What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy [Hardcover]

Susie Essman (Author)

Book Description

Release date: October 13, 2009

IN WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?, Susie Essman sheds the crasser layers to reveal how she went from an anxiety-ridden, struggling stand-up comic to being one of the funniest women on television, playing Susie Greene on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...

MARRIAGE?

"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."

MEN WITH DOGS?

"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."

THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?

"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"

STEPPARENTHOOD?

"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you."

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Of all the countless times in my life I've been directed to go fuck myself -- from waiters to rabbis to trick-or-treaters to every woman I've ever gone out with -- no one has done it with the panache and zeal of the fabulous Miss E. Sad to say, most of you will never experience that, but this book is the next best thing." -- LARRY DAVID

"I have been on the phone with Susie Essman for twenty-five years. In every conversation there is wit, there is insight, there is vetching. Now she shares all this with the world. I am no longer the lone recipient of her singular sagacity, perception, and luminosity. But I hold no malice. In fact, this stuff is so good, I even hope Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney read it." -- JOY BEHAR

"Susie Essman always makes me scream with laughter. If she were any wiser, she'd have witnessed the birth of Christ. What Would Susie Say? made me laugh harder than I have in years. After reading it, you'll never be at a loss for words again." -- BETTE MIDLER

"If you don't already know that Susie Essman is one of the funniest people on the planet then pick up this wonderful book with her pitch-perfect comic voice on every page. Dorothy Parker with a lot more heart." -- DAVID STEINBERG

"Don't get me wrong, I worship Susie Essman. That said, considering she knows absolutely nothing about life, love, or comedy, I'm thrilled that she managed to pull off such a brilliant hoax." -- RICHARD LEWIS

About the Author

Susie Essman has played the sassy Susie Greene for all seven seasons of the critically acclaimed HBO comedy series Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Her hilarious bouts of withering sarcasm and her uninhibited insults have become her character’s trademark, and her streetwise vernacular is perfectly suited for her life in Manhattan, where she has been a veteran of the world of stand-up comedy for twenty-five years. She divides her time between New York City and upstate New York, where she lives with her husband, four stepchildren, and two dogs.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster; First Edition edition (October 13, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1439150176
• ISBN-13: 978-1439150177
• Product Dimensions: 6.5 x 0.9 x 9.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #902,499 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Riotously funny, interesting and insightful. October 16, 2009

By E. Samuels

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

My only problem with this book was that I had to stop reading it in public because my uncontrollable laughter and subsequent tears made people stare at me. That aside, I had the best time reading this book. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Prior to reading the book, I was unfamiliar with Susie Essman other than her portrayal of Susie Greene on Curb Your Enthusiasm. While Essman does write about her experiences on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and her development of the Susie Greene character, there is so much more info, insight and humor in this book. Not surprisingly, Susie Essman is very different from the character she plays on t.v., and it is thus very interesting to read about the woman and the comedian behind the character. Susie Essman is one funny lady, and this is one truly funny and fun book. A true pleasure!

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Like sitting around with your best girl friend October 20, 2009

By Good Advice

Format:Hardcover

If your best girl friend is hilarious. I absolutely loved this. It's so fun, warm and wise, but never tries too hard. This is both illuminating and a comfort. It's deeply honest but also just a plain good time. Highly recommended!

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilariously funny. October 31, 2009

By Patricia Bloom

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

This is perfect for these serious times when we all need a laugh. Ms. Susie is a little on the blue side but not too much. She's as funny as it gets!