Customer Reviews

When Men Batter Women

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Until I read this book, I often wondered whether my abusive ex was truthful when he said that I was responsible for his behavior. I had no knowledge of his previous marriage and I was bewildered why it seemed that his violent behavior was restricted to our relationship. Then I read this book. I almost didn't purchase it due to lack of funds, but I am so glad that I made the sacrifice. It finally answered a lot of my questions and I was then able to begin the healing process of forgiving myself for believing that I was the perpetrator and feeling guilty for many years.

I use (and lose) this book regularly in my psychotherapy practice. It helps identify the obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship and how likely it is that the relationship can be changed. I particularly liked it's attitude of, "One size does NOT fit all" and the empahasis on tailoring the intervention to the specifics of the case.

This book is a spectacular guide for getting out of abusive relationships. The research is very well done and the text is well written. For all you women out there who are victims of battery, this book will help you out very much and it may even save your life. I can't believe I am the first person to make a public review on this book over the Internet. This book is a must-read for any battered women, men who are batterers, or any ex-batterers or ex-battered women.

As a divorce attorney of 30 years I find this book was written by two (2) geniuses. "They agree with me!" This book should be read by every divorce judge, court mediator, family law counselor and anyone who deals with the problems of the family. When it comes out in paperback I'll give one to every one of my clients. Jude Thaddeus A. Powers Attorney at Law

I hesitated to read this book because I thought that since I had been out of my abusive relationship for over a year, it wouldn't be of much practical use to me. I was so wrong. The patterns of emotional abuse were alive and doing quite well even with a physical separation of 500 miles. This book is so valuable and I feel that I owe a great debt of gratitude to the authors.

Several years ago I was lucky enough to chat one on one with Dr. Gottman and got my copy of this signed by him. I've long since "lost" that copy to another survivor of domestic violence and have had to buy repeated copies since then. It's necessary because the book has opened the eyes of so many battered women and I keep having to give them away. This book has become an invaluable tool in allowing them to escape the hell they are living in. It allowed them insight into themselves and what was happening around them. I know it helped me and that's why I recommended it. I'm not a counselor or a professional. I just know that the normal woman relates directly to this book and if it helps them escape then it is invaluable. I never expected that my recommending this book and then "loaning" out my copy would be so helpful to so many women, but it has been. It's a different perspective and one the survivors of abuse can relate themselves to as it points the way to freedom. I'll keep buying this book so that I have one on hand when I meet into the next woman. I don't do it on purpose, but battering is so prevalent that there is always a next one and that's why I'm here buying it again; I just gave my last copy away and I think she'll be just fine.., Thank you Dr. Gottman and the wonderful Dr. Jacobsen whose work keeps his spirit alive with us.

We all expected great things when Gottman and Jacobson teamed up -- especially when they focused their attention on domestic violence. Too bad Jacobson died. He was the one with the greater interest in this area, and it seems to have fallen by the wayside after his passing.

Even so, this book described their first important result, which has intriguing implications for the field. They found that violent male partners fall into two broad categories. The first shows signs of increasing agitation as they approach the moment when they will become violent. The second actually CALMS DOWN as violence comes nearer. This is a physiological change, involving such things as blood pressure, heart rate, and the like. This book details the research project, findings, and implications, and is a worthwhile read, even if the project never got as far as most of their colleagues had hoped.

Still, it leads me to think about treatment of batterers, and why our treatment programs stink. The research evidence shows that current treatment programs for batterers add little in the way of preventing future abuse, compared to the effects of just being arrested and taken to jail. But why? Many of these programs use methods that work quite well on other issues.

The two behavior patterns Gottman and Jacobson describe look a great deal more like perpetrators of violent crime than we had thought. Violent crime is characterized by those who attack due to hot emotion (e.g., those responding to a racial slur with violent attack) and those who use predatory violence (e.g., contract killers). We do not yet have a good model of how to treat such people, although some prison-based and correctional programs show promise. Perhaps these programs should be the starting point for future domestic violence treatment efforts.

Given that Gottman and Jacobson demonstrated this difference in batterers at the physiological level, this book is worthwhile reading for anyone who wants a thorough understanding of domestic violence.

I found this book to be both scholarly and highly scientific in its methods..the few people I know that haven't liked it are, unfortunately batterers or victims in denial. Judge for yourself.

Interesting to me is that victims of emotional/verbal/physical abuse find the book informative and accurate; as a survivor I have to agree. If you or someone you love is living the hell of abuse, get this book, read it and give them a copy. It will give you the information and courage to understand and stop the abuse.

The authors' criticism of the Justice System is dead-on and brings to light the paradox of a system that claims to hold "family values" in high regard but virtually abandons the abused via red-tape, legal witchery and downright cowardice.

Gottman and Jacobson have done it again with taking complex research and boiling it down to genuinely useful information that goes beyond textbooks on the subject; while offering a great read along with wonderful resources. The authors offer insight for professionals and laymen alike into the motivations and characteristics of two subtypes of abusive personalities discovered in male batterers and how these personality types differ in obtaining control/oppression of their partners. Cobras are more psychopathic and distant striking victims hard and fast from a calm state while Pitbulls are more insecurely attached to partners causing them to clamp down not letting go- particularly when the victim attempts to leave. This informs us as clinicians about how to offer better treatment/understanding and support to victims (who may need validation and additional support from DV trained professionals) along with possible (with much guarded optimism)in the treatment of a select few abusers as well.

They point out that abusers so rarely change and how when victims finally understand this experience in what they call a "last straw "event, victims are more able to create the needed impetus to finally go. The authors address critical details/issues of emotional abuse that exist in ALL these relationships and discuss what is commonly known as "battered woman syndrome" as less of a diagnosis of the woman and more realistically a sick condition/environment the woman is in (the dangerous relational/psycho-social economical/to try and keep kids and self safe). This is an important work for anyone in an abusive relationship or anyone seeking to support those who are. In the end they point out that most women do actually go and why.

It's very imformative,It Helps you understand all about the abuse your going through and help you try to get out of it.I really like it makes alot of since.