It's an unfortunate reality that many men grow up in churches that suppress their God-given sexual urges. As a result, many Christian men, single and married, are frustrated with their love lives and their sex lives. The authors of this book claim that Christian men should be the greatest lovers in the world and then work to show men how to do it. They help men: -learn what the Bible says about a healthy sex life -discover how to relate to women as men instead of as boys -address psychological and spiritual issues that interfere with healthy sexuality -learn specific techniques that create a strong relationship, great foreplay, and passionate sex Solidly based in Scripture and informed by the experiences of the authors, all respected sex therapists, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Sex dispels the myths that keep good Christian men from experiencing sex as God meant it to be. Perfect for any man, it is also a great book for counselors and pastors who work with men.
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Book Description
Editorial Reviews
From the Back Cover
FRONT COVER "A straightforward, no holds barred, entertaining manual for Christian men."--Neil Clark Warren, founder and chairman, eHarmony.com BACK COVER A candid guide to men's sexuality In the beginning God created man and woman--and sex. But men and women don't always see sex in the same way. This straight-talking guide helps men understand the difference--and helps women appreciate it too. Here are the facts of sexuality as you never heard them growing up--explicit, yet honest and accurate--minus the winks, nudges, and snickers. In great depth and with much candor, the authors explore the biblical, psychological, emotional, and physical aspects of making love. • Gain new insights into your own sexual makeup and the desires of your wife • Discover the most important thing to a woman • Learn how to become a better lover • See why knowing Christ can free a man to experience amazing love and incredible sex with his wife Whether you're married or planning to be someday, this is a must-read. "The authors have reclaimed sex as God's good gift, meant to be lavishly and extravagantly enjoyed by men and women who want the fullness of intimacy that God intended."--Linda M. Wagener, associate dean of the school of psychology, Fuller Seminary "This book breaks the fears and destructive guilt of Christianity into its true design to follow the real principles of sexual love as it was meant to be"--Frank Lawlis, author, The ADD Answer and The IQ Answer "Combining candor with humor, frankness with sensitivity, and professional knowledge with personal experience, this book offers a delightful overview of what husbands need to know about sex."--Jack Balswick, coauthor of Authentic Human Sexuality and A Model for Marriage Ryan Howes, Richard Rupp, and Stephen W. Simpson are psychotherapists who specialize in marriage and men's issues.
About the Author
Ryan Howes (Ph.D., Fuller Theological Seminary) is a therapist in private practice who specializes in helping men overcome sexual issues. He is an adjunct faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary and Pepperdine University. Richard Rupp (M.F.T., Fuller Theological Seminary) is a licensed marriage and family therapist at Pasadena Psychotherapy Center and has taught at Fuller Seminary. He is a frequent speaker at men's conferences and retreats. Stephen Simpson (Ph.D., Fuller Theological Seminary) is the director of the Fuller Psychological and Family Services and is an adjunct professor at the seminary.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
40 of 44 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Books attempting to bridge the presumed cultural divide between Christianity and Sex are becoming quite common. In "What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex," the authors attempt to do, from a Biblical foundation, just that.
They are certainly to be commended on several fronts:
1) They recognize that the Bible does affirm regular, fulfilling sexual relations between a husband and his wife.
2) They attempt to derive their main assertions from Scripture itself.
3) They encourage us to reject the extremes: prudishness and sexual excess.
4) They draw the connection between love (the kind of love at which Christians should excel) and sex. This connection means that Christian husbands, are called to be great lovers (non-sexual), which allows them to be great lovers (sexual).
Unfortunately, despite these positive points, much of what is contained in this book is, I fear, ultimately unhelpful to married couples. I don't want to belabor these points so I will attempt to be brief.
1) First, it is not clear that the authors have properly understood the context of the Song of Songs and how to interpret it properly. While I commend them for their rejection of the allegorizing of this book, I think they miss the progression from engagement to marriage to consummation. Because they interpret every passage as relating directly to a married couple, they draw conclusions that do not necessarily follow from the text.
2) Most importantly, I think the book advocates a view of sexuality within marriage that actually affirms, rather than rejects, dangerous cultural views about sexuality. The authors regularly insist that Christian marriages should be filled with "mind-blowing" and "hot" sex. Throughout the book the bar is set quite high in terms of the quality of sex Christian couples should enjoy.
One of the biggest problems in the culture today, and not simply relating to sex, is the constant pursuit of bigger, better, faster, more. We lack a cultural perspective on what it means to be satisfied. We must be careful not to allow this to creep into Christian bedrooms.
One pastor I know uses the analogy of steak and burgers. Steak is wonderful - we should all appreciate a great steak. But we can't have steak every night. Sometimes we're going to get burgers and we need to be able to appreciate the burger rather than resenting it for not being steak.
Or think of giving your wife a spectacular gift for your 10th anniversary. On the 11th anniversary you also give her a gift, but it cannot possibly match the prior year's. Does the wife have the right to reject the gift because it does not meet or exceed the quality of a previous gift? Of course not. She needs to be satisfied with both gifts.
So it should be with sex in marriage. All couples should know how to give their partner steak and they should enjoy and cherish that steak. But there is a time for steak, and there is a time for burgers. If we cannot be satisfied with burger-quality sex, not always - but regularly, than we will put tremendous strain on our relationships.
I have little doubt that the authors would agree with this but the bulk of the book seems to ignore this most important point.
3) Finally, and perhaps this is a minor point: it troubles me that the authors perpetuate the "Scarlet Letter"-derived attitude which claims that the Puritans were total killjoys who had no use for sex, beauty, fun, etc. The authors set the Puritans up as the source of the extreme anti-sexual bias in some elements of the church. They have not done their research. Helpful correctives can be found by googling "puritans and sex."
Also on this point - I think it is irresponsible of the authors (even ignoring their Puritan-confusion) to indicate that prudishness is as dangerous as sexual impurity or excess. The authors suggest that the (im)balance of sermons (more sermons warning against lust than encouraging vibrant sex-lives) is out of line with the Scriptures. While I hope Christian marriages will include enjoyable sex, I'm not aware of any Scripture passages which suggest that "The prudish shall never inherit the kingdom of heaven." Scripture is, in fact, quite "imbalanced" if you think that kind of statistic is important.
They are certainly to be commended on several fronts:
1) They recognize that the Bible does affirm regular, fulfilling sexual relations between a husband and his wife.
2) They attempt to derive their main assertions from Scripture itself.
3) They encourage us to reject the extremes: prudishness and sexual excess.
4) They draw the connection between love (the kind of love at which Christians should excel) and sex. This connection means that Christian husbands, are called to be great lovers (non-sexual), which allows them to be great lovers (sexual).
Unfortunately, despite these positive points, much of what is contained in this book is, I fear, ultimately unhelpful to married couples. I don't want to belabor these points so I will attempt to be brief.
1) First, it is not clear that the authors have properly understood the context of the Song of Songs and how to interpret it properly. While I commend them for their rejection of the allegorizing of this book, I think they miss the progression from engagement to marriage to consummation. Because they interpret every passage as relating directly to a married couple, they draw conclusions that do not necessarily follow from the text.
2) Most importantly, I think the book advocates a view of sexuality within marriage that actually affirms, rather than rejects, dangerous cultural views about sexuality. The authors regularly insist that Christian marriages should be filled with "mind-blowing" and "hot" sex. Throughout the book the bar is set quite high in terms of the quality of sex Christian couples should enjoy.
One of the biggest problems in the culture today, and not simply relating to sex, is the constant pursuit of bigger, better, faster, more. We lack a cultural perspective on what it means to be satisfied. We must be careful not to allow this to creep into Christian bedrooms.
One pastor I know uses the analogy of steak and burgers. Steak is wonderful - we should all appreciate a great steak. But we can't have steak every night. Sometimes we're going to get burgers and we need to be able to appreciate the burger rather than resenting it for not being steak.
Or think of giving your wife a spectacular gift for your 10th anniversary. On the 11th anniversary you also give her a gift, but it cannot possibly match the prior year's. Does the wife have the right to reject the gift because it does not meet or exceed the quality of a previous gift? Of course not. She needs to be satisfied with both gifts.
So it should be with sex in marriage. All couples should know how to give their partner steak and they should enjoy and cherish that steak. But there is a time for steak, and there is a time for burgers. If we cannot be satisfied with burger-quality sex, not always - but regularly, than we will put tremendous strain on our relationships.
I have little doubt that the authors would agree with this but the bulk of the book seems to ignore this most important point.
3) Finally, and perhaps this is a minor point: it troubles me that the authors perpetuate the "Scarlet Letter"-derived attitude which claims that the Puritans were total killjoys who had no use for sex, beauty, fun, etc. The authors set the Puritans up as the source of the extreme anti-sexual bias in some elements of the church. They have not done their research. Helpful correctives can be found by googling "puritans and sex."
Also on this point - I think it is irresponsible of the authors (even ignoring their Puritan-confusion) to indicate that prudishness is as dangerous as sexual impurity or excess. The authors suggest that the (im)balance of sermons (more sermons warning against lust than encouraging vibrant sex-lives) is out of line with the Scriptures. While I hope Christian marriages will include enjoyable sex, I'm not aware of any Scripture passages which suggest that "The prudish shall never inherit the kingdom of heaven." Scripture is, in fact, quite "imbalanced" if you think that kind of statistic is important.
21 of 24 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Imagine a how-to book written by three sex therapists who all happen to be both a) male and b) Christian. Does this shatter your paradigms or merely stretch them?
The authors of What Wives Wish fit both categories--male and Christian--while also serving various counseling, teaching and therapy roles at Fuller Seminary. Writing with an unflinchingly graphic attention to detail, these writers explain how Christian men can satisfy their wives sexually, while fitting sexuality into a balanced, nuanced place within the context of a loving, satisfying, mutually fulfilling relationship.
An excellent pre-marriage read for men, the book brings a relaxed, comfortable style to discussions of highly specific sexual techniques. While doing so, the authors are careful to explore the other dimensions of human relationships: spiritual, emotional and interpersonal. Although sexuality per se is given primary attention, men are encouraged and at times admonished to become more sensitive, more aware, and more patient.
If anything is missing here, it's the female voice or the feminine perspective, yet this is a book written by men and for men. At times it has a "Christian locker room" flavor, with some of the sex talk couched in metaphorical language drawn from Song of Solomon and other Biblical passages. Real-life couples may not be ready to rephrase their sexual language in Scriptural terms, yet they may be surprised to learn that the Bible is excellent source material for graphic, seductive sexual imagery.
The authors are clear in their intention to write for Christian married men, hoping to help Christian marriages achieve better depth and satisfaction in the bedroom. As such, they have written a helpful and useful guide that is worthwhile reading for its target audience of married and soon-to-be married males.
Armchair Interviews says: Unique perspective on marriage.
The authors of What Wives Wish fit both categories--male and Christian--while also serving various counseling, teaching and therapy roles at Fuller Seminary. Writing with an unflinchingly graphic attention to detail, these writers explain how Christian men can satisfy their wives sexually, while fitting sexuality into a balanced, nuanced place within the context of a loving, satisfying, mutually fulfilling relationship.
An excellent pre-marriage read for men, the book brings a relaxed, comfortable style to discussions of highly specific sexual techniques. While doing so, the authors are careful to explore the other dimensions of human relationships: spiritual, emotional and interpersonal. Although sexuality per se is given primary attention, men are encouraged and at times admonished to become more sensitive, more aware, and more patient.
If anything is missing here, it's the female voice or the feminine perspective, yet this is a book written by men and for men. At times it has a "Christian locker room" flavor, with some of the sex talk couched in metaphorical language drawn from Song of Solomon and other Biblical passages. Real-life couples may not be ready to rephrase their sexual language in Scriptural terms, yet they may be surprised to learn that the Bible is excellent source material for graphic, seductive sexual imagery.
The authors are clear in their intention to write for Christian married men, hoping to help Christian marriages achieve better depth and satisfaction in the bedroom. As such, they have written a helpful and useful guide that is worthwhile reading for its target audience of married and soon-to-be married males.
Armchair Interviews says: Unique perspective on marriage.
11 of 14 people found the following review helpful
By Gert
Format:Paperback
Honestly, we bought this book because one of the authors is an old friend of ours. But we were amazed, even after 12 years of marriage and good sex, how much our love life could improve. I also bought another copy for a wedding gift - why not start off great? I think this will become a standard wedding gift for our friends this summer. Read and enjoy!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
Great guide for Christian men!
"What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex: A Guide for Christian Men" is an outstanding guide for young married men as well as older married men looking to spice up their love... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Kyle L. Rhynerson
4.0 out of 5 stars
A woman's review
To be honest, I don't know why this book has gotten so many 1- and 2-star reviews. I thought it was pretty good. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Clarinerd85
3.0 out of 5 stars
Worth reading I suppose
Not a bad read, overall, but definitely geared toward the very young newlywed type of guy, not a married 40 something recovering addict like me. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Indiana Matt
5.0 out of 5 stars
very good read!
My with and I have read this, and all I can say is... it's worth every word. It is nice to explore each other the way God really intended, and not feel guilty.
Published 13 months ago by SA-Biff
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Book For Men
Every man should read this book its the best way to learn what GOD and Women want and expect from a man/husband. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Potter
5.0 out of 5 stars
Women can learn a lot from this book too!
This book has been great for both my husband and I. We met when I was 14, husband 18 years old, married when I was 18...I am now 28. Read more
Published on February 14, 2011 by Terra M Boice
4.0 out of 5 stars
One of the better Christian books on sex
In general I am not a fan of Christian sex books. Most books either hold people to a impossibly high (and usually non-biblical) standard (a man should be able to train himself to... Read more
Published on January 19, 2011 by Adam
5.0 out of 5 stars
highly recommend
Any couple struggling with sexual or intimacy issues, this is a must read. Go ahead lighten up and read together, My husband and I did, though he was a bit reluctant.... Read more
Published on October 26, 2010 by Sandra A. Smith
5.0 out of 5 stars
What Does God Say About Sex?
[...]
This delightful book takes THE SONG OF SONGS, also called THE SONG OF SOLOMON, and deconstructs it to show that the writers of the Bible, in conveying God's... Read more
This delightful book takes THE SONG OF SONGS, also called THE SONG OF SOLOMON, and deconstructs it to show that the writers of the Bible, in conveying God's... Read more
Published on October 15, 2010 by Anne Wingate
5.0 out of 5 stars
Helped our marriage
And we've been married for 4 years. It helped me personally with understanding God's view of sex and made me not feel bad for loving it with my husband so much. Read more
Published on July 31, 2010 by Happy Mom
