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What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up : Starting the Next Chapter of Your Life

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As a mid-sixties professional who retired about five years ago from my own business,and then found myself in a true depression until I sought help, I found this book remarkably acute regarding the questions that I should have thought to ask myself, the planning I should have done, and the problems that would arise for me when I no longer had the structure of my working life to support me. Doctor Cantor's amazing understanding of the dynamics of retirement has helped me immeasurably to understand myself in what is an exciting but very complicated period, and her practical advice is advice I wish I had had before I retired!! I cannot imagine anyone approaching the later stages of life who would not benefit enormously from Dr. Cantor's insights and help. GET THIS BOOK!

I have a husband talking retirement (with the aging government workforce, what Fed is not?), but concentrating on how much we will need to make it. Years ago, I switched careers from an unhappy pharmacist technician to a librarian and book reviewer, but panicked over a drop in income. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP? would have been quite handy and is quite useful for my spouse's near future plans. The self-help tome is extremely helpful in a practical way as it reminds individuals that financial security and physical health are important, but to make sure that personal fulfillment is not ignored.

Though advertised for retirees, wannabe-retirees, or mid-life job swappers, this book should be required reading for high school and college students because the steps and exercises help the reader focus on personal goals. Dorothy Cantor and Andrea Thompson have written a winner that provides useful guidance in an easy to follow and read book that assists the individual "starting the next chapter of your life".

Harriet Klausner

The book "What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up?" by Dorothy Cantor starts off with some promise. Early she says, "What we are going to talk about can be summed up as the capacity to grow and the need to choose....We will look at what went on before, in order to find some clues for the future." Later in the first section, she adds, "I'll show you how to pull those pieces together to sketch a plan for the next part of your life- the time in which there will be few rules, the time in which the choices will be up to you....Don't just leave the future to chance; do not assume that after you stop working, all will fall comfortably in place....design the years ahead, not wait for them to happen....you have within you, as we all have, the gift for endless self-renewal."

This is good stuff; we are off to a good start. But, in my opinion, the book does not deliver on its promises. Instead, we find that the author, who is a practicing psychologist, builds her book like a therapist who is trying to help someone solve a personal problem, in this case the prospect or experience of an unfulfilling retirement phase of life. This theme is exposed when she tells us, "Many people who have entered the after-the-job stage of their lives find themselves asking if there isn't supposed to be more to it....many such people come to my office for counseling."

So, the author presents four men and four women, "who sketched their journeys for me." My problem with what happens next is that the next 120 pages dwell on the childhood, educational, personal and vocational phases of these people's lives. Five of the eight still work, one retired one year ago, another two years back, and the other 12 years ago. So, a basic problem can be seen here: only one of those profiled has much of any experience with and in retirement!

I'm a firm believer that life, for the most part, only makes sense when you look at it in reverse. The variables along the way are endless: who we end up with as a spouse, what career we end up with, where we end up living, whether we are "successful" or not, etc. I also believe that the variables in the retirement phase can be endless, and, for the most part, are not controllable any more than the variables in our earlier phases were. The point here is that, for me, this lengthy exercise to learn who these working people are now and who they were earlier in their lives does little for me as a guide to my personal success in retirement. I just don't see these people as having much to say that is knowledgeable about the subject of retirement.

What I think the author may be on to is to open the door to the area of specialized retirement counseling for those who might need some "special" help. Folks who enter retirement with histories of having problems making decisions, following through on things, and being comfortable with themselves outside of their jobs might, indeed, need to look at their past to better understand who they can become in retirement. But I firmly believe that most folks do not need to go to the psychologist's couch as an essential step into retirement. So, in that sense, the essence of this book, in my opinion, is not valuable to most pre-retirees or those in their early transition.

Surely there are those who could use such help finding themselves in retirement. Willie Lowman, the central character in "Death of a Salesman" might be a candidate. After his death, one of his sons says of his salesman father, "He never knew who he was." Another candidate would be Mr. Schmidt of the "About Schmidt" movie fame. Talk about a guy that is ill-prepared for retirement! He came into it a mess, and he makes an early mess of it. He didn't know who he was, what he was supposed to be doing, or where he was headed. If someone is a mess before retirement, how could he or she not be expected to be a mess in retirement. And surely some people find success in the workplace in ways that will be difficult to find outside of the workplace. These folks could use some help.

Back to the book, the last 30 or so pages have some tidbits that are worthwhile, like breaking the transition into retirement into three phases: honeymooning, testing new waters, and the second wind. And on the final pages, she says, "Life keeps happening, and transitions are part of it....After all, growing up is never done." Sounds like good advice, but doesn't that mean that we've come full-circle in the book? At the end she tells us that we never grow up? If so, what was the point of the book?

In the end, I found the eight people profiled to be too few and with too little to say about the realities of successful retirement. As for advice about what one might want to do with extra leisure time in retirement, I'd point readers to the Activity Tree in "The Joy of Not Working," by Ernie Zelinski, as a much more practical way to build and to "pull" meaningful activity ideas for an individual retiree.

Dr. Cantor's book is inspiring and practical - here are steps to help think through retirement, or any time of change. She provides a structure that makes it easier to know yourself and figure out what you really want to do with your life. What is most inspiring is that her approach can make you feel less anxious, and even excited about new possibilities. Age doesn't seem to matter so much, when you view it the way Dr. Cantor suggests.

Dr. Cantor has written a brilliant analysis of the fears of facing retirement, and how to plan for a meaningful life after work ends. I keep giving this book to friends who are looking for more for their anticipated leisure than bridge and golf. Dr Cantor outlines practical ways to figure out our strengths and interests to craft together a blueprint for the last third of our lives.

As a counsellor, I have found many individuals discover "anticipating retirement" and "living in retirement" are two very different things. In the next ten years, I, too, will be "growing up" and facing this new chapter of my life. However, there are so many plans for my future, I only hope my health, financial resources and stamina will allow me to fulfill these ambitions. To me, retirement is like planting and tending a garden. First, one must plan carefully (you do not want to waste your precious years on activities that do not bring you joy and fulfillment.) Then, one should decide what plants (projects, hobbies, activities) to sow, not only to keep you physically active, but metally alert. Finally, one must lovingly tend that garden (nourish the soul, maintain physical health, and weed the emotional clutter from the past.) If you have lost a spouse, partner or soul-mate during this planting season, it is important to grieve, but it is equally important to know when to let go and when it is time to plant a new garden. Remember, time waits for no one. Only then, will one be prepared to start the next chapter of their life. We all need to have hopes, goals and dreams, no matter what our age.

In this book, the author points out the positive ways of dealing with change and how to plan and approach this new period in the lifecycle. Anyone approaching mid-life can certainly benefit from this book; it is never to soon to plan for the future. If you are already into your retirement years, this book may be just the inspiration you need if the years are not as challenging and fulfilling as you anticipated. The author has a lot to say on the subject and it is a great book based on sound advice.

"What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up?" is a must book for those who are "in-transition," thinking about retirement, or uncertain about their present career path (the desert experience). For four years, I have been serving as a co-ministry head in my Church assisting those who are either "in-transition" or contemplating it. This has been my number one reading recommendation to all participants, as this book handily addresses the first step to be taken before one moves-on, the step of self-awareness. Without knowing you are and where you want to go, you are doomed to a very empty existence.

Dorothy Cantor shares her twenty-five years of experience as a psychologist working with those who are seeking "what to do next" with key questions and real-life stories. While some, like me, may find the stories of little use, the questions she raises are the guts of the book and make this an excellent purchase. Some of these include:

What will I be doing when I am no longer spending most of my time at the work I am doing now?
What are the fifteen good things (besides money) that I get from job now?
What was it that I first longed to be when I grew up?
What are my obsession and reigning passions?
Who are my heroes, my favorite or most unforgettable people?

These and a host of other questions she raises will get one to think about their lives, their dreams, their gifts, their passions, and, ultimately, their direction. This is not a book to read quickly as this book requires the hard work of reflection and introspection to maximize its value.

Cantor has authored a very readable and useful book in helping those who are searching to start the next chapter in their lives - possibly the most fruitful and meaningful

Dr. Cantor has given hope to the many of us facing retirement without a clue as to what we want to do with all that time. This is a practical guide for people in their middle age who have the sense that golf and bridge and visiting grandchildren can't be all there is. Dr. Cantor directs us to concrete ways to analyze our strengths and needs for a meaningful retirement. I've been giving this book as a gift to everyone I know on the brink of retirement and floundering about for a plan.