What's The Number For 911?: America's Wackiest 911 Calls [Paperback]

Leland H. Gregory III (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 15, 2000

Who do we call when we're in dire need of help? 911, of course. However some situations that callers perceived as emergencies, may not be so urgent. Dispatcher: "911. What is your emergency?" Male caller: "Yeah, I want to order a pizza. "What's the Number for 911? is a collection of more than 170 stories and actual transcripts of strange, and hilarious 911 phone calls. Most of the people who made these calls needed help all right-but not 911 help. It is an easy read, with stops only for shaking your head, turning the page, and laughing out loud. It's amazing what some people have used their telephones for-Alexander Graham Bell would be shocked. People love to laugh at the stupidity of others and this book shows stupidity at its, well, stupidest. Here are just a couple of the absurd 911 reports: Male complainant called and requested police call gas stations on all exits of I-95 to find out which ones are open. Female complainant called to request police officer come to residence to change battery in smoke detector as she couldn't reach it. Roger's Department Store called three times asking if they could close during a storm. Complainant called about neighbor keeping a pet cow in the yard.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing (March 15, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0740700324
• ISBN-13: 978-0740700323
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 4.7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #801,687 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Leland Gregory is the New York Times Bestselling author of "Stupid American History" and "America's Dumbest Criminals." He is also author of the National Bestsellers, "The Stupid Crook Book," "What's The Number for 911?" and "Stupid History." Leland is a former writer for Saturday Night Live, has written and sold a screenplay to Disney, optioned a screenplay to Touchstone and has written for a variety of magazines from Readers Digest to Maxim. A tireless promoter, he has made hundreds of radio and television appearances, including multiple appearances on NBC's Today show. Leland lives in Nashville, Tennessee.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Correcting a faulty review, September 29, 2005

By 

Leland Gregory - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: What's The Number For 911?: America's Wackiest 911 Calls (Paperback)

I'm Leland Gregory, the author of the book, "What's the Number for 911?" and I wanted to correct Alexis Mendez's faulty review of my book. 1) The chimp story - well, humor is subjective and if he didn't think it was funny, so be it.
2) I published the story of the man who choked to death on a fish months before the Darwin Awards book - therefore, it can't be referred to as a Wanna Be.
3) Urban Legends: the story of the woman who couldn't find the 11 on her phone was given to me by a 911 dispatcher along with the transcript of the call (how Mendez can claim it's an urban legend without knowing my source is beyond me). The man with his penis caught in a drain. I have the original call of this incident, which, by the way, occurred on July 15, 1994 at the Scottish Inn in Lakeland, Florida (it's available for anyone to hear on my CD, "Wacky 911"). The insecticide in the toilet which caused an explosion was reported in The Jerusalem Times, then Reuters, then United Press International - I always use two unique sources for my stories, so if it's an urban legend, then several reporters and two of the biggest news agencies in the world got fooled first.
I feel silly defending my material like this but I hate the fact that I was accused of false and/or faulty reporting by someone who justified their criticism by using false and/or faulty information.
PS: I gave my own book 5 stars to make up for his review.
Leland

33 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Call it "Dialing 911 for Dummies", May 1, 2000

By 

Dial911book (Rockin, ON) - See all my reviews

This review is from: What's The Number For 911?: America's Wackiest 911 Calls (Paperback)

Gosh this is a funny book! If you ever wondered what kinds of nonsense clutters up the emergency phone systems, then look no further. You get over 220 pages of short snappy stories about folks whose idea of an "emergency" is ... well ... here are some examples:

having the hiccups ... too few towels in hotel room ... pet parrot flying outside ... not finding an open gas station ... needing a smoke alarm battery ... hunger for a pizza ... neighbor's dog barking ... wondering when is Cinco de Mayo ... checking lottery winners ... not knowing the police phone number

One great story is on page 60:

"Police in Houma, Louisiana, issued a citation in April 1992 to Velma Ann Wantlin for improper use of the 911 emergency line. Wantlin, twenty-eight at the time, called 911 to report the following emergency situation: her husband was preventing her from watching the season finale of Knotts Landing."

Most of the stories and quotes from real callers range from silly to quirky to bizarre. The final chapter relates the actual 911 line chatter in a situation that literally blows up at the end -- a dramatic, sobering way to end the book. (See page 223.)

You'll laugh at these funny phone foibles -- but take a closer look. An emergency is an urgent situation requiring help, and usually it's a matter of life and death. When people tie up the 911 system and the emergency services with stupid or frivolous requests, other people may die as a result.

I particularly appreciate finding this book because it provides the lighter side of some of the serious problems I wrote about in my own book, Dial 911 and Die. Leland Gregory's funny book entertains while it shows what "not" to do with 911.

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Truth About 911, August 1, 2000

By 

Cheryl - See all my reviews

This review is from: What's The Number For 911?: America's Wackiest 911 Calls (Paperback)

A dispatcher's job can be rewarding, exciting, challenging, and sometimes very humorous. As most dispatchers will tell you the most memorable 911 calls are not necessarily the high-rise fires, suicide interventions, or the ones in which we provide life-saving medical information. It's those strange, unbelievable, stupid, or funny calls we take everyday that make our job worth doing.

After all anyone can save lives. The seasoned dispatcher is the one that can keep from bursting into hysterical laughter when someone calls to tell them that while they were hanging drywall they accidentally slipped and lodged a screwdriver in their rectum, when oh by the way they so happen to be naked at the time. Humor plays a huge role in keeping us sane. We can laugh and joke at just about anything.

Leland Gregory's book is a painful and acurate description of the job of a 911 dispatcher. I don't think there was a call in the book that I haven't taken personally in my career. A must read for anyone considering a 911 career.