of the Kennedy-Radziwill clan. Although her intelligence seems to have helped Carole find her way in this world, she did not seem eminently at ease dwelling with the blue bloods. I had the sense that Carole walked a tightrope in writing this book. She had an obligation to be honest, without revealing too many intimate details of her relationship with her husband, or of the fiercely private family that she married into. I thought she accomplished this beautifully. I felt that I came away knowing things personal, without feeling like a complete voyeur. There was nothing sordid in this book. Even Carole's own revelations about wanting to escape from Anthony's illness struck me as purely honest. It would seem that readers and authors alike have problems admitting to even the smallest acts of selfishness. I would recommend this book to anyone having to deal with death or loss, both anticipated and unforeseen.