Customer Reviews

What Do You Say after You Say Hello?

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This is the best book that I have ever read on the subject of pschotherapy.It shows how `parental influence' becomes your conscience and determines your destiny and ultimately what is written on the epitaph of your tomb.The illusion that a human being is a free, autonomous creature is shattered. One need not find this distressing as there is hope.To find out more read it, go through it again, unwind the tape on which the holes have been punched to make your program (Life script) and possibly try to reprogram yourself! Not a easy task, mind you.

This masterpiece, from the writer of "Games People Play" as well as several other books dealing with the subject of interpersonal relationships, is excellent in its presentation and scope. The late author, Dr. Eric Berne, guides the reader through a clear understanding of how we inter-relate with others, as well as ourselves. His depth of understanding of the "human condition", presented with eloquent wit and charm, make this a volume that is difficult to put down. Dr. Berne's approach and skills at explanation make this a must read for anyone interested in this area of psychology. While the book could very well be used as a college text, the language is straight-forward and clear for professional or layman, alike.

"What do you say after you say hello" is a brilliant book by Dr. Berne, concentrating on transactional analysis and the way people relate to each other, specifically the unhealthy patterns they fall into when dealing with a spouse, mate or relative. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in analytical psychology, or human relationships in general.

Ever since my teenage years, I found psychology to be one of the most interesting areas of study.
Yet, even after hundreds of books on subject, I felt that something was missing, as if everyone managed to miss the essence of human behavior. Then comes Berne, whom I discovered with a help of a TA professional, and that was the missing link. Finally I came across knowledge that was so simple, yet so involving that it gave me that true satisfaction of knowing that I have hit the jackpot in terms of understanding human behaviour. It was Erice Berne's "What do you say after you say hello" and "Games People Play". (Why not just name the book "What do you say after hello?").
It has been 10 years and I still love to read Berne. This book was borrowed by my friends so many times that I don't even know where it is any more. If I don't get it back soon, I'll have to buy a new copy.
Games theory is so simple, yet so hard to implement properly. I see people who are into TA still finding ways to undermine themselves while thinking that they got a hang of it. So, read it carefully, try to discover it's essence, try to build a healthy set of values to use as checkpoints in your progress and be observant all the time. And by all means, do buy the book. There are other books out there as well, and if needed, find a professional who will help you understand and apply principles of TA in your daily life so that it really becomes your life, not someone else's script.

Derives from many sources (Jung, Freud to name two I know of), explains much (wish he had spent less time being witty and metaphorical and more nailing down hard theoretical facts (is that an oxymoron?)). Written when the nature/nurture question tilted to the nurture. The pendulum has swung back now so people are being drugged instead of cured. The idea today is that your personality and problems are the result of your genes. This has been completely disproved, so therapists and doctors and those in the know just ignore the proof. The proof is twin studies. Briefly, identical twins have identical genes. Ipso facto, if one becomes schizophrenic, the other will too (even though they are raised by different families). Well, they don't. That should settle it. Enough said. As Berne himself said, "I can't cure him my way, and I'm damned if I'm going to try anything else." Or "I'm a healer. This diploma on my wall proves it." This author also wrote Games People Play which I believe is still in print. The book these comments are about is not in print, but excerpts from it as of a couple years ago (edited by a colleague of Berne named I think Steiner) are.

Lots of psychology, fascinating, and downright fun.

"What do you say after you say hello"- is a great book that introduces theries about scripts, and how we can live our lives to the very fullest. There are many intersting refrences to well-known Fairy Tales, that illustrate the authors point. This is a great book to read for anyone who is intrested in knowing more about themselves.

Eric Berne was a psychoanalyst who became well known in the 1970s for his system of "transactional analysis", the transactions in question being mostly those between a young child and its parents. He proposed various structures for this relationship based on the roles parent/adult/child that every person plays and presents life stories as scripts that can be good or bad.

This was his last book completed just before his death in 1970. It nicely ties together his main discoveries and provides a fascinating selection of "scripts" tracing them from their source and presenting them in his very effective parent/adult/child format. The system can be presented diagramatically and one needs to use it to get the most out of the book. However, once over this hurdle the system is very useful and effective. This reviewer has experimented with it on a number of occasions and it really does explain and predict in the way that he claims.

Berne's bad luck was that he wrote the book in 1970 when psychology was going through a bad patch with a flood of bizarre systems appearing. The good gets lost with the bad and T.A. now tends to be labelled as an outmoded California fashion related to Freudianism.

It's good to see that Berne arrives at his system empirically with his basic framework being bolstered with all the evidence he can find. He examines accents, voices, vocabulary, types of laughter, names, in fact anything he can lay his hands on to provide effective cross checks to his main structural analysis .

In the preface he says that the book is "primarily intended as an advanced textbook of psychotherapy, and professionals of different backgrounds should have no difficulty in translating into their own dialects the short and simple annals of transactional analysis. No doubt some non-professionals will read it too, and for that reason I have tried to make it accessible to them . It may demand thinking, but I hope it will not require deciphering."

This is a fair statement as it is a book that has to be read in its entirety to work. He uses handy memorable terms for scripts and their elements and the reader can become familiar with rackets , games and trading stamps along with other tools, and in the last chapter apply a detailed script check list. He also has a chapter that deals with the objections to his theory in an even-handed way.

This book is essential reading.

What I most got out of this book is the idea of asking yourself, when faced with an interpersonal challenge, "What must have happened to him/her to be using this relational pattern?" The book is written in a straight talk style which offers much food for thought (eg: intuition is perception from the child state within; destiny is your script; permission is the key to correcting self limiting beliefs). The title of the book refers to what we Do say after hello rather than an advice book on what we could or should. This year marks the 100th birthday for this great Canadian unsung hero.

My only complaint is not about the book but about publishers that will NOT reprint this great book. I don't get it. If they reprint this book I promise to buy 10 copies!

Simply one of the best psychology books I have ever read. It's fascinating. I loved his interpretation of the story Cinderella. I will never be able to think of the fairy godmother as as a good-natured woman again!