Customer Reviews

What Your Mother Never Told You: A Teenage Girls Survival Guide

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Adolescence for those who can remember, is a difficult time of life, and having worked with young adults for some time now, as a secondary school teacher, more often, it is the teenage girls who have the toughest time. This is not to say that boys have it easier, simply girls mature faster, and the decisions they have to make are never easy. Dudum has written something that is quite unique. His prose is directly written for his intended audience, teenage girls, and he pulls it off beautifully.

Dudum's advice is simple and, as the title states, is a "Survival Guide" for teenage girls.

As the cliche goes, "hormones are in hyperdrive"; it is a time when decisions, big decisions have to be made. "Should I follow my friends and have sex though I don't want to?" "What is sexual assault, harrasment and rape?" Who am I, really?" One of the main issues I've come across is self esteem; some young women, although they FEEL it's wrong, that is to say, having sex because her friends are all doing it and drinking, too...will go along (to be accepted) and after the deed is done, plunge into depression, leading to the worst thing you can imagine.

Dudum has covered alot of poignant and relevant issues concerning teenage girls, and in some cases, has hit the nail right on the head.

The most important chapters in my humble opinion are: 9,"Find out Who you really are...Not"; 41, "The Media Hype"; 43, "Manipulative Boys" and, 57, "Hang in there and Go for It."

From my experience, you can never order a teenage girl, "Read this because you need it!" She'll simply will not because you ordered her to; keep it around and she'll eventually, because it's her "choice", pick it up and read it.

And, to be sure, the book is written in such a way that it will at least get her thinking, reflecting about her life...and making (hopefully) the right decisions...and that in itself is a great thing.

This is a warning that the review you are about to read is not my typical review. Every once in a while you read a book that is so powerful and touches you in such a way that you must talk about it in that fashion.

Such is the case with "What Your Mother Never Told You: A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls" by Richard M. Dudum.

When I began reading this book I kept thinking, "Gee, all this advice sounds like common sense. Why would anyone want to buy it?" But I'm a month shy of 40 years old, of course it all seems like common sense to me; I've already lived through it.

As soon as I got to the section titled How to Handle Yourself, however, everything changed. Suddenly, I was no longer a wife and mother with all my wordly experiences. I was back in high school trying to fit in, struggling to figure out who I was while dealing with the loss of my mother who died of cancer my freshman year. I had no confidence, no idea what I should or shouldn't be doing, and no one to guide me into adulthood because my father and I rarely spoke.

What a difference this book would have made in my life had it only been available back then!

"What Your Mother Never Told You" teaches young women about the importance of self-respect, removing themselves from situations they have no business being in, and how to get out if they happen to find themselves in one of those sticky situations. It talks about sex, drugs, alcohol, boys, personal safety, Internet safety, and many other topics that young women must know about in order to survive and thrive in today's world.

Dudum should be applauded for his dead-on, practical advice that he shares in a direct manner that young people will appreciate. There's no hand holding going on here, just a straightforward approach that reaches right to the hearts and minds of young women everywhere.

Also included are five Appendices including links to specific drug details; steps to take if the reader or someone she knows has been assaulted; signs to watch for that will help the reader identify if one of her friends is participating in self-destructive behavior; how to help a friend in need; and the lyrics to a song written by the author's son that summarizes the messages Dudum is trying to impart to the reader.

"What Your Mother Never Told You" is a must read for every young woman and should be available in school libraries and at your high school's guidance office. I encourage parents and daughters to read it together. I'll be tucking my copy away so that I can share it with my daughters when they are old enough.

These final words come from Page 221 and 222 of "What Your Mother Never Told You" and sum up my exact thoughts on how I feel as a mother of two girls growing up in a world that is sometimes less than safe:

"I want you to have fun, go to parties, meet boys and girls, dance, laugh, sing, and have a great time. At the same time, I want you to always anticipate and avoid potentially harmful people, places, situations, and the type of fun that can blur your reputation. I want you to always be smart and safe...I want you to be confident, elegant, and hold yourself to the highest standard, a standard that is beyond compare. A standard that YOU can and will always be proud of...I want you to always respect yourself."

I must admit when I first received this offer I was intrigued because I've read lots of books for teenage girls, mostly when I was a teen, but never one written by a guy. So I was very interested in reading what a guy had to tell a teenage girl.

This is the BEST guide for teen girls I have ever seen and even though my kids are only 1 and 2, I'll be saving it for when they are teens. I wish I had this guide when I was younger.

This is a no-nonsense, no-bull&*%! book that tells it like it is, which is exactly what teen girls need and exactly what all the other guides are lacking. As a parent of a teen, you may be shocked at what the author says but you would need to realize that teens aren't stupid and they know when you are just giving them lectures disguised as advice.

For example, most books tell teens they shouldn't drink and why. This book tells you that AND says that if despite all this info, you still decide to drink (because let's face it, many will,) than at least drink SAFELY and here's how.

Also the author helps the teen think about how the parents feel or think and to consider that when they decide to do something or not.

Each chapter is short, which is good because talking too much on one tough subject will just make the teen tune out. Here is a brief list of topics covered: Body Language, Never Assume, Mean Girls, Confidence and Self-Esteem, Stereotypes, How to Tell Your Parents (anything), Watch Your Back, Gossip, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs, Facebook/Email/Webcams, Porn, Free Will, Love and much more. You will also find some appendices with these titles: Specific Drug Details, Sexual Assault - Steps to Take, Signs to Watch For, A Friend in Need and Take Some Time.

I cannot make it clear enough how much EVERY teenage girl needs a copy of this book. If you think that having your child read about alcohol, drugs and Sex or talking about it will make him or her try it, you are mistaken. Statistics have proven that having an open conversation and not holding back on real facts will help your teen make better choices.

If you happen to be a teen and are reading this, you NEED this book. If you have money, buy it. Otherwise ask a trusted adult to get it for you as a gift.

Teenage girls have always been under lots of pressure. But perhaps they are under more pressure today than ever before. That's partly due to the Internet.

This book cuts right to the real issues that affect young girls. It touches them where the hurt is.

Dudum deals with these issues among others: how to always have a game plan, how to drink at a party, how to get up and leave before it's too late, how to deal with hateful girls and protect yourself from boys who would take advantage of them, how to handle the Internet, how to anticipate and avoid the wrong place and wrong time, how to tell your parents, and how to avoid the consequences of dressing and acting like a 'ho'.

The book gives tools that young girls can understand and act upon immediately.

Finally, the book is useful for parents too.

Highly recommended.

As the father of a teenage daughter, I read this book with great interest. When I worked through the pages of advice written to the teenage girl, I never really had a thought that I had not raised these issues with my daughter. My thoughts were always along the lines of whether I have been forceful enough in making my points about what to do and what not to do. She has her own lawn care business that I oversee, so we are working together side-by-side for hours a day during the summer. We talk a lot and she is constantly praised by the customers for how hard she works and that she does it without complaint. However, while the subject of peer pressure has come up many times, I had never looked at it with the intensity that it is dealt with here.
After reading this book, I spent a great deal of time thinking about the various dangers she will encounter and how she, and I, will handle them. My conclusions were that I have done most of what I could to prepare her for these dangers, but the fact that reading this book caused me to question my assumptions was a very positive thing. Teenagers of both genders are very vulnerable but they must be given the freedom to make mistakes that could negatively alter their entire life. This book will help both parents and teenage girls make the decisions that could lead to avoiding those mistakes.

This book offers teenage girls courage, compassion, and strategies for dealing with life in today's complex and difficult world. Richard Dudum addresses directly a wide range of issues, providing specific tools for the specific challenges teenage girls face today. His message throughout is one of empowerment and self-respect.

In "What Your Mother Never Told You," Dudum addresses issues that many young women will not come to understand until after graduating high school (or even college). His advice regarding confidence, self-respect, individuality, and independence provides the underpinnings to his "guide for teenage girls," and offers direction that applies to both the purest and promiscuous girls. Dudum's advice may be in some sense paternal, but it is not naive or idealistic. He understands the modern obstacles that are being presented to young women today (online indecency, drugs, etc.) and speaks with first-hand experiences and examples. His guidance is relevant, insightful, and to the point. Dudum sometimes apologizes for "being to blunt," but he really isn't. His words are relatable and honest--so you aren't just having "the talk" with your dad. Every young woman should pick up this book; there's something to take away for every type.
--Morgan, college sophomore

It IS a different world out there from the one today's mothers and grandmothers grew up in. Girls today are more liberated and independent, but their increased independence, mobility and access to media and the Internet make them more vulnerable to dangers and predators -- at a time when their immaturity and inexperience mean they are not fully equipped to deal with the dangers and temptations.
From a mother's perspective this book is a must-read. It gives valuable insights into the world your daughters (and sons) inhabit, and invaluable tools to helping them handle that world in a responsible way.
The language is frank but, frankly, not as nearly as "colorful" as some reviews suggest.
From a daughter's perspective, I wish a book like this had been available when I was a teenager. it would have helped me immensely deal with some of the challenges of growing up, and I believe it also would have made it easier for me to communicate with my mother.
Thanks, Richard, for a really worthwhile read.

What Your Mother Never Told You is a self- help book intended to guide young women as they face the day to day social problems of their young lives. The author of this book is not a licensed social worker or psychologist, but he does help run a summer camp and he does have four children of his own. With this experience, he has gathered together his years of knowledge and composed this book. His hope is that young women everywhere- high school age and early college age- will read this book and, with a little luck, take its advice to heart and hopefully grow up to be happier, healthier, more confident women.

This book offers some common sense advice for young women and its primary motive seems to be keeping young women out of trouble; making them confident; and leading them down the path toward achievement and happiness. In some areas, the book is dead- on, but these spot- on moments generally deal with topics that have obvious answers. Chapters like "I Don't Like My Parents Behavior", and "Always Have a Game Plan" each cover problem areas that have obvious answers, and the advice given in this book is pretty standard. Advice like not accepting rides from strangers and learning from your parents mistakes are things that most anyone would agree with.

However, "What Your Mother Never Told You" also has its share of controversy and some of its advice is extreme, misleading, and very generalizing. This is most evident on the chapters that deal with sex and relationships. I don't know what life was like where the author grew up or what these girls in his summer camps have experienced, but much of what he says in these chapters on sex and relationships is far too generalized to be taken seriously. According to the book, young men/teenage boys are basically sexual predators who want nothing but sex and will attempt anything to get it. I can agree that this is true some of the time, but it isn't true all of the time, like the book asserts. Not only does the author make extreme assertions, he then goes so far as to drill this into the reader's head by stating that every male is the same and that certain comments/actions initiated by men always have the same goal in mind: Getting into a girl's pants. Not only is this opinion false in its extremities, it should offend the sensibilities of any young man. Yes, there are those men who practice these types of maneuvers on women every day, but that doesn't mean that ALL men are like this.

Other statements in this book are equally brash and there is even a little guilt thrown in for good measure. Why the author chose to write this section of the book the way he did, I cannot say for certain. But I think he did this because he feels that teenage pregnancy and other sexual issues are so critically important that any means necessary to reduce the number of people having sex is completely justified. Telling the complete and total truth has not been as successful as he and others would like, so he decided to go to extremes and make statements that are patently false. It wouldn't be so bad if the book qualified these statements to reflect a more accurate picture; like for example, if it said that "some" or even "many" men who say `you're special' to a woman have one goal in mind. I could accept that, because there are most certainly instances where this is true. But all men who make statements like this are not telling a manipulative lie. Also, this book seems to be based on generalized and often false assumptions about young women: 1. No woman wants sex, 2. Women have to be manipulated to have sex, 3. All women are virtuous at their core, and 4. All women want to wait until they are married to have sex. I don't know what planet the author arrived from, but these assumptions are most certainly FALSE, as most any man will attest. Again, there are some women who fit these descriptions, but they don't represent the attitudes of all women.

The chapters in this book are very short and many of them are too brief to address the issue at hand. The appendices are also rather short and don't really say as much as they should. I think the author was trying to cover too many topics in a single volume. He probably would have been better off stretching this into a multiple- volume set.

Overall, "What Your Mother Never Told You" is a take it or leave it type of book with some good basic advice combined with many extreme statements that are false and misleading. While some of the advice in this book is good, the chapters on sex and relationships are very extreme and misleading and because of them, I cannot give this book a recommendation. Reducing teen pregnancies is a worthy cause, and educating youth on the consequences of their actions is a noble and often thankless effort. But sticking to the truth is still the best way to go, and I don't appreciate any book that makes extreme generalizations and then insists they are absolute truth when the opposite is really the case.

Ah, the teenaged daughter. They are a wonder. I have my own and feel qualified to say this. I want to be everything I can for her, but we all know that this isn't possible. Providing her with the tools she needs for life is important. For this reason, I am ever grateful to Richard M. Dudum for authoring "What You Mother Never Told You." I could have used this book when I was a teen and I still appreciated the reminder of certain passages. Get a copy for the teenaged girls in your life, or get one for yourself if you fit that demographic. You'll be glad you did.

Your mother might have sat you down for "the talk" and you cringed, and she cringed. Likely it wasn't enough to answer all of your questions but maybe you couldn't stand it anymore. Maybe you were lucky enough to have a really open mom who you could talk to about anything, but I'll bet there were still a few things that didn't get covered. "What Your Mother Never Told You" covers everything. Yes, everything...from how you are perceived in high school - as a snob, slut, show off, or shy girl - to how you will be remembered at your twentieth reunion, from accepting compliments and gifts from a guy to what you should not feel obligated to give him in return, from telling your parents that you are embarrassed by their behavior, or even appalled by it, and everything in between. What should you do if a friend seems to have an eating disorder, or you think that you might? What can do for a friend who is cutting herself? How can you be supportive of a friend whose parents are getting divorced? What if you need that support?

Discovering who you are and who you aren't is part of being a teen (and an adult!) and this book can help sort things out. It's like having this really cool parent to guide you, but not tell you what to do. Robert offers his advice and readers are free to take it or leave it, but reading it is the way to make informed decisions. Information is an important tool to have, and the best possible tool any parent can hope to give their daughters.

Written in a no-nonsense, straight talk manner, "What Your Mother Never Told You" is right on target with today's teen. Each topic is covered succinctly and with care. In between are pretty images of floral designs, speaking to the femininity of its readers. Used as a tool for parents to broach topics with reluctant-to-talk teens or as a guide for them to read on their own, this book is sure to touch lives, inform minds, and even make you smile as you read about how "you don't owe him Jack..." It is "the talk" on subjects that might make you blush, but are the must have tools for today's society. Bravo!