Customer Reviews

What Woman Want Men to Know: The Ultimate Book About Love, Sex, and Relationships for You--and the Man You Love

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Dr. De Angelis has written a passionate appeal to men that is designed to help them improve their relationships with women. This book will probably be given as a gift by wives to husbands and girl friends to their boy friends. If someone gives you this book, see it as an act of love that will help you.

While some books about what men need to know totally take the woman's perspective, this book is well balanced. Dr. De Angelis seems to understand male psychology almost as well as she understands her own. Years ago she wrote a parallel book on what men want women to know that demonstrates that understanding. In this book she is careful to keep that balance. For example, the beginning sections include separate messages to women and men for how to give and receive this book, and work with it in loving ways. She also states at several points in bold type, "I love men." She also doesn't seem to be trying to turn men into women.

The book's premise is based on thousands of contacts Dr. De Angelis has had with women and a questionnaire that she distributed. She points out that what she has to say doesn't describe every woman. Each is unique. Men are encouraged to discuss the points in the book to find out which of them do fit the women they care about. This kind of conversation will be an important and valuable use of the book.

The fundamental divide between men and women in relationships is that women put love first and it fills and colors every part of what they do and think about. Men put achievement first, and compartmentalize love into a small portion of their lives. A real eye-opener for me was one woman's love diary about her loving thoughts concerning her man. He was seldom out of her mind for more than ten minutes at a time. Few men would think about a woman as often, except during the most extreme times of early infatuation.

I found it mentally exhausting to think about all of the things suggested here to be more loving. The good news is that no one needs to do all of these things unless they want to and it feels terrific to do so.

The most useful advice in the book comes in terms of "reframing" or seeing what a woman does in a new light. Being asked where you were isn't "checking up on you" or "over control." You are encouraged to see this as a sign of deep commitment and caring. You also learn to make an occasional telephone call to remove these anxious cross-examinations that most men despise.

Realizing that most women do put love first, want to improve things creatively (not because they are bad, but just for fun), and are focused on time allows men the opportunity to connect to that reality with less effort and with less disruption to their own lives. On the time point, time expands for men (which is why we sometimes lose track of time) while it contracts for women (filling their minds with all kinds of awful thoughts about what could be going wrong).

The book's many suggestions for how to be viewed as a better husband will undoubtedly improve many relationships. I especially liked the section on things not to say. I was impressed to realize that my wife had asked me to say one of these things to her when I thought it was true (in a loving way) because she so much did not want to have that particular problem. This was a valuable insight to me.

For younger men, the section on what is pleasing to women about sex will probably be very helpful in making that part of the relationship better for both. My favorite example here was a woman who described sex as a "three" on a scale of one to ten with ten being the highest. The man said it as a "nine." Dr. De Angelis asked the man to describe why it was a "nine." As he told what he had been thinking, his wife was thrilled and she described hearing his thoughts about her as a "ten." Sexual pleasure begins and ends in the mind, and it is easy for men to lose sight of that.

As you can see, the examples and quotes in the book are very revealing and take the masses of lists and verbiage and make them practical and easy-to-understand.

After you have finished considering this helpful book, do take the time to discuss it with your wife or girl friend. Just reading about these ideas is not enough. You have to talk about them, and then follow up on the ones that feel right for you both. By the way, it's okay to suggest a duration for the first part of this conversation in advance.

Enjoy the happiness and serenity of a better relationship!

I like this author's writing style and the easy, comfortable manner in which she graps the reader's attention. Barbara has, once again, separated the men from the women in her new book which looks at the communication gap between the sexes.

As a counsellor, I cannot tell you the number of times a man has sat across from me and said, "My wife does not understand me" or the number of times a woman has said, "My husband doesn't understand what I need from our relationship." This book will definitely help bridge the communication gap and open the doors to a fuller, enriched and more loving relationship. First of all, husbands and wives are not mind-readers, and the best solution to improving relationships is always a heart-to-heart talk to discover just what does please your partner, and what really ticks him or her off. Secondly, according to the author, "women put love first." I know of several men who also put "love first" but may show their love in an entirely different manner. Sometimes actions speak louder than words; words mean nothing, no matter how endearing or how many "I love you's are spoken," if actions contradict the words.

The only negative aspects encountered in the book were (1) the author's tendancy to stereotype men and woman, and categorize their needs into nice, neat little compartments, and (2) the author's somewhat flowery, mundane cliches. For those reasons, the book lost a star in the rating. In reality, based on years of experience in the field, it is a known fact not everyone fits into a common mold. Not all women have the same behavioural traits, nor do men. In regard to the list presented in the book which prioritizes the "top ten male habits which drive woman crazy", many of the habits would also drive men crazy. What man would appreciate being "bossed around", enjoy "emotional withdrawal" or would willingly accept "lying to avoid unpleasantness"? These are not habits that either gender would welcome.

Overall, the book does contain some very helpful advice in improving gender communication and is certainly a book worth reading... and contemplating. If one sees himself or herself among the pages it might serve as a red-alert, wake up call to smell the coffee before your partner finds someone else who IS ready and willing to provide what is lacking in the relationship. Hopefully, men will not view the book as "male bashing" and will share the same appreciation for the book as the throngs of women who anxiously await each and every one of the author's upcoming books.

I was looking for a book to give me tips or ideas on how to improve my relationship. I am a guy and I need a list and I have a goal. This book does that, but you do have to read a little too. It is an easy read though. It also explains why women are the way they are. Strange but true. Guys-why do girls need to know where I went, who I talked to, how was my day, why I didn't check in. They have to be spying on me, right? It is a hard concept to accept and I still am having a hard time with it but this book helps explain why. How many times have we heard "let's have more quality time"? Well I have given out more details about my day like the people who came in, some problems I had, solutions I found,... at dinner instead of "fine" or "ok" and this was accepted as quality time. Granted she wants more, but I can do the quality time and eat at the same time. The book explains the telephone phenomenon which why my conversations last under a minute and hers are why they have "unlimited nights and weekends". Last example, I went to my wife and told her that "I appreciated all her hard work in her planning of making sure the kids and myself were happy." this was in the morning and when I got back home at the end of the day she was beaming and had a great day and the nice comment I said had made her day. Wow, that was kind of easy to do, even though I felt like a dork saying it that morning. Only draw back of the book was that I felt like my side of the story was not told and felt overwhelmed that this is a 2way street and what about how to make me happy? Granted, its usually quite simple and obvious but none the less needed. Well I have ordered her other book about what secrets guys want girls to know and that will probably do a good job doing just that. It should be here today. Good luck.

I found myself offended by this book and its constant "bribe" of "hey, guys, if you do this, your wife will have sex with you!"

While there are a few good points, this book seems to be written about barbarian men that are stuck in the stone age.

I do need to remember that this is supposed to be from a woman's point of view, but this book is really written for women. Ladies, as a guy, I can honestly tell you that this book may alienate your husband. I do not recommend this book as one that you could expect your husband to finish. You may enjoy it, and may be able to point out some of the great points that this book makes to your mate, but don't expect them to eat this book up the way you might.

The great points about this book focus mainly on communicating with one's wife, but at the same time, many of the points are obvious and could be summarized simply as:
Pay more attention to your wife, listen closely, open up and tell her what you're thinking and, when she annoys you, just remember that she is doing it because she loves you.

Much of this book is cliched (i.e: men are easy to please, women require mental stimulation first, etc.) and stereotyped. I would recommend several other marriage books that a husband could actually read before this one.

Oh and, by the way, the first 25% of the book keeps talking about how great this book is and how great it will be for you when you get to the meat of the text. I found myself constantly annoyed with, "When I tell you this secret later, you'll be amazed," etc. Why waste all this time? Because, as she says, women enjoy talking just for talking and men like to get to the point (take your own advice, Doc).

This is a very good book, in a field filled with mediocrity. It is very well written and very easy to read. Some of the prose is in fact excellent for this type of book. And there is much less fluff and filler material than you find in most relationship books. I think it is superior to anything in the Mars/Venus series.

Interestingly, the book could be titled "How to date a high-maintenance, overly emotional witch/princess." Of course many of the best looking women are high maintenance princess types (apparently the author is as well), so if you are dating one of those (or want to), this book is for you. But reading through it, I can't help feeling that if you need more than 25% of the information in this book, maybe you need a new girlfriend instead. The tone of the book is that all problems in the relationship occur because the man doesn't understand something about women. But then that is what the book is about. The author has already written books for the women to understand men.

That mild criticism being said, almost all the information is useful and if you apply it, it will make your life easier and your relationship better. Even the best relationships have rough times and this will help you guys get through them, and maybe even save the relationship. And don't just jump to the end to the chapters on sex. Read the whole thing.

This book is based on the author's very stereotypical views of both the male and female genders. She continually describes all women as being essentially emotional creatures who need constant support and affirmation from men. Similarily, she depicts all men as being analytical and goal orientated people who place less value on romance and relationships. Obviously, men and women are different in certain ways and De Angelis does occasionally make some valid points about communication styles and how to better understand your significant other. But her comments are so exaggerated and generalized that she really destroys her own credibility.

Most people that are more open-minded about gender roles and don't fit into her extreme stereotypes will feel this book doesn't apply to them. She is also very insulting towards those who don't fit her gender stereotypes. For example, she describes a certain more analytical and less emotional woman she once knew, Abby, as being disconnected to her true "womanhood" because of bad past experiences. Maybe the reality is that people are just more complex and intricate than the simple stereotypes De Angelis would like to portray.

This book makes you long for the days when men lived in longhouses separate from women, and occasionally got prettied up to go visit the girls.

The underlying message, repeated over and over again, is that male behavior is basically deficient or wrong, and that if men would just realize how women really work--the truth as represented by the author--we would all get along.

In fact, problems in relationships generally stem from deep family psychodramas, and an inability on the part of both partners to perceive accept the other as he or she is. Projection is a very difficult problem to overcome--but this book basically says to men, your partner's projections reflect her creativity, emotional nature, sensitivity to time, need to be wanted, etc., etc., but your projections are flat out wrong.

Peter Kramer's "Should you leave?" gives A far more nuanced and helpful discussion of the dynamics of relationships--I highly recommend that book.

I'm a typical guy that has been out of the relationship loop for a while. Most of my friends are women with a few close male friends. I read sections of this book online and decided to buy it looking for insights into how women think about relationships and how to communicate more effectively. I found this book clearly written and well formatted with the stories lending a personal touch to the analysis that Deangelis makes in each section. My one caveat is that men especially are portrayed as a lot more clueless and insensitive than I believe us to be. However I need to remember that most people call on Deangelis for help when things are going badly not when they are going well, so her representative sample is probably on the negative side of the bell curve.

Overall I found this book quite funny especially the rebel section and the sloppy sex section. Then again I have no issues with my mother to sort out and I happen to enjoy watermelon . . . I noticed that as I read I found certain sections dealing with commitment and scheduling time/remembering events to be uncomfortable for me. Basically if I can't fit something in a date book I won't remember it. This discomfort is therefore a valuable feeback tool. I learned about "spiraling" on my own as well as the idea that women just want to bounce feelings off their partners (or close male friends) without expecting us to be Mr. Fix it. It was nice to see insights like these explained in more detail. Ultimately I enjoyed the book and I'll be bouncing it off my female friends for a while before I get through all my projects and back into another relationship.

Guys.....and even gals, read this book. I thought I knew everything but this opened my eyes big time!What a huge amount of information and insight on how the other person thinks and their perspective. There is no bashing of any kind; you will learn something.

Dr. De Angelis has written a book that will appeal to both men and women, although she does rely on stereotypical perpectives rather than providing more insightful and original suggestions. However, when it comes to men and women this may be a reasonable approach. I also recommend Men in Marriage: Straight Talk For Men About Marriage: What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know About Men)by Marty Friedman. This wonderful book provides a much needed male perspective and is presented in a unique and practical manner that both men and women will find useful in making lasting chages in their relationships.