What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication [Paperback]

P.T. Judith Hanson Lasater Ph.D. (Author), Ike K. Lasater (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 2009

For yoga teacher Judith Hanson Lasater and her husband, mediator Ike K. Lasater, language is a spiritual practice based on giving and receiving with compassion. In What We Say Matters, they offer new and nurturing ways of communicating. Long-term students of yoga and Buddhism, the authors here blend the yoga principle of satya (truth) and the Buddhist precept of right speech with Marshall Rosenberg's groundbreaking techniques of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in a fresh formula for promoting peace at home, at work, and in the world. The authors offer practical exercises to help readers in any field learn to diffuse anger; make requests rather than demands or assign blame; understand the difference between feelings and needs; recognize how they strategize to get needs met; choose connection over conflict; and extend empathy to themselves and others.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Rodmell Press (October 1, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1930485247
• ISBN-13: 978-1930485242
• Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.4 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #158,532 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ike Lasater facilitates the resolution of conflicts, coaches people in conflict, and regularly teaches NVC mediation skills in Europe, Australia, Asia, and the U.S. He practiced trial law in San Francisco for 20 years and co-founded Banchero & Lasater, a 20-person law firm specializing in complex, multiparty commercial and environmental cases. He served for a number of years on the mediation panel for the United States District Court for the Northern District of California.

He has served on the board of directors for a number of organizations including the Center for Nonviolent Communication, the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California, and the Lawyers' Club of San Francisco. He also co-founded The Yoga Journal magazine. Though based in San Francisco for 35 years, Ike now lives in Poland. He has three adult children and one grandchild. To find out more about Ike's work, please visit http://wordsthatwork.us.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 30 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent October 31, 2009

By Tina

Format:Paperback

I love anything written by Judith Hanson Lasater and this book was a very pleasant surprise as it deals with a subject matter that I really read about - Empathy and nonviolent communication.

Ever since I have discovered yoga, I have also tried to listen more to my inner voice and realized just how negative and at times, hurtful, my thoughts can be. I seriously believe that this translates into my thoughts affecting my moods, my body, my spirit and everything outside of me - i.e. how I deal with people and situations.

Reading What We Say Matters was an eye opener and actually confirmed alot of things that I always suspected. I like that the authors compare speech to spirituality and argue that both can be combined in a nonviolent and loving manner. They encourage us to use compassion and to cultivate this compassion in every interaction that we have both with the outside world and with our internal communications.

Written almost from a personal level, the authors share some of their stories and give us englightment as to how to apply a kinder, gentler way in our communications - which starts internally with ourselves.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent introduction to the principles of Nonviolent Communication March 9, 2010

By Beth Cholette #1 HALL OF FAMETOP 50 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

NOTE: I received a free review copy of this book from the publisher.

This book, written by married couple Judith and Ike Lasater, describes the techniques of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) a method developed by Marshall Rosenberg. The authors begin by introducing the basic concepts of the NVC method, breaking down the process into four simple steps involving observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Specific examples of both feelings and needs are provided, and at the end of each chapter, suggestions are given for ways to practice what you have learned in that section. The volume continues in this basic manner, with the authors presenting additional skills to be used in conjunction with the principle elements of NVC. Some of these added components include making conversational choices, such as giving empathy to ourselves and/or others, and increasing personal awareness.

In the second half of the book, the authors address communication skills in more specific situations, including talking to partners, talking to children/parents, talking at work, and bringing NVC into the world. For the partners section, Judith and Ike are able to provide a unique perspective, using examples from their own marriage. Similarly, in discussing children, the authors acknowledge the challenges they faced within their own family, reflecting on the especially trying toddler and teenage years. I found myself particularly interested in the applications of NVC to workplace situations. In this chapter, Ike focuses on efficiency in communication, not only verbal contacts but also other forms of communication such as e-mail and voice mail messages. Although I found this section useful, I would have liked to have seen some more specific examples. For instance, Ike mentions that he sometimes drafts his e-mails using NVC language, then re-writes them using more colloquial wording; it would have been very helpful to have included before and after samples here.

Overall, this book provides a basic, useful introduction to the principles of NVC. The techniques are presented in a simple, straightforward manner, and I especially liked that the authors applied the method to a variety of situations/settings. However, the authors specifically state that it took them years to learn how to become more adept at NVC techniques. Although their book is clearly an attempt to simply this process--in fact, they note in their introduction that "learning NVC needn't be so difficult"--it seems clear that *mastering* NVC is something that indeed requires a great deal of motivation, commitment, dedication, and time. However, this book offers an excellent introduction to the method.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A Solution for World Peace? February 7, 2010

By Amy B. Jewell

Format:Paperback

Imagine if you could purchase the tools needed to gain world peace for only $15? That sounds like a joke, doesn't it? It is my belief that the book entitled What We Say Matters by Dr. Judith and Ike Lasater has the ability to do just that if everyone in the world followed their great suggestions. (That is the tricky part, isn't it? lol....)

What We Say Matters is a very powerful book about the effect our everyday communications have on the world around us. With techniques drawn from their extensive work with NVC, or Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Judith and Ike Lasater bring us through simple techniques that we can use to retrain our communication towards making peace with the people we interact with on a daily basis - especially our intimate connections that we have with our family and friends.

I have been a proponent of conflict resolution communication techniques for much of my adult life but have never come across anything so simple and easy to implement as the techniques displayed within this book. If you find yourself challenged by your dealings with others (honestly, who hasn't?) you should do yourself a favor and read this book.