Customer Reviews

Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women

5 star:		(17)
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3 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

I didn't expect this from Rose Barras. I didn't expect this weave of raw honesty, courage, and insight. From the opening passage I was caught up in the grip of a masterful story-telling style that she couples with an honesty that invites the reader to open the closets of their troubled existence and tear out the tattered garments. It's mind opening. It's inspiring. It answers questions that I've asked for decades as a troubled mate and a separated father embroiled in perplexing relationships with women and my own daughter. It poses new, troubling questions about the impact on the social process of paternal absence from the lives of future mothers and wives. I suspect that WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL will become a must read in psychology classes and book clubs all over. I'm sending copies to some of the women whom I love, and to some whom I have tried to love.

D. Edward Dyer

I didn't give as much thought as I should have about growing up without a father or reliable father figure. Yet while reading this book, I saw many of my realities on the pages. Regardless of a societies cultural practices, every adult and child has a role to play and when it is compromised or ignored, the social structure falters. That's what Barras was talking about. Every fatherless woman won't have the same experiences, but most must admit that their view of the world is markedly different from women who grew up with positive influences from both parents regardless of their marital status. Clearly some of us adapt better than others, but Barras's theory has merrit.

This book was given to me by a friend and prior to starting it, I had uttered a few words to a good friend about myself. Then I read this book and the introduction echoed what I had decribed and I was able to give it a name, The Fatherless Woman Syndrome. I am the product of a divorce and it was uplifting, yet sad to see that this had an impact on my life.

My incorrect choices in men, my fears, and my bringing a child into this world alone and my successes. Every factor they decribed I fell into, from the successful woman who can do it alone, to the woman who made sure she ran from every relationship she was in. I saw myself in this book.(I admit I drove myself hard just so I could prove to my father that I was worth his love and that he lost out on a good deal.) This book has given me insight into myself, and I trust, every woman, that had been abandoned, in some way by her father, will learn to understand her plight and work toward healing. I encourage all women to read this book and look inside themselves and discover who they are. Jonneta's book had starting the healing process. Thank you for showing me, why I am me.

What happens when a Father is missing from the home? The son grows up without understanding what it takes to be a man and how a man must respect a woman. The daughter grows up void of self-esteem and often without an understanding of how to choose and treat a good black man. Thus you have what we see our young people going through today. An inability to relate to each other in a loving and respectful manner that would foster a strong black family and thus a strong black community. Much praise and respect to Barras for tackling a problem unidentified by most African Americans, male and female. As a 30 year old single black male, I first encountered the problem of Fatherless Woman Syndrome (FWS) 6 years ago. I was just as shocked then as I am now at the number of brothers and sisters who don't recognize and understand FWS until it's too late (if at all). This book needs to be required reading for many of our children who are in high school and college. Mothers and Fathers would also get an understanding of the effect their daughter's relationship with the Father (or lack of) might be having on her self-esteem and general psychological well being. We need to recognize the damaging effects a missing Father has on the Black family and realize that the Black family (and thus the Black race) is indeed endangered.

I've sent this book out to a few of my beautiful Black Sisters who I see battling with FWS on a daily basis but unknowingly mask it behind material, educational, and professional achievements.

I was moved to seek out this book when, during a black male discussion group session, it dawned on me that nearly every woman in my immediate family had either poor or non-existent relationships with their biological fathers, whether due to divorce, premature death, substance abuse, lack of marital connection to the mother or other causes. This includes my mother, two sisters, two sisters-in-law, three maternal aunts, former wife, current wife and two of my three daughters. Nearly all of them have exhibited the life-choices and behavior patterns identified in Barras' book. As Barras' book illustrates, the implications of this echo beyond isolated, individual women and are clearly multigenerational, affecting black men as well. I found Barras' book to be eyeopening and extremely helpful to me as a son, brother, husband and father seeking to better understand and relate to the women in my life. With all due respect to Mr. Mingo's less-than-glowing review (I, too, am a journalist; the last time I checked, it was a professional, not amateur, pursuit), Barras' insights, observations and personal experiences combine to make an eminently credible and thought-provoking book, with practical, realistic solutions for our mothers, wives, sisters and daughters. I bought copies for several women in my family. All did not choose to read them; those who did benefitted immensely and recommended the book to others. A great companion book to this is "More Than Sex: Reinventing the Black Male Image" by Dr. George Edmond Smith.

As a child of divorce, I never realized the impact on my adult life that being "Fatherless" had on me; I never thought my Fatherlessness was much of an issue. While reading this book, however, there were times when I nodded as Jonetta took me on her journey, and cried as her path shone light on my own.

If you've prided yourself, as I have, on being a strong, independent woman, but find that deep down you shy away from true intimacy and committment in your relationships; then I urge you to read this book! For the first time I feel like I can address the SOURCE, and not just the symptoms.

Thank you Jonetta for a truly enlightening read. I've sent copies to my 'strong, independent girlfiends'; I think we'll have a lot to talk about.

I would like to re-iterate what a joy and a healing it has been for me reading "Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl" by Jonetta Rose Barras. This book has literally captured my insecurities, made me admit to them, look deep into myself about where they came from, and encouraged me to know that I can come from it all and be a complete woman. I would like to encourage anyone to read it, even if you grew up with your father, because we need to know how to edify our sisters and provide that understanding for that sister that may not have had it as well as you have. I'm already thinking about starting a group in my church for women my age, who may be going through these situations and suffering silently because they feel no one understands. Anyway, I could go on and on, but I have said enough.

GOD BLESS,

Tamara

Thanks to the author for taking a stab at such a complex, mult-layered issue facing African American women. Finally, I can identify and name the numerous plagues that have colored phases of my life. She shared such private information in a candid and "real" manner. It was so uplifting to read her words. They resonated in me. Her writing style was clear, concise and robust. In addition, there were aspects that served as cathartic venues for emotional release. I cried while reading the symptoms of fatherlessness and can now revel in the "Fatherless Woman Syndrome". It has become part of a personal mantra because as the author shared, the feelings of rejection, abandonment, depression and anger tend to be repressed over long periods of time. Thanks to her noted testimonies, I can embrace the pain that I once denied and ignored. The only criticism that I can offer is that the book does not provide specific steps for healing and lacks a description of what the healing "looks" like in individuals that have done the emotional work. Specifically, most of the book contained descriptions of women with time-sensitive interactions with their fathers. I struggled with this because the text excluded women that have NEVER had any contact with their biological or otherwise fathers. I am in this category and would have appreciated hearing from women like myself. Also, it would have been useful if the author included perspectives from social workers that who counsel youth with this issue, especially since they tend to promote the value of one parent in the child's life regardless of the gender - typically supporting mothers. Again, the author should be credited for bearing her soul and telling her story!

An associate pastor from my church back home gave my mother this book and she told me I had to read it as I am divorced and raising a girl-child on my own. Within these pages I found myself and the stories of countless other women I have been friends with since time began. Since reading it, I have recommended the book to everyone male and female. There is an incredible wealth of information between these covers. At times, it was all I could do to continue. There has been painful introspection but I am the better for it. This is a book guaranteed to touch the lives of the majority. It is important to face those difficult spaces in our lives as we raise the next generation of men and women. Face them head on so our sons and daughters don't find themselves in the same traps that many of us look up from now. This is one of the most important books that I have ever read. If you are a woman who lived in a household where your father was physically or emotionally absent, this is a must-read for you. In the end there IS hope as you celebrate your accomplishments and victories. I don't believe we walk this journey toward wholeness alone. Thank you Ms. Barras!

Reading this book was a very startling experience for me. There were many passages that I personally related to, but there were others that did not apply. I gained a lot of understanding about just how grave and deep a mark not having a father can be, even if you have already resolved that there will never be a relationship. However, I can see how some would take offense to the implication that black women must overcome damage done by absent fathers as opposed to black men taking the responsibility to raise their daughters/children. Bottom line - in a perfect world, people who commit wrongdoing against others would be strictly accountable and make amends. But in THIS world, right or wronged, you must often find a way to piece things back together that you did not break. For the careful and reflective reader, this book can provide some insight into doing such, but only for those who can identify with the author's viewpoint. Not everyone has the responses she details and to another reviewer's credit, some of the contents of this book could be used to put down black women through "blaming the victim," but if you've truly experienced being a fatherless black woman in this American culture, it's not a concept you're unfamiliar with and you can find a way to work through it.