Customer Reviews

What You Feel, You Can Heal: A Guide for Enriching Relationships

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book shows real insight into human emotion and interpersonal dynamics, presented in a very gentle, simple way. Why he gave up and became the gender stereotyper from hell, I don't know. I guess because it sold better. Too bad, because this is the better approach. He discusses the dynamics of emotional connection without resorting to "men do this, women do that" by showing that when one partner, regardless of gender, behaves a certain way, the other will respond accordingly.

The tone of this book, again, is simple, almost childish, but gets the points across. "The Two Step", is the grown-up version.

This book is very helpful in understanding yourself and your partner. It is a very easy read and could be mistaken as too "simple" - but the beauty of this book is that it has taken some of the most complex feelings and reduced it to bite size ideas and adorable cartoons. I am a highly educated person and thought the cartoons were brilliant (BS, MS, JD) - some reviewers did not like them? Read this book more than once and learn a lot about relationships. I am really hoping to (educationally smart - relationship dummy).

"The major cause of human dissatisfaction and frustration is the absence of love." ~ pg. 2

"What You Feel You Can Heal" is an uncomplicated guide to emotions we all experience. John Gray encourages the reader to express their negative emotions in order to create an environment in which love can flourish and grow. The main premise is that repressed emotions block the flow of love.

Each page is illustrated with an amusing cartoon, which makes this book a quick read. In a matter of hours you can learn a few useful techniques that allow you to feel more positive about life.

John Gray encourages the idea of writing love letters although I still think the section of the letter with all the negative issues (I hate...) might be a bad idea. There is also a strange section on "duplication" where you repeat what someone says in order to become more empathetic. I found the following to be very true:

"The people who make you the most angry are the people you care about the most." ~ pg. 2

~The Rebecca Review

This book teaches us the most basic yet crucial information regarding our feelings. It is so important to acknowledge, validate, embrace, and feel ALL our feelings, yet we are taught to repress certain feelings and make them bad.
This book gave me permission years ago to embrace all myself, to know myself more deeply, to love myself.
It teaches about the feeling dynamic in relationships as well...It can save relationships!!
EVERYONE MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!! God bless John Gray!

This is a fun pop-psych book with some valuable insights, techniques for releasing negative feelings in relationships, & 100 author-drawn illustrative cartoons. It's a very fast read. His basic premise is that TACT ="Telling the Absolute Complete Truth" will free you from negative emotions. If you repress them instead, you experience "The See Saw Effect--When we push down a feeling, it comes up in our partner." This is an interesting take on projection & repression. The 3 methods to deal with these emotions are:
--Duplication: commonly known as mirroring-repeating what your partner says, ~active listening & role playing
--Anger Process--talking to yourself as if you were another person--calling yourself "you" in a mirror & expressing: 1. anger/blame--, 2. what you want, 3. positive/loving/supportive statements.
--Love Letter Technique--writing letters containing: 1. anger/blame, 2. hurt/sadness, 3. fear/insecurity, 4. guilt/responsibility, 5. love/forgiveness/understanding/desire & reading them to each other.

I think these are valuable in clearing out negative emotions in relationships, but there are assumptions affecting their applicability. Gray assumes love & goodness are underneath surface problems--clearing out anger etc. will reveal this. He is not addressing M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie." Indeed, I think he's addressing people neither too undeveloped or too advanced. For example, Tibetan Buddhism has techniques to advantageously transforming emotions & Freud addressed sublimation. See Thubten Chodron's "Working with Anger" or Pema Chodron's works (e.g. "No Time to Lose"). Gray aims at couples/pairs not separate individuals. He assumes they have strong emotions needing expression--more extroverted than introverted--but employing his methods may expose hidden neuroses & complexes. Thus, his techniques are valuable at the Level of Abstraction he's addressing herein.

He also provides some valuable insights worth repeating:
"Many people confuse submission with love...A sure-fire way to kill the love in a relationship is to sacrifice your wants & needs in order to be loved by someone else. When you stop caring about yourself & your needs, there are no longer 2 people in the relationship. It's hard to be interested in nobody."
"When your heart is filled with love, life is like a big vacation" = Western Nirvana?
Of the cartoons, my favorite shows fishing for compliments from the love boat. Hilarious!

IMHO it's useful to realize that, like your thoughts, you have feelings, but you aren't your feelings.

The author shows a keen understanding of relationships, and presents the subject in a light, easy-to-read format with numerous cartoon illustrations. "What You Feel, You Can Heal" is a must-have for those who want good, healthy, satisfying relationships.

As a psychotherapist, I am always looking for self-help books
to refer to my clients to help them understand more deeply
some of the issues we discuss. John Gray's book, like his others,
is very basic, very simple and good for people who have no idea
about how to approach or work with thsir feelings. If you're someone
who has been through good insight indepth therapy, this book is way
too simple, a beginner's book. He uses alot of cartoon-like pictures
and it almost feels condescending.
I wouldn't recommend it for anyone who has done any work on themselves
at all. If you have just started the work, perhaps, but there are others
that are better written to help one begin their journey.

John Gray is known for his "Men are from Mars ..." series, which I think is fantastic. I believe this book is even better and is one of my favorite books to read. This book is very easy to read and gives you a lot to think about. My advice is to read through the book and when you get stuck, just continue on and you can always come back.

I learned a lot about myself by reading this wonderful book. I've found peace in my life and I believe that everyone must read this book. I hope you find it as valuable as I did.

The book was really childish and didnt help me at all. Its all big pictures and little useful information

This book is so easy to understand, in a humorous way, the intricacies of our emotions. It is hilariously entertaining with cartoons drawn by the author. John Gray, in a playful yet insightful way, shows us all the different styles in which we repress our emotions and act in ways that are not straightforward. It also shows how we keep love from ourselves. I have used this book in my parenting work for many years as a map to emotional fluency for family health. It has been delightfully received as a work of art with some real tools on the road to emotional healing!! Thank you, John Gray!!