Customer Reviews

What Women Want: What Every Man Needs to Know About SEX, Romance, Passion and Pleasure

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

This book is awesome. It's written by guys FOR guys but it interviews over 2,000 women. From the chapters on dating and companionship to the chapters on sex and intimacy, there are thousands of tidbits in here that make you sit up and pay attention. In some ways the book illustrates that men and women really DO see things diffently -- we all knew that but didn't really know what to do about it, with this book, now we do! If women speak a "foreign" language then this book is the code book that makes it all clear. Hey one of the best tips is that women want someone who pays attention more than they want a CEO...easy enough to handle!

This book has the noblest of intentions, and I cannot fault either its authors or the women they interviewed for trying to help men understand women better. Unfortunately, a better title for it would be "What Some Women Want Men To Think They Want", because the book's approach to answering its title question is flawed. It assumes that women say what they mean, especially when they are told that their responses will be read by an audience they hope to influence for their own ends. And it assumes that women themselves know just what they want, which few of us, male or female, actually do (when I mentioned this book to a female friend, she asked me to let her know what women wanted when I was through reading it, because she and all her female friends had no idea).

That is not to say that the book is devoid of helpful advice, because there is some good stuff here, particularly that given in the "Can She Ex?lain It" sections. Kate Fillion's contribution, for example, which pointed out the impossible standard women today are called upon to meet, was fascinating and eye-opening. But in general the quality of advice in "What Women Want" varies widely; the emphasis on respect and communication can only help men in marriages or other committed relationships, but the advice on how to meet and court women is useless in the extreme and could well be read as advice for men on how NOT to get a date (though celibate guys can use it to make female friends who will see them as one of the girls).

There is a further flaw that must be mentioned: it is clear that the authors do not understand men, for this book assumes that all men are the same and want the same things. Even as it attempts to convince men of the complexity of women, it ignores the fact that men are no less varied, which diminishes its value for much of its intended audience. The "guy-talk" tone is often irritating, and never helpful.

The greatest value of "What Women Want" does not lie in its advice but in its very failure to accomplish what it set out to do, and with a little digging we can see just why it all went so wrong. There is no doubt but that the women interviewed in this study thought they were answering the questions honestly, just as there is also no doubt that the behavior of women in the real world frequently does not match those answers. Part of the reason for this is, I believe, our society. America is the wealthiest nation in world history, and we are all, men and women alike, told by the mass media that our lives should be perfect and that there is something very wrong with us when they are not. Fantasy, not reality, dominates gender relations in America today, and this leads to unrealistic expectations about the behavior of our partners, even as the fantasy of perfection cripples our ability to communicate (if Leonardo DeCaprio and Jude Law don't have to have intimate talks with their lovers, why should we?). The comments in this book are a prime example: men must be perfect, like the heroes in romance novels (correctly called female porn by the authors), or they will be discarded and ridiculed. Many women, like many men, judge potential partners based on how well they match up to criteria developed in sexual fantasy, not reality, and so real partners will never measure up. And because society tells us daily that the "customer is always right", it makes sense that the women interviewed in "What Women Want" seem to feel that they bear no responsibility for their own happiness, as according to this book it is always men who must compromise, but never women.

Ultimately, then, "What Women Want" is largely a collection of demands and complaints made by members of a culture whose 50% divorce rate makes any comment by its members on gender relations suspect. It is also a very human and American book, because the often unrealistic demands made by women here are mirrored by the equally unrealistic demands so often made by men, and which, with the same sort of interviews, would no doubt come forth just as passionately and be just as pointless.

My fiance's mother bought this for him for his birthday (what a great lady!), and we both read it eagerly. I can honestly say the authors have done a good job. For us personally, the book is good for helping us talk about stuff--not only for him to find out what I would like, but for me to learn what he likes and doesn't. I've written a few books myself, and this one is well-researched and well-written. Want to know what women want from men? It's all right here--they hit the nail on the head.

If you're trying to figure out Sociobiology like I am, the 3 best books on the subject are:

#1 HOW TO MAKE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU by Leil Lowndes, #2 SURVIVAL OF THE PRETTIEST by Nancy Etcoff, and #3 HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN by Ron Louis and David Copeland. But even though I haven't finished WHAT WOMEN WANT by Larry Stains, Stefan Bechtel, and Laurence Roy Stains, it's already #4!!!

What makes all these books so good is that unlike books like MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, this fantastic four of books deals with the real world, and tells us what women--who rule the game of love--really want!

Some readers have criticicized this book as being a copy of HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN, but what makes WHAT WOMEN WANT different is that the authors not only tell us what women want, but they go into even more details about Sociobiogogy than HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN, and somehow, the writing is even better organized. The section on first date failures is dynamite, and I love the way the book refers to hundreds of the women the authors interviewed, instead of the usual studies quoted in other books. And like the Top Three, WHAT WOMEN WANT doesn't shy away from the importance of appearance, and emphasizes good grooming.

But WHAT WOMEN WANT does have two weaknesses, as the authors try to downplay the importance of certain aspects of appearance such as hair--they try to use womens' answers to their questions to suggest that women don't care about baldness, while my research indicates hair is very important to women--and the authors overstate the importance of money to women--which my research says is a distant second for women to looks. (Why else are so many women married to guys with no money, or who aren't rich?!) Also, like HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN, there are no pictures of the authors, and I'm always a little curious to see what the writers of books like these look like!

But WHAT WOMEN WANT is still sensational, and it's the best book of the 21st Century!

Chari Krishnan

I loved this book and am not ashamed to say so. Growing up with a household of sisters, I know this book is true. Thanks for putting female thoughts into words that men can understand. Another excellent book is The RoMANtic's Guide by Michael Webb.

The interviewees aren't unable to understand each other because they're different sexes. They're unable to understand each other because they're idiots. This book is like textual kabuki based on the simplest and most insulting male and female stereotypes.

Perhaps my alarm is evidence of a generation gap, though I can name many women of various ages I believe would recoil with horror from 95% of the advice from the authors and interviewees.

I believe all the examples in this book have the same problem at the core: these people didn't marry or partner with someone they respected. Now, they tell the authors, they have to talk themselves out of thinking their partner's requests, priorities or responses are silly. Clue: if you don't understand someone and don't respect and appreciate how that person operates... don't. marry. them.

Everyone wants something different. I want to swallow, enjoy backdoor activities, and have occasional threesomes followed by a round of dissertation editing. I have never thought about anything other than sex while having sex, and I don't fold laundry or obsess over other sisyphysian tasks. I would never choose between looks and money because I'm in it for the intellectual rapport. Others want something else, but I don't think anyone wants a life that looks like anything out of this book.

If you don't want to be married to someone incapable of generousity or insight, read this and avoid people who hold opinions and beliefs similar to those expressed by the men and women quoted at length. That's the only use for it I can imagine.

This book should be called how to be a "nice guy". This book spends many chapters teaching you how to be a nice guy. The data was collected from hundreds of women who described exactly what they are looking for. Sounds simple enough. That's assuming women say exactly what they mean.

If you read many other books on this same topic they suggest that women like a challenge. That if you try too hard to be a "nice guy", like this book will teach you to be, you will end up with many female friends who do not want to date you for fear of ruining your friendship. While this book is an interesting read, and does contain some useful information do not let this be your only guide. Women just don't go for the type that trys this hard.

I can almost guarantee a lifetime of happiness to any man who reads this book and FOLLOWS ALL OF THE INSTRUCTIONS IN IT TO THE LETTER. I evaluated this book before giving it to my husband to read, and have ended up buying copies to give to most of my male friends, too. Unlike most advice books by "experts," the material in this book is based on questionnaires and interviews with hundreds of women and the scholarship shows. I found myself saying to myself as I read it, "Yep, that's true; I believe that; I feel like that; most of the women I know are like that." Probably 90% of the observations apply to 100% of American women and 100% of the observations apply to 90% of American women. Our wants and needs will no longer be a mystery to any man who reads this book, and wise men will act on its advice. It can also be a real eye-opener for women readers who wonder whether or not their wants and needs are in line with those of other women. For those who want to read further to find out why women are the way that they are, I recommend "Why Men Don't Listen (and Women Can't Read Maps)."

This is a horrible book. It reads like a tome for people who already hate sex and would rather be lonely with a tub of ice cream and 15 cats cupboards. It present sex and the activities performed during sex in a very unflattering way and almost feels like it was a guide on how NOT to have sex. I'm not sure about the generational divide between the different sexes interviewed in the book; either way, I don't think these people have had normal loving relationships. It also presents both sexes as being selfish in a sexual relationship, but more so for men. As a man, I don't have a problem with this as women are more apt to want to please than men are, percentage wise; but it's the tone that gets me. It's more of a "why you're an idiot" than a "what you need to know to better your relationship". Well, what's wrong with that? The information is completely inaccurate; again, I"m not sure who they were interviewing but the info in this book is in direct contrast to every other book I've read. Most of the books you will read will cover the same topics with a different perspective, but the actual polling data will, more or less, be the same; so unless the authors have a polling data center as well, the "our surveys" listed throughout the book do me no good; it's like having a biased news agency say, "some critics say". Ok, who's some critics? You nephew and uncle? The guy at the pawn shop? You? Who? I've read tons of books on sex, romance, etc. in an attempt to better myself when it comes to elevating our relationship to new levels, and this is, by far, the worst text I have ever read.

This book repackaged things I sort of knew and bases it on research. It actually made me a better husband, brother, son, friend, and employer. I now know how to relate to the opposite sex with devastating results.

It just rang so true with men's blinkered approach to women and frankly gives you the power to know how to approach them without fear and frankly in a win-win mode. A lot of my wife's friends ave openly said to us both that they wish their husbands would do the things I did. This has actually made our marriage stronger.

Get this book, it's better than Cosmopolitan!