Customer Reviews

What Women Want--What Men Want: Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently

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If you're a woman over 30, less than a perfect ten, and wondering whether you'll ever find a good man, look no further. This book will confirm that you're doomed to spinsterhood. All men are looking for that beautiful twenty-year old blonde with the perfect body. Seriously, the basic premise of the book is that men prize a woman's youth & physical attractiveness first and foremost (and almost to the exclusion of any other traits -- a woman's economic status, occupation, and to some extent, personality, are largely irrelevant to men). In choosing sexual partners and mates, men focus on physical attractiveness. Period. Women, on the other hand, look for economic and professional status and investment. A woman of any socioeconomic level wants to "marry up" and will often prefer to have a primary relationship with a higher status man who is married or involved with multiple women than to have a primary monogomous relationship with a lower status man. Men want to minimize their investment; women want to maximize a man's investment. Townsend explains why musicians and athletes have often had hundreds of sex partners, and typically have ten to twenty women whom they can call at any given time for commitment free, investment-free sex. Townsend creates serious doubt that men in high status positions will be faithful in relationships.

It seems that the vast majority of the individuals interviewed & quoted are twenty-something medical students, becoming aware of their status for the first time. They will have nothing to do with the "unattractive, overweight" women in their med school class, particularly when the universe of "chirpies" (nurses, therapists, etc.) are available & interested. The other group of men interviewed are, on the whole, high status men, many of whom engage in polygyny (multiple relationships during the same time frame with a variety of women).

This book was interesting, and filled with quotations from the interviewees, although it went on & on & on --reinforcing the conclusion that draws in the first few chapters, quoting one med student who sounds very similar to the next med student. Men want youth & beauty. Women want investment & status.

My guess is that some readers would bristle at the generalizations in this book -- though they undoubtedly ring true. The text doesn't contain a significant amount of commentary & editorialization; it just presents the interview results in a readable fashion.

John Marshall Townsend's seminal book answers Freud's famous question "What do women want?" In ten chapters Mr. Townsend addresses various topics pertaining to male-female relationships: sexual differences between the two genders; what is sex what is love; what is sexually attractive to women in men; when choosing partners for marriage what men and women look for; men's criteria for choosing partners; whether there is a shortage of available men for dating; as women age and achieve professional success why their chances of dating decline; what both genders seek in marriage; whether women can have sex like men without emotional commitment; who does majority of household chores; whether women like dominant men; why male medical students don't date female medical students; whether men and women are alike in other parts of the world and, lastly, how to cope with evolutionary differences between the two genders. While responding to the above questions, Mr. Townsend convincingly debunks the notion that men and women contribute equally to the relationship and demonstrates there is always an overlap in terms of contribution and how it benefits the relationship. His analysis underscores the difficulty with egalitarianism and how fanciful expectations often undermine relationships. To wit, if something is rational doesn't mean it's preferable. The book counsels the readers to be committed to their relationship; to do things together; accept gender differences in task preferences; ignore the idea grass is greener on the other side; have lower expectations; know each partner must sacrifice some aspects of their personality for the success of relationship; remember in marriage some conflict and disappointment is inevitable and to restrict the desires to stray by avoiding to vent them. An engrossing book with potential to help a lot of people!

Townsend first describes gender differences in attractiveness, that men seek physical beauty in a sex partner while women seek a man with high status. Then he gives a cogent argument that these tendencies are built into our species. While not the last work on this subject, here is an intelligent and provocative presentation of facts and theory.

Dr. Townsend's book provides a useful review of what Evolutionary Psychologists (as well as every intellectually honest lay observer) already know about the forces that account for the way men and women relate. To this he adds some useful and evocative interview-based research. I am sending copies to all my educated single female friends, and am keeping a copy for my hoped-for future daughter.

Criticisms: Dr. Townsend focuses almost exclusively on the educated top of society, while the mechanisms he describes are causing the most rapid destruction of traditional family values at the uneducated bottom. Also, he ignores the impact of demographics, especially the change in gender ratios that ending death in childbirth has caused in the last few hundred years in the advanced (and not-so-advanced) nations.

this book is a good read. From a male perspective it really is an eye-opener into what is going on with women and why they choose to enter the sexual relations they do - from proving thier sexiness, revenge sex, competing with friends, through to attempting to secure the resources of men further up the socioeconomic ladder. A bit depressing at times really, but then again, what are you going to do? It is the world we live in...

Townsend makes a plausible case for the evolution of sex differences in mate selection. Women seek high status partners, he says, while men seek physically attractive partners. There will always be doubts about the correctness of such explanations, but here there is fun in the telling.

Mr.Townsend is both an accomplished writer and an able social scientist. This book states that there are some basic evolutionary traits that are particular to each one of the sexes. For example, men want to "score" as often as possible with the most beautiful and desirable women. To do so, they resort to different tactics ranging from false commitment promises to actual commitment at some degree. One typical trait of women is that they won't "marry down" in most instances. No matter how successful women may become, they rather be uncommitted than sharing their lives with an economically "unsuitable" man. These are but two examples of the series of traits that are associated, according to Mr. Townsend (and to other authors to be fair), to either sex. By reading the book you will find out those other interesting traits.

The book postulates arise from interviews and similar studies on these peculiar gender related traits. The book have case stories that are lively written and make the book more pleasant to read. If you want to learn about men's and women's outlooks and psychological traits, this book will not disappoint you.

The most comprehensive book on human sexual behavior. It is written at a level that can be easily understood by most people. It should be required reading for everyone -- from high school and college students who are entering into the dating realm, to happily married couples who want a deeper understanding of their partners sexual psychology. This book provides individuals with a better understanding of the dynamics behind dating and why their partners act and desire the things they do. The people who have written negative reviews about this book are merely in denial about the realities of the human experience. This book provides valuable, validated information that is critical to understanding human behavior in both sexes. It allows the reader to understand and leverage information to make better informed decisions regarding lifestyle choice, mate selection, and relationship expectations.

After reading this book I am supprised that the title says what women want but I in my view the studies in this book mainly concentrate on what men want. The book is well written and you can tell there is a lot of research behind it, but the book is not boring. I totally agree the points made through out the book with my own studies and observations of both sexes. I have compiled that into a list and distributed that to my friends.

I like the way Townsend makes the case for anthropologic givens for the differences between men and women, and I like the way he challenges some of the past work of Margaret Mead for her unwillingness to use data that did not fit her model, but at the same time admiring her for admiting her mistake years later.