Customer Reviews

What Women Want Men to Know

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

After 24 years and 11 months of marriage, I'd had enough. I'd tried everything to explain how I felt to my husband. He just didn't get it.

In desperation I bought the book, mostly to see if I could learn anything about how to explain to him. I never expected him to actually read the book with me.

After reading a couple of passages from the book to him, he agreed to read the book together. The passages from the book sounded so much like us.

Next week instead of an appointment with a divorce lawyer, we have reservations at a elegant restaurant, for a romantic dinner on our 25th anniversary.

I always knew if I could explain what romance, seduction, connecting, and quality time together meant he would do it. I just couldn't get him to understand. The last councilor we saw told me that if he didn't get it after 24 years, he'd never get it.

HE GOT IT.

Not only does he get it, I understand more about myself now. Everyone, both men and women should read this book.

As I read this book, I got to thinking that it's too bad the author is married. Otherwise, I think I could marry her, because then I could say to her "Hey, you know all of the things you point out in this book that women do that drive men crazy? Yeah, well .. don't do any of those things!" And then I believe we could live happily ever after. In my honest opinion, I think this book should've been written for women to illustrate all the things that women *shouldn't* do. But instead, it is an instruction manual for us men explaining why women do the irritating things they do and why we should put up with them.

For example, let's say you're a guy on a business trip far away from home. When you get to your destination, you call your woman from the airport to let her know you're not dead. However, when you get to your hotel room, instead of calling to check in yet again, you decide to just crash because you're exhausted from the trip. So now your woman is sitting at home going nuts, wondering if you died on the way to the hotel, got abducted by aliens, or (worse yet) in your hotel room shagging another woman. So when you do call the next day to check in, you get an earful, with your woman telling you how thoughtless and selfish you are. The author points out that women don't do this because they're insecure and neurotic. Oh no, they do it because they love us!! So instead of advising women to relax and take a chill pill, men are instructed to appease the woman and *appreciate* this behavior.

And that's the basic tone of the book. The author points out all the stupid and annoying things that women do (and readily admits that these things are annoying) such as wanting their man to sit down with them and talk about absolutely nothing, and then points out how guys can alter their behavior to accomodate the type of behavior from women that we hate. And what is our reward for doing such things? More sex! That's right, if your woman is happy, you get more sex. As a guy, I have to wonder how much longer we're going to allow women to dangle sex in front of our face like it was some kind of Scooby snack in order to get us to do what they want.

Not that this book is a total waste .. the part about sex has some useful information, but
I'm sure there are better books out there devoted to this subject. Also, I would *not* recommend guys try and use these techniques in order to meet women. If you want to be a lapdog, it's probably best you wait until you get into a serious relationship, at which time the woman can tie the ball and chain around your ankle. If you do these things too early (like during the first 10 dates), you might (and probably will) come off as a supplicating fool.

Look, I'm not saying that one particular sex or the other should stop being who they are, I just think that it's a give & take kind of thing ... that each side should be willing to bend a little to satisfy the other's nature. But reading this book, I gather that many women think it is the man who is supposed to do all of the changing, and I consider that a little unfair.

PS - Just a bit of info for women. If you ever wonder why guys like to organize their thoughts before expressing them, listen up: There is a cardinal rule with men that if we say something to you and it can be interpreted in two different ways, and one of them is something that upsets you, we meant the other one. It has been my experience that women tend to take the worst meaning possible and store that in their memory bank like a cyborg, and then readily use that as ammunition in future arguments for years to come. For this reason, I like to get all my ducks in a row and make sure my logic is rock solid, lest I say something that doesn't quite come out quite the way I wanted it to, and then have that used against me for the rest of my life. "Hey, do you remember 20 years ago when you said I looked fat?" :)

Wow, if my female friends and I came with an instruction manual, Barbara DeAngelis' "What Women Want Men to Know" would be it! I frequently found myself nodding in agreement. I'm so impressed, I'm sending a copy to my boyfriend post-haste!

Barbara doesn't blame men for the difficulties in male-female relationships, but she does acknowledge that men and women tend to think and behave differently, causing misunderstandings (which she explicitly describes). This perceptive and entertaining book is aimed at the male reader to help him understand us women and alter his communications and behavior a bit if he wants a better relationship with us.

Barbara astutely explains and gives examples of common male communication and behavior patterns, how they affect us women, and simple things a guy can do to improve his relationship with his partner while still being true to himself. For example, there's the typical situation of the woman wanting to discuss something with the man, but the man withdrawing and avoiding her. Instead of immediately withdrawing, Barbara suggests men practice the "three R's-1. Recognize her desire to communicate with you. 2. Respond in some way. 3. Reschedule." Thus, the man will still get to discuss the situation at a time convenient to him, but this way he's acknowledging and respecting his partner. The 3 R's and all the specific actions women would like men to take are written in gray boxes so the guy (hopefully) won't miss it!

I found nuggets of wisdom in each of the book's three sections: (part 1) What women want men to know about us, (2) What women want men to know about love, intimacy and communication, and (3) What women want men to know about sex. I especially liked the "seven myths men believe about women and why they are absolutely wrong" in part 1, and "the top ten male communications habits that drive women crazy" in part 2.

I recommend this book for:
· Women who feel misunderstood in their relationships to pass on to their partner.
· Men who would like to understand women better and/or become better lovers.
· Any couple going through typical "male/female stuff": Such as woman wants to spend more time with the man, but the man thinks we're being needy and insecure, or the man casually makes and forgets a promise, but can't understand why the woman is so bent out of shape about it.

I wish I would have bought this book ten years ago. I've been married nine years and I've never quite understood how to treat my wife right. This book has empowered me to create a beautiful relationship her. Very important information that is essential for any man who wants a happy marriage. As soon as my son is old enough I will encourage him to read this.

Overall, a very good book for what it advertises. Similar to John Gray's "Men are from..." book, the author hits home on a lot of key messages, ones that you find yourself nodding in agreement with having experienced them yourself. It's also easily read and understood, with enough highlighting and summarizing to make 500 pages manageable. I definitely learned a lot and I would recommend this book to any guy who wants to better understand what makes women tick.

The book was disappointing in three ways. First, it's stories were contrived and dramatic with the man always bringing the woman to tears due to his inappropriate behavior; the author says they were case studies, but many don't read credibly. Second, it's probably 100 or so pages too long (repetitive and too many examples), although you can skim easily. Finally, the author is a bit condescending in areas and beats men over the head a little. Many examples in the second half have men acting boorishly while the innocent woman is acting appropriately. It also suggests that men need to fight their natural instincts to conform to women's habits/customs, which is an unfair (if ultimately effective) piece of advice.

My boyfriend and I are in our 40's... we were v close to a breakup... I had come to see that he could talk the talk, but was progressively dropping the ball on walking the walk. Long story.. but, he did not want to break up. He decided to get into counseling (on his own) and his counselor agreed that reading books on relationships would be a healthy choice. We hit the library and walked out with a tall stack of books for men, women and couples. The funny thing about this book is that he picked it out, just as we decided to leave the library... I was thinking "OMG.. we don't need any more books!!!"

We began reading together.. in bed... over the phone.. whenever a great passage would come up. He was really taken w this book. So, I began thumbing thru it and I just didn't identify with a lot of the descriptions and situations. I suppose I just feel like I'm different from many women because I was raised with brothers only-- and I also didn't think that my boyfriend would get much out of this book. However, we recently purchased it from Amazon (still waiting for it to arrive) after he finished it. He said he wanted to be able to reference it and refresh his memory from time to time. He said the "3 things that women need" really helped him to understand how important it is for women to feel safe. I had to agree w that. I ALWAYS want to feel safe... whether it is where I live... where I park my car or within my relationship. So-- I thought-- score one point for Beverly. The next thing he talked about was filling the "love bank" and now he's always talking about how important it is to keep "my" love bank filled... (it feels so silly saying this)... The Caveman references made me bristle-- I just didn't like it or relate... but, he said it spoke to him... helped him to understand a woman's cellular need to feel "safe"!

The bottom line is this.. when he read the negative reviews from men, he started shaking his head. He said that he prob would have felt the same way, if he would not have approached the book with an open heart and a desire to "make right" our relationship. He said the book taught him some things he never understood about women. This I know... he has been a better partner to me... I credit the reading he's been doing. He is currently reading the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman-- he bought it-- even though he felt it was geared more for "married" couples/ I just started the Five Love Languages by Chapman.. it captures your attention from the get go!

One last thought... my co-workers watched my boyfriend reading it when he would come see me for my lunch breaks... they've all noted a change in him. One co-worker asked me for the name of the book. I'd say that speaks for itself.

Men... I know it is sometimes tough to read a book that is focused on what YOU should do, (I feel the same way.. smiles) instead of what "she" needs to do... but, if you have a good woman (or want a good relationship), it is worth trying to focus on what you, personally, have power over... and that is always and only ourselves. Perhaps, your partner will respond in kind... and do what I'm doing.. reading book alongside my partner. He has inspired me to do so. Maybe there isn't a book out there that can transform "your" life... but, it is sometimes the small things that do, indeed, have power... even one passage, or one chapter may give you some wisdom that can help to alter your life.

As a 53 year old straight male who has been twice divorced, I wish I had found this book sooner, It speaks to you in plain understandable English and was written by a woman, imagine that. Explains an awful lot about women and how men do the wrong thing when reacting instead of the right thing and make things worse instead of better as intended. Well worth the investment of a few dollars. Better yet, read it every year or two and no more than every 5 years. Your lady will be happier and then you will be happier to. Sounds corny but this is much cheaper than any divorce. Call it continuing education and relationship insurance

This book is outstanding. Why. Because Barbara actually puts in language most men can understand,what women need. You may not agree with it, but it's there, laid out for you, like a well-written fix-it book. No feminist bitching about the patriarchy, no whining, just solid explanations that make sense. One other reviewer said this was what not to do. Sure, if you don't mind irritating the heck out of your wife. If you want more harmony, in your committed relationship, the ideas in this book are very good. No married relationship can be healthy without mutual respect. Most men won't read books on improving a relationship, and I don't blame them, mostly they aren't written in language that makes any sense to a man. If you only read one book on improving your relationship, make it this one, it's written like a book on how to fix cars. It's good enough you could use it for a good relationships course in college, or better yet high school. Applying the ideas may take some effort at first, but it's worth it. If you are in a relationship with a woman who doesn't respect you, though, get out, nothing can fix that. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

I'm a young male, i ordered this book the other day and its a amazing book, the layout is great, it also unlike many books has made me laugh. Great book for a men who's in a relationship, helps understand your partner better, but as a guy you really need to drop the male ego before picking up the book, to have a proper understanding of where the issues are coming from.

Ever wanted to understand women and their behavior? Then here you have it! THIS IS THE MANUAL MEN HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR FOR 10 MILLION YEARS! And yes, this is another "battle of our needs" book. And a lot of people find these books disturbing, and maybe a little stereotypical. But this is the 21st century, and we are finally beginning to understand this simple truth: Men and women are different and we have different needs. What a revelation! lol

And lets face it...books like these are NEVER going to solve all our problems because we are talking about love and lust. And the logic of the human heart is questionable, for both sexes (that's what our brain is for). And if you consider how complex our world has become, the blurred roles of men and women, the high divorce rate, and our children's needs, then our relationships need SERIOUS help! And I believe books like these are a great start. And Barbara De Angelis has done a great job here. She has certainly done her homework.

And for the guys out there who aren't "man" enough read this book: This isn't a book about giving up your needs. Nor is it about women whining for more. This is a book of understanding, and the author is quite clear about that fact. And here's a news flash: complain all you want...women are never going to change!

And for the girls out there who giggle when they hear the words, "a man's needs." (and I've met a lot of 'em): There are many good books out there for you, as well, like "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know", by the same author, as an example. So please read them. And here's another news flash: complain all you want...men are never going to change!