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What You Feel, You Can Heal: A Guide for Enriching Relationships Paperback – December 16, 1993


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What You Feel, You Can Heal: A Guide for Enriching Relationships + Mars and Venus Together Forever: Relationship Skills for Lasting Love + Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 213 pages
  • Publisher: Heart Publishing; 2nd edition (December 16, 1993)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0931269016
  • ISBN-13: 978-0931269011
  • Product Dimensions: 9.9 x 7 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #422,242 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

John Gray, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading relationship experts, and an authority on improving communication styles for couples, companies, and communities. His many books have sold more than fifty million copies in fifty different languages worldwide. John lives with his wife and children in northern California.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

John Gray, Ph.D. is the #1 bestselling relationship author of all time. He is the author of over 20 books, including The New York Times #1 Best-Selling Relationship Book of All Time: MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. His books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages around the world.

John is a leading internationally recognized expert in the fields of communication and relationships. His unique focus is assisting men and women in understanding, respecting and appreciating their differences. John's advice can be easily used to improve relationships at home and in the workplace.

For more than 35 years, John Gray has conducted public and private seminars for thousands of participants. John entertains and inspires audiences with practical communication techniques. John's mission is for men and women to understand, respect, appreciate and work together.

John Gray is a popular speaker on the national and international lecture circuit and often appears on television and radio programs to discuss his work. He has made guest appearances on such shows as Oprah, The Dr. Oz Show, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The CBS Morning Show, Live with Regis, Fox & Friends Weekend, Good Morning New York, Larry King Live, CNN and Company and many others. He has been profiled in major publications across the United States. John Gray lives with his wife and children in Northern California.
Visit www.MarsVenus.com

Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
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See all 28 customer reviews
Very insightful book!
Carolyn Jones
It has been delightfully received as a work of art with some real tools on the road to emotional healing!!
S. Weinstein
I hope that it helps those who chose to read it honestly.
K. King

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 34 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 26, 1999
Format: Paperback
This book shows real insight into human emotion and interpersonal dynamics, presented in a very gentle, simple way. Why he gave up and became the gender stereotyper from hell, I don't know. I guess because it sold better. Too bad, because this is the better approach. He discusses the dynamics of emotional connection without resorting to "men do this, women do that" by showing that when one partner, regardless of gender, behaves a certain way, the other will respond accordingly.
The tone of this book, again, is simple, almost childish, but gets the points across. "The Two Step", is the grown-up version.
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 9, 2003
Format: Paperback
This book is very helpful in understanding yourself and your partner. It is a very easy read and could be mistaken as too "simple" - but the beauty of this book is that it has taken some of the most complex feelings and reduced it to bite size ideas and adorable cartoons. I am a highly educated person and thought the cartoons were brilliant (BS, MS, JD) - some reviewers did not like them? Read this book more than once and learn a lot about relationships. I am really hoping to (educationally smart - relationship dummy).
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Rebecca of Amazon HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on April 10, 2008
Format: Paperback
"The major cause of human dissatisfaction and frustration is the absence of love." ~ pg. 2

"What You Feel You Can Heal" is an uncomplicated guide to emotions we all experience. John Gray encourages the reader to express their negative emotions in order to create an environment in which love can flourish and grow. The main premise is that repressed emotions block the flow of love.

Each page is illustrated with an amusing cartoon, which makes this book a quick read. In a matter of hours you can learn a few useful techniques that allow you to feel more positive about life.

John Gray encourages the idea of writing love letters although I still think the section of the letter with all the negative issues (I hate...) might be a bad idea. There is also a strange section on "duplication" where you repeat what someone says in order to become more empathetic. I found the following to be very true:

"The people who make you the most angry are the people you care about the most." ~ pg. 2

~The Rebecca Review
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By J. Gill on June 27, 2009
Format: Paperback
This book teaches us the most basic yet crucial information regarding our feelings. It is so important to acknowledge, validate, embrace, and feel ALL our feelings, yet we are taught to repress certain feelings and make them bad.
This book gave me permission years ago to embrace all myself, to know myself more deeply, to love myself.
It teaches about the feeling dynamic in relationships as well...It can save relationships!!
EVERYONE MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!! God bless John Gray!
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12 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Neal J. Pollock VINE VOICE on October 13, 2006
Format: Paperback
This is a fun pop-psych book with some valuable insights, techniques for releasing negative feelings in relationships, & 100 author-drawn illustrative cartoons. It's a very fast read. His basic premise is that TACT ="Telling the Absolute Complete Truth" will free you from negative emotions. If you repress them instead, you experience "The See Saw Effect--When we push down a feeling, it comes up in our partner." This is an interesting take on projection & repression. The 3 methods to deal with these emotions are:

--Duplication: commonly known as mirroring-repeating what your partner says, ~active listening & role playing

--Anger Process--talking to yourself as if you were another person--calling yourself "you" in a mirror & expressing: 1. anger/blame--, 2. what you want, 3. positive/loving/supportive statements.

--Love Letter Technique--writing letters containing: 1. anger/blame, 2. hurt/sadness, 3. fear/insecurity, 4. guilt/responsibility, 5. love/forgiveness/understanding/desire & reading them to each other.

I think these are valuable in clearing out negative emotions in relationships, but there are assumptions affecting their applicability. Gray assumes love & goodness are underneath surface problems--clearing out anger etc. will reveal this. He is not addressing M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." Indeed, I think he's addressing people neither too undeveloped or too advanced. For example, Tibetan Buddhism has techniques to advantageously transforming emotions & Freud addressed sublimation. See Thubten Chodron's "Working with Anger" or Pema Chodron's works (e.g. "No Time to Lose"). Gray aims at couples/pairs not separate individuals.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Neal J. Pollock VINE VOICE on October 13, 2006
This is a fun pop-psych book with some valuable insights, techniques for releasing negative feelings in relationships, & 100 author-drawn illustrative cartoons. It's a very fast read. His basic premise is that TACT p. 112: "Telling the Absolute Complete Truth" will free you from negative emotions. If you repress them instead, you experience p. 120: "The See Saw Effect--When we push down a feeling, it comes up in our partner." This is an interesting take on projection & repression. The 3 methods to deal with these emotions are:

--Duplication: commonly known as mirroring-repeating what your partner says, ~active listening & role playing

--Anger Process--talking to yourself as if you were another person--calling yourself "you" in a mirror & expressing: 1. anger/blame--, 2. what you want, 3. positive/loving/supportive statements.

--Love Letter Technique--writing letters containing: 1. anger/blame, 2. hurt/sadness, 3. fear/insecurity, 4. guilt/responsibility, 5. love/forgiveness/understanding/desire & reading them to each other.

I think these are valuable in clearing out negative emotions in relationships, but there are assumptions affecting their applicability. Gray assumes love & goodness are underneath surface problems--clearing out anger etc. will reveal this. He is not addressing M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." Indeed, I think he's addressing people neither too undeveloped or too advanced. For example, Tibetan Buddhism has techniques to advantageously transforming emotions & Freud addressed sublimation. See Thubten Chodron's "Working with Anger" or Pema Chodron's works (e.g. "No Time to Lose"). Gray aims at couples/pairs not separate individuals.
Read more ›
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